Here’s a shitter from Hogwarts Legacy, submitted by Bucket Brigadier of the Year for 2023, ILikeSocks:
“HARRY POOPER! HERGWERTS! I don’t remember where this was. It was right after the first bit of quests where they have you do Charms and Defense Against Dark Arts classes. I was goofing around and found a shitter with a treasure chest in it. The needless bend in the pipe bothers me.”
The shitter itself cannot be blamed for being innocently caught in the imbroglio of its surroundings, however I do think it important to focus in on what the fuck is happening there with the stall hinges. Look at this mess. That is NOT how hinges work!
Featuring guest commentator Rockin’ T!
“This bathroom from Deus Ex: Humana Revolution is in a sort of office building. The protagonist is a cyborg guy and he’s head of security (I think), and some researchers there have been kidnapped. N you have to go like save them. But you can take a detour and go walk around and the bathrooms! And other rooms. HOWEVER (and they don’t tell you this) there is a secret time limit where if you take too long the hostages will be killed. So when I was first walking around I was taking my time, talking to ppl n exploring and came to this bathroom (to get the picture), and then boss guy who told you abt the hostages calls you and is like, “Dude wtf?? What’s taking so long?” And that call made me nervous. So I googled if there was a time limit, and yes there was. Apparently none of the other levels are like this, just the very first one. I DID make sure I went and talked to this one dude who was shittalking me. I was like, I’m gonna say smth, hostages be damned. But they were fine.”
This sounds like some original Die Hard shit! How nefarious and devious of them to try to distract you from something amazing like this shitter with threat to human life. Little do they know that neglect of shitter is in itself a threat to human life! Never neglect your shitter, always take whatever time you need to appreciate your shitter.
Check out this Cyberpunk shitter submission from the newest member of our Bucket Brigade! This is a two-fer with spectacular observations by brigadier Eoino:
“CDPR’s developers have packed Night City and its surroundings with all kinds of allusions to films in the cyberpunk genre, one of which can be found inside V’s apartment. Step through the beaded curtain in the bathroom and you will see, to the right of the toilet, three seashells. These are a sly nod to “Demolition Man,” the 1993 sci-fi action film set in a future where violent crime is virtually nonexistent, every restaurant is a Taco Bell, and toilet paper has been replaced by a system whose design fails to offer any clues about how it’s meant to be used.
Contrasting the seashells’ user-hostility is the litter box for Nibbles, V’s hairless cat. With a design that hasn’t changed since its introduction in the 1940s, the litter box occupies the pinnacle of achievement in industrial design. A kitten presented with a litter box will, with no human prompting, immediately grasp its purpose and functionality. The juxtaposition of these two design philosophies — one human-centered yet enigmatic, the other feline-centered yet perspicacious — stands as a pointed critique of a consumer culture that privileges novelty over accessibility.”
Incredible live footage by Bucket Brigadier of the Year ILikeSocks, here in Dead Space scoring us another Shitter of Fear.
This is more like a repurposed bathroom, because nobody here is using it as it was originally intended. I can’t say I recommend this as a practice at all, because imagine if a person actually needed the bathroom??
The gay Bara RPG Robin Morningwood Adventure is full of gargantuan jiggly cartoon men with barrel chests and in between the weird fetch quests the goal is to fetch some dick anywhere and everywhere you can. This location is a bar, it’s got bars on the window too, censor bars on those asses (which you can remove to reveal the bowling ball backsides of these gents if you hover over the image). It’s naughty. Peek through the Togetherness Hole to see something that makes all three of the stalls occupied at once. Every part of this bathroom is occupied. And it needs a doorframe wide enough to fit an piano through because of the shoulder measurements on every dude in this village. In real life, don’t do any of this in a bathroom. Let the shitters do their jobs.
This shitter submission is from bucket brigadier Emrysin!
A big thanks to bucket brigadier Alec for this Modern Warfare screen capture! Dear brigade, I feel that I can already sense your concerns, and I validate you. “This is ‘modern warfare’? This looks like its from the basement of a NYC office building!” But guess again, this is apparently an oil rig shitter and Jesus H. these people live like orcs. What the fuck, I’m sorry, what is this layout? The sink has misbehaved and is in time-out? Why is it sequestered in a little stall? You have to shimmy past two urinals just to get to the sink. This man’s name may be SOAP, but let’s be real, nobody here is washing their hands.
Another banger from Shitter of Fear aficionado ILikeSocks! This one is from a demo of The Mortuary Assistant. Is it a shitter of fear? The game is all about embalming dead folks and getting surprised by ghosts, so the shitter itself isn’t necessary fearsome to look at, but just knowing there’s probably a ghost nearby gives me the willies! Let’s pick this apart because there’s more to this shitter than meets the mortal eye. First of all, there’s no hover-sparkle required because IT ALREADY HAS A SPARKLE. I cranked up the exposure on this so you can see it clearly. Wow. I seldom seen something quite as meta as this. The seat looks like it’s a polyvinyl cushion, ew, and my but we are quite organized, are we not? This is an assistant who can certainly place “with pride in attention to detail” on that resume. But here’s an idea. How about you don’t decorate your entire bathroom with exposed rolls of toilet tissue and then just completely neglect to put one on the TP tension rod. There’ll be no holiday bonus until you can demonstrate improvement!
This ominous message were the only words left by our Bucket Brigadier of the year, ILikeSocks, when he submitted this Dead Space shitter. Let’s enhance… enhance… and squint real hard to see what that graffito on the middle stall says. Another ominous message? A warning??
“Fuck this ship, it’s a shitty capitalist organization.”
Just facts here. As an historic point of interest, shitty capitalist space ship organizations almost always naturally devolve into crew genocide at the hands of slimy aliens.
Get your purple nitrile gloves and your ACE bandages because it’s party time! In this scene from Back 4 Blood you will use a bar’s jukebox as bait for a hillbilly rock-hating, phonophobic wave of zombies. This wave has the population size of a small city, and they will (ideally) attack the source of the music instead of attacking you. From there it’s spray and pray. It’s the same idea behind Fallout 76’s timed event “One Violent Night”, and I’m sure a ton of other games too. There’s no door! There isn’t even any hardware on the frame to indicate that there were intentions for a future door. This room doubles as a storage nook for bottled water and office supplies. Zero respect is given to this shitter, yet it maintains a quiet dignity.
Special thanks to bucket brigadier Emrysin for pausing between the splatter to secure this screenshot.
Submitted by bucket brigadier Rockin T this is the first-class cabin shitter from Zero Escape: Nine Hours, Nine Persons, Nine Doors! In this moment, we are peering through a crystal ball to reveal The Prophecy! Rockin T explains: “You’re in the Nevada Test Facility, which is studying morphogenetic fields, and is designed to look like the Titanic. Because one of the test facilities is on the sister ship of the Titanic, the Gigantic, which is a replica of the Titanic, and the testing facilities must be identical, the Nevada Test Site ALSO looks like the Titanic. They’re trying to check if human fear is powerful enough to transmit thoughts to another. The idea is one group solves puzzles and transmits the solutions to the other group out of fear for their lives since they’ll die if they don’t solve the puzzles and escape in under 9 hours.”
There’s always a showy, trifling kerfuffle around the ideal configuration by which the toilet paper should unroll, while far less emphasis placed on lowering the lid of the toilet seat so yucky bacterial water doesn’t spray out when you flush the thing. Just do it. Anyway, this backstory is all rather rich if not convoluted and it sounds like the logic for this experiment was birthed from the musings of a 1930s laudanum reverie. But wait, there’s more: “That was in the past, however, because this is a second test, designed to allow Junpei to transmit his thoughts back in time to save his childhood friend Akane, who is CURRENTLY stuck on the Gigantic, but like 10 years ago. She exists in both time periods and essentially remembers the future, so she creates the future in order to allow it to happen. This toilet is in one of the cabins that Junpei must try to escape. Multiple times in the game he finds important items for escaping either in or around the toilet! But he does not actually attempt to flush himself down it.”
Stress can make you really sit up straight so it’s really no surprise that we see this shitter being fastidiously clean as a crutch. What does this shitter gain from being an unpaid time-traveling escape-trinket emissary? Except personal GLORY? Well when the job MUST be done right, trust a shitter. It behooves us as the members of the Maritime Toilet Club to decorate this shitter with the 1912 George V Mercantile Marine War PNG (for services to the timeline while at Sea), which you may gaze upon by mousing over the image above (as always).
Fun Fact: “The Gigantic was invented for the game, but the Titanic DID have sister ships. The Britannic sank in the Aegean Sea on November 21, 1916, killing 30 people. More than 1000 others needed to be rescued. So BOTH the Titanic and its ACTUAL sister ship sunk n killed people.” They learned nothingggggg.
Submitted by bucket brigadier Rockin T! This scene is from the Undertale spinoff Deltarune, a game which is currently in a free and unfinished state of being, and has only two chapters. And yet, remarkably, it has a shitter. A paragon of essential game design!
If you guessed that this is somebody’s mom’s shitter, you would be 100% correct. The character we see here is Kris, protagonist, and this is the house where they live with their mother. Says Rockin T: “The bathroom is just part of the house that you can walk in if you want to, but isn’t lore-important until the second chapter when they’re asked to wash their hands in there.” Aside from the UltraMom decor styling, check out that Poland Spring refill jug size Pert Plus in the shower. It’s just about as large as Kris’ enormous HEAD.
Submitted by bucket brigadier Swolito this potty stall is brought to us from Metal Gear Solid V: The Phantom Pain. These stalls are used by Venom Snake as extra pockets for hiding bodies, waiting for time to pass, and I suppose he could hide from a helicopter in here, and other things probably too. Normally you can’t really see inside. Says Swolito: “I blew the door off of it”. Dummy thicc. While I do love a squatty potty let’s just admit that this is probably NOT all that it promises to be. You’re telling me someone dug out a pit to go beneath this? Doubtful. More likely that this is just a crate dropped in with the rest of the camp. The phantom pit! Kudos to Metal Gear for this think piece.
From bucket brigadier Emrysin here’s a classic blue sentinal potty stall that squats in the base camp of the apocalypse survival game Back 4 Blood. Now in most zombie apocalyse games you don’t get a lot of time to spend on the actual toilet. Because toilet time is all about repose and serenity, and there is none of that while the world is ending. This game has the foresight to put a shitter right in the camp so at least you have a little time to yourself before you go on missions, and to be clear these missions are not the creeping n’ sniping sort of missions. These are more the ‘mow your way through absurd undead population density.’ You’re like a bug zapper light in this game. Endless splatter. You can’t open the door, but mouse over the image if you want a closer look at that helpful handmade sign.
Here’s a Shitter of Fear from our Brigadier of the Year ILikeSocks! Once again from Callisto Protocol, this was spotted in the hospital wing after our hero escaped an ambush.
That does NOT look good. This is a shitter for a building where you’re supposed to go to get all healed up from your maladies and boo boos? You’re going to get tetanus, trichomoniasis, subhepatic hematoma, functional dyspepsia and all that jazz just stepping over the threshold of this miniscule concrete closet. Callisto Protocol has almost no HUD, but since you’re in a prison on Europa they’re using this prisoner collar on your neck to show your health and track your location and stuff. It’s like an Apple watch for your neck! Does this mean that if you go outside of the map your head explodes or something? Best to assume it does.
This submission is by bucket brigadier Alec! Not much is known about this shitter from Modern Warfare, but we can say a whole lot about it. First of all, this may be modern but this ain’t war. Sorry, kiddo, but this is just somewhat messy. Seat is up, which although is direct disrespect to the shitter does not amount to a war crime. A shitter with the seat up like that just isn’t dressed properly. And your bathroom will stay cleaner in general if you put that shit down, son. Anyway, turns out you can polish a turd because look at that goofy little vase of flowers. I’m pretty sure Thich Nhat Hanh was talking about this shitter when he said, “You cultivate the flower in yourself so that I will be beautiful; I transform the garbage in myself so that you will not have to suffer.”
Similarly to what we see here, I have rented apartments that had bathrooms with no window, and I must say, never again. Although I can confidently assert I endeavor to maintain commodes of a pristine state, bathrooms without windows are dank and not in the premium kind of way. Any place that has a bathroom with no window is hiding some mold problems. Trust.
I still have questions. Where is that light source coming from, what is going on with that square of sunlight when there is no window, what is causing the dual newtonian reflective flares on either side of the room, are we inside some spiritual realm where light does not enter yet is dynamically formed? Truly a shitter to contemplate.
From our 2021 Bucket Brigadier of the Year Emrysin, this rare-ass shitter is from Dragon’s Dogma and it was just in a hallway with no door or anything. So this beautiful example of medieval engineering is not only a shitter, but it is also a siege weapon. Note the arrow hole in the wall: This is very wise placement. The first spot you might think of shitting yourself while you hide from a barbarian onslaught might very well be right at the toilet, but Dragon’s Dogma already thought of that and gave you the resources you need to defend the fortress. Pew pew while you poo poo or whatever. And they’re gonna do you one better because I’ll wager (can’t say for certain because there’s no way to angle the camera down) if there’s an arrow hole in the crapper then the shitter itself is a murder hole so you can rain down holy hell on the invaders below. Unleash a bioweapon of unmitigated scorn. It just makes sense.
There’s something so funny to me about sneaking around to get a peek at this electric purple nightmare shitter with a flashlight powered with D-Cell batteries.
If your parents loved you, they baptized you in the ballpit at Chuck E. Cheese but if they didn’t love you, they only baptized your older sister and left you at home to scratch out a social life telling stories to the backyard trees. I’ll leave it to you to figure out which one I was. Anyway, Freddy’s is like Chuck E. Cheese but without the tragic backstory. Freddy’s horror show is FUN! Freddy is the multifaceted feverdream mascot that children crave.
This glimglam shitter was submitted by bucket brigadier Rockin T! It’s from the horror-ish game Five Nights at Freddy’s: Security Breach. Is it a scary game? Says Rockin T: “Depends on the person!” How wise. This applies to so many situations in this life. Apparently this game has a lot of jumpscares, which to me is more annoying than scary.
Ready for the lore-down? The corkscrew mess in the foreground is detritis left behind by a collectible/quest item. I know, but just accept it for now. It doesn’t really matter why, and it doesn’t need to make sense. In fact you might do more damage trying to flex your noodle around that so best to leave it be. The character on the shitter seat is Glamrock Freddy and his face is the logo for a children’s pizza/fun place. “The Pizzaplex used to be a little pizzeria kids’ place, so they were just plain animals, and now it’s like new and improved and they’re a band. There are many versions of him.” Like animatronic Grateful Dead Dancing Bears that you’d prefer to observe from the quiet side of ballistic glass, the Freddy Bears come in every color of the rainbow and have different personalities too! Apparently, Glamrock Freddy is “naive and friendly.” No wonder he is the face of this shitter!
Here’s a Shitter of Fear brought to us by our reigning Bucket Brigadier of the Year, ILikeSocks, from the terrible yet beautiful Callisto Protocol. Around this time of year BuzzPopNews or whatever bombards your default feed with “I didn’t ask for this”-type articles about words nobody should use anymore in the new year. Let’s try it ourselves starting with Antisocial vs. Asocial. While using this image as a guide, see if you can identify the correct adjective that describes this shitter:
Asocial: adj. Not social, such as rejecting or lacking the capacity for social interaction.
Antisocial: adj. Averse to the society of others. Unsociable; hostile or harmful to organized society, especially being or marked by behavior deviating sharply from the social norm.
The answer we are looking for is obviously the latter. Although the aesthetic here is making me really want a stainless shitter (look at the gleam on that bowl!). While it can be inferred that the ‘interior designer’ of this compound was trying to diminish the dignity of prisoners via exposure, the proximity of the shitter to the door of the cell is quite clearly a punishment for everyone else. Who wants to see that shit? So when you’re describing how you’re feeling on any particular day, think back to this shitter. You don’t want to go out, you don’t want to interact with others, so you’re feeling asocial. If you’re eager for everyone getting a good appraisal of your down-low bits, that’s antisocial. Let the shitter be your guide!
The turning of the calendar is not merely an excuse to make hollow promises to oneself and others, it is also a time to celebrate Greatness in Shitter Hunting and Greatness of Shitters! Today we are here to acknowledge our Bucket Brigadier for 2022 and it is a long-overdue accolade for ILikeSocks, a veteran shitter hunter who is now a decorated Brigadier. Socks has been with the Brigade for many years and has contributed something like over 13 shitters to our museum. Our community is so lucky to have him.
This is the most accurate picture of Socks that I could find. Outside of his hobby as a legendary weaver and baker of breads, Socks is a connoisseur of fine gaming entertainment. What does such a sommelier detect in choice gaming? “I honestly just look for anything to fill the gaping void of time. If it’s scary, or has exploration and/or space I’ll check it out. Also FROMSOFT games. I like finding shortcuts around the world. I guess I just like games where it feels like the people making them actually cared. Low bar 🤷🏻♂️”
Games you are looking forward to in future? “First thing I’m looking forward to is ELDEN RING DLC after that in no particular order: RE4 remake, Diablo 4, Armored Core, Starfield, Bombrush Cyberfunk.”
What’s the worst video game you’ve ever played and why? “The worst game I’ve ever played? You know it’s the cesspool that is Elder Scrolls Online. Heel deep gameplay where every class is exactly the same just with different colored spells. Power creep so insane the devs are in a perpetual state of meltdown, small unengaged community full of toxic groups. Difficulty all over the place with only two modes. IM TOO YOUNG TO DIE and We Are Never Going To Clear. Soulless cash machine, the entire game exists to prop up the crown store. There’s a few unlockable things like mounts and pets in the old old old base game content and maybe a few free outfits when you complete the DLC story but for 99% of anything worth having you need to buy it in the crown store. I could rant forever. But ESO fucking sucks.”
Thank you for everything, ILikeSocks! In your honor, $25 will be donated to the World Toilet Organization on World Toilet Day, on behalf of Gaming Thrones.
So it’s finally fucking here, something we have all been waiting for! 2022 is over, everyone always says “Last year was a flaming dumpster fire, good riddance!” but wasn’t 2022 quite a bit better than a couple of them previous years, let’s be honest? We’ve had some great shitters in 2022, yes a lot less than usual perhaps and I completely own that because as you have heard me say a thousand times I’ve been in school and it fucking sucks, dude. If I could hunt shitters for my living, I would do it, but so far nobody has stepped up to be my Shitter Daddy (sorry, I won’t say that ever again). Anyway before we get into the winner (not like you can’t immediately see the image) here’s a breakdown of what qualifies (and quantifies) as a Blue Bowl shitter.
This Blue Bowl Award is brought to us by our 2022 Brigadier of the Year, ILikeSocks, and it’s from Callisto Protocol. This one slide down the chute just before the end of the year and she is doing the most. This prison shitter gave me the thrills, and the chills! It’s going above and beyond with all that background glitter. Just based on the shitters alone I would definitely play this game, but you know what, honestly here’s a little review of the game from Socks himself, so you be the judge:
“A overwhelming “Meh”. Wait till sale or GamePass. It’s more unfinished half baked combat. The game looks great, spiritual successor-ish to Dead Space. But the combat is melee focused, not a terrible idea in itself but it’s shallow and quickly gets repetitive and when fighting more than one monster the combat falls apart and gets infuriating. Think melee combat as basic as Hellblade 1… maybe moreso, and where the monsters are happy to just gank the shit out of you and you dodge with the left stick for some reason. The dodge and combat break down when fighting anything more than one monster. For me at least, it’s in the same boat as Alan Wake 1. I really want to push forward with the story, I love the genre (Stephen Kingish Sci-fi Horror) but the gameplay is just to basic, repetitive and like pulling out my teeth. Also it’s mostly cheap jump scares and gore. Not really scary. Then again Dead Space wasn’t scary either. Some of the monsters are cool, but there isn’t much variety so far. Also same review applies for SCORN while we’re at it.”
Game quality and all of that aside, the shitter is fucking delivering. I am flush with more Callisto Protocol Shitters of Fear queued up to flash at you, now that I’m on a solid break so please look forward to it! 2023: The best is waiting for us! I am ready for this shit!
Hunty, what the fuck is “Smile for Me”? It’s a creepy and beautiful acid trip made from mixed media and interactive puzzles. You play Flower Kid, and while at The Habitat you meet strange folks, solve problems on their behalf, and get to sleep in a Cowboy Bed. The main objective is to prevent everyone from “losing their smiles forever” to the vindictive yet sensitive, clownish and gender non-conforming villain Dr. Boris Habit. So here’s the shitter.. and look! there’s a smile right inside it! Turns out this is a quest item. This shitter is submitted by Bucket Brigadier Rockin T!
This shitter is brought to us by Bucket Brigadier Rockin T from the game Gone Home which is serving up Indie Vibes with that font. Says our brigadier: “I actually don’t FULLY remember the plot of this game but it’s the 90s and you’re a woman who’s come home to an empty house and you look through it to unravel the truth of your sister’s first love. Essentially while you’ve been away, your younger sister fell in love with a woman and the family wasn’t supportive and everything sorta fell apart so now the house has been largely abandoned.”
Deplorable, shitty family dynamics need not necessarily translate into deplorable bathroom situations, because as we can see this is a fairly spotless restroom, all things considered. Damn. This shitter has witnessed some truly bad parenting, and although it too was abandoned, we are taking a moment to appreciate it once again because look at that elegant, elevated cistern. Not something I would put in my own bathroom but hey the 90s were crazy baby. AND BY THE WAY, that push-button flusher was patented in 1993, so FINALLY we get video game designers who actually do their RESEARCH! (I’m looking at you, Fallout 76).
Ever just lose your keys and then think “Of course, I’ve left them in the shitter.” If so, the best advice I can give you for this LIFE is to just not take things out of your pocket while you are in the bathroom. It will make everything much easier for you, you will lose less things and touch fewer germs overall. From Bucket Brigadier ILikeSocks, this keyless entry is from Alan Wake remastered, a horror game that isn’t very scary. Our Brigadier-submitted commentary follows thusly:
It takes place in the same universe as Control and one of the DLCs was related to it. I’m expecting a lot of weird paranormal shit and that won’t make sense. It’s like “Totally Not Stephen King” from the 2010s. All their games are weird AF but I love their stories for some reason. Also it’s clear to me now Remedy is a smaller studio because they reuse all the same voice actors. Not that I mind because they all have 10/10 narrator voices.
Alan wake has the worlds weakest flashlight. The battery drains in like 5 seconds. In this scene, our Shitter Safari takes place as the hero tries to find car keys to get back to the cabin. Your wife is missing (I mean you were probably divorcing anyway) and there’s like evil darkness fucking with everything. Fun Fact: The stall on the right there you can’t open because some nerd is waiting to pop out (I had to reset game because the lights went out and I couldn’t take these glam shots). I’m finding manuscripts I haven’t written yet. and it seems like at this place you can write fiction to be real or something.
Cmon, concentrate! If you could write fiction to become reality anywhere in the world, it should be while on the shitter. Everyone knows the best thinking of the day happens right here, after all the gut is lined with brain-equivalence neurons.
Bucket Brigadier ILikeSocks is taking us to the major leagues with a collecton of Shitters of Fear from the Future. Horror survival game Callisto Protocol thrills us in the first 30 seconds with a prison shitter, which I love to see. Some sage wisdom from Socks:
“I literally have no idea what’s going on in the story yet. It’s basically a dead space game. Which itself was basically Resident Evil 4 in Space. You crash your “Aliens”-style cargo ship, and they are like “Guess you’re in prison now,” then monsters break out. I was supposed to take an elevator up but it went down because it was broken for plot reasons so they have you go through solitary as an alternate route. This is the Solitary Confinement shitter. Everyone loves shitters of fear, but no one wants one in real life.”
Too fucking true, dude. We delight in the beauty of the Shitter of Fear, but rarely admit the utter debacle it has gone through to acheive that beauty. Let’s break it down: This prisoner was evidently a shrewd DIY crafter because look at all those empty TP rolls. Everyone knows you can make many delightful decoratons and ornaments with these! This restroom is obviously a MAKERSPACE. Pair that with copy of the Tao Te Ching you see on the shitterside console and your inner anthropological detective begins to form a portrait of who this prisoner was: A thoughtful introvert who just cared too much. And what a comfort it must have been to have this bulletproof shitter, pulling double-duty as a sink, for a companion during their time of great personal turmoil. Shitters of Perseverence!
Submitted by Bucket Brigadier Rockin T, this shitter comes to us from Danganronpa: Trigger Happy Havoc! A visual novel adventure game, it is exceptional due to the fact that it accounts for the requirement of bathroom breaks in any adventure. This scene shows us the death of Sayaka Maizono, and her corpse is in Makoto Naegi’s dorm bathroom. Her vital fluids are hot pink because this is the cute sort of horror. As told by our Brigadier: “She was killed here trying to frame Makoto for murder by killing Leon, but then Leon tried to kill her instead and she hid in the bathroom, but he managed to kill her with the knife. In this scene, you’re examining the room for evidence! They think the killer is Makoto originally, but you go through the trial and are able to prove that it was Leon! You can’t see it in this screenshot, but behind her, she wrote LEON, but upside-down because she drew it in blood with her finger on the wall so it was facing her. So, it looks like it says 11037 because the line between the N is too smudged. A lot of the trial is figuring out the importance of the code.”
I seem to remember this exact plot from an episode of Matlock wherein a dying woman still had the strength necessary to program her VCR to the time “3:37” because her killer’s name was LEE. She was also upside-down at the time. If you know anything about programming a VCR, it requires every ounce of your concentration plus black magic fuckery and the help of a TI-84 Plus graphing calculator, and a sextant couldn’t hurt, so I have doubts.
The toilet in this scene is very interesting. Fun fact: Contrary to an outsider’s assumption of sheer ignorance, this toilet is NOT behind a transparent partition of performative privacy theater. Rather, this ladycorpse is in a shower, and the toilet could only look on helplessly through the glass as this terrible crime was perpetrated. No one ever asks a shitter to testify, and I think that’s a loophole that killers often capitalize upon!
You know how much I love me a dungeon shitter. Today’s submission is from Bucket Brigadier ILikeSocks who reminds us that in the darkest hour, there’s always a glimmer of hope. In this case, it’s a standard wood-plank crapper with no seat. You’re meant to sit your ass directly on that surface, and imagine the creepy crawlies making a home in there. Says our brigadier: “Resident Evil 8 ended with you dying and saving your daughter. Turns out you were made of mold the entire 7th and 8th game. Shadows of Rose DLC is 16 years after RE8. You go into the mold hivemind/dreamscape to get rid of your powers. Shitter is in the beginning of the DLC. In the dungeons, I think.” This shit reads like a wartime journal entry.
Torres Piombo is listed as a “minor character” in the cast of Hitman, but if we’re getting honest, he’s probably the biggest character because he provides so much occular spice. In the classy Mediterranean town of Sapienza, Torres Piombo is simultaneously just one man, and somehow also a buffet of eclectic colors, style, and aromas. The ankle bracelet-clad Bohemian alpha male exudes rainbow-hued bachelor aura waves from his penthouse apartment above the (checks notes) Town Hall? Lose yourself in the peaceful swirling and twirling to the music eminating from his Zen den. Marvel at his collection of cans, bottles, and Buddhist figurines, while partaking of his whacky weed. Sink your toes into the luxury of the garnet shag bathroom rug set. Get fired up to punch a Nazi after experiencing the unbridled testosterone of his Fascism-killing accoustic musical implement!
In this screenshot, submitted by bucket brigadier Swolito, we see beatnik lamb Torres needlessly slaughtered. At least his dearest companion in this life was at his side during his final moments! Alas, a shitter cannot give testimony in RICO trials.
From our Bucket Brigadier of the Year 2021, Emrysin, here are two gendered toilet banks in an actual Dungeons and Dragons tavern map. This is a rare Birdseye View shitter. Says Emrysin: “That’s the tavern we were staying at while investigating a series of murders tied to un underworld crime syndicate. The well in the center of the room goes down into the sketchy place. When we entered the tavern the first time, some slimes and a troll came out of the hole. The tavern is known for the hole in the middle of it, it’s named after it, if I remember correctly.”
How do the toilets factor into the dice rolling? If you go in there and roll a 2, is that a good thing? According to Emrysin, “A giga-slime creature did come out of the toilet, that we had to fight too. It was all very questionable.”
This shitter with icky chipped wood wainscotting and cleaning supplies scattered about is from The Evil Within 2. You’d think this is just a janitor’s haunt in some drippy basement but did you know this is a Dream Shitter conjured up by an AI?? This was submitted by bucket brigadier ILikeSocks, who says this:
“Game isn’t terrible and the settings are kinda cool in a weird dreamscape kinda way, it’s just got that B Movie acting. This shitter is in a machine that connects human consciousnesses together. The “core brain” went missing in the system so now everything’s corrupted and fucky. It’s kinda like a matrix sim, made to look and feel real so I’m guessing that’s why there’s shitters. The obviously-evil org wants to use this computer/sim technology to control the world/reality somehow. A SHITTERLESS REALITY. Anyway the guy’s daughter Lily, who he thought was dead, her consciousness is being used as the core so that’s why they send him in. That’s the gist. Go looking for daughter, shitter scavenger hunt instead.”
Congratulations to bucket brigadier Emrysin! The picture you see here is Emrysin himself, an avid book reader and extreme gamer with a bright future in professional game design consultation. Let’s check in with Emrysin, and ask him some important questions.
First, what drove you to want to attain this prestigious award? “My fierce competitive spirit and my undying love for toilets, but mainly I just wanted to support my friend and their toilet blog. Advocating for awareness of proper hygiene is so important and I feel so honored that I can help contribute to this blog that advocates for that in some small way.”
What kind of games do you usually find yourself playing the most? “I think the first thing I look for in a game is whether or not it’s co-op, and the second thing is if I’m going to enjoy the character progression. I also have a penchant for playing games with magic in them, since I really enjoy magic.”
What games did you enjoy the most in 2021? “Kena: Bridge of Spirits is a game I really enjoyed from 2021. It is full of whimsy and wonder. When I was younger a friend recommended Trine II to me, and it too evoked whimsy in me, and I liked the storytelling, art, and music. Ori and the Blind Forest is another such game. I really enjoy games that challenge me, like Dark Souls III. Also pretty much any game where I can be a healer or a medic, whether that be while slaying zombies, or in challenging RPG moments, or platforming in 2D games or exploring ancient ruins and bustling cities.”
What games are you looking most forward to in 2022? “There are two games which I am so excited about. The first is Baldur’s Gate III, and the second is Elden Ring. I am so looking forward to playing these gmaes with my friends, of course with the inimitable author of the blog that you are currently reading.”
Thank you Emrysin, and we are all on tenterhooks awaiting your next shitter submissions!
Our first place award goes to the Astral Plane shitter of the game Control which was submitted by Bucket Brigadier ILikeSocks! Out of all the impressive member submissions of 2021, this shitter truly rose above all others, in both that it was actually levitating and also in that it has an associated achievement which is so freaking meta.
Our runner-up is the Legacy Shitter from Red Dead Redemption II, submitted by Bucket Brigadier Casper! This shitter had quite a vine-like lineage behind it, almost an astral plane of its own. A powerful backstory and character development is what players yearn for in gaming shitters.
What these shitters have in common and why they are both winners is the element of pause-and-reflect that is built right into them! What games need more of is starry-eyed fan children trading stories about how a shitter changed everything, because that’s how it works in the real world. Astral Plane shitter says “Look at me. I am hovering and tilting through the colorless void. You may not sit upon me. You may only perceive me from yon floor, which is beneath me, and gaze at perfection.” Great! Similarly, you can’t sit on Legacy Shitter. Why? Because it’s a fucking tetanus hazard and very likely there’s a nest of black widow spiders under that seat.
Congratulations to the winners!
Do you love this alt-textured, expertly-clipped, HIGH ART shitter? This one was submitted by Bucket Brigadier Omni and it was created by someone he knows named The Fashionista Cineon. The mood in this bathroom is everything. The rainbow prism suncatcher, scattering beauty across the walls and floor. The air-scrubbing, friendly plants hanging in the sun that simply pours in through the windows. That Hollywood-grade vanity sparks joy with its clutter-free surface, lit from above by a gentle green Fae lamp! And the tile is actually my favorite flooring in the game. This bathroom is giving me face, body and face!
Let’s talk about the shitter itself, which I believe is an Alpine chair with some kind of pedestal clipped into it. So exceptional. There aren’t any actual shitters in Final Fantasy XIV, which is kind of strange, given Japan’s notoriously positive Toilet Culture. So it’s up to intrepid designers like Cineon to craft them from the raw materials they find in the wild. Well done, Fashionista!
I hope you like the design of this collage, brought to us by Bucket Brigadier Alec! These shitters come from three different locations in Fallout: New Vegas, with the following commentary: “The first one is from the Lucky 38’s Presidential Suite. The second one is from a casino, and everyone got murdered in the casino and that’s all I know about it. That last one is the Crimson Caravan Company.” I’m sorry, I just have to jump in here and ask how freaking presidential is that first shitter?? Am I right or am I right? YES, give me all the slate-gray, high-traffic, low-pile, airport-quality, wall-to-wall CARPET in my bathroom, Mr. President!
Thank you for your submission Alec! Every submission represents a donation to the 2021 World Toilet Day!.
Did you know that shitters can actually produce reality-bending effects on the mind?? This postulate is certainly implied by what we see here. These shitters are from The Sims and you can see the effects of the shitters’ psychedelic, strange auras on the very impressionable AIs. In the first place, we see a Happy Child - now, she could be happy because of the beautiful shitter, or is she happy because of the Neighborhood Brawl? Second observe, the Very Sad Woman - Why is she sad? The shitter is different, but the Neighborhood Brawl is the same. So, her warped mindset must be owed to the otherworldly aura of the shitter! Lastly, we see the maddening effect that multiple types of shitters have on the little people, as the third woman paces, gesticulates, and mutters to herself. This is likely due to the dramatic variations in shitters present! The power of the shitter is something we truly have yet begun to unravel.
These shitters were presented by Bucket Brigadier Emrysin!
This sentient toilet paper roll was submitted by Bucket Brigadier Fongaboo! It appears in the award-winning reality sim game, Everything, where you can attain sentience as basically any object, including the Most RolyPoly Holy Toilet Roll! This is the ultimate form, by the way. He won the game.
Pristine. Gorgeous. Unblemished by viscera. These are the terms which percolate into my mind’s eye as I gaze up on this veritable buddha of a shitter, present in the horror survival game Alien: Isolation! I’m just imagining the telltale clacking of Xenomorph claws and tail whippin’ around in this cubicle as you scramble to wriggle out of Death’s way. This is definitely a pre-death cubicle. Good thing the surface is so easy to wipe clean. So, no door? Or that door is held open by the helpful “slippery surface” board (as in, Caution: Slipping hazard is the worst of your worries in this area, trust me!). This image has been gifted unto our eyeballs by the prolific Bucket Brigadier ILikeSocks, who adds the following:
“I had to crop the image like crazy. This is right at the start on the space truck while you’re walking around in your underwear (they’re stylish). You’re Ripley’s daughter Amanda, who’s going to a station that has the Nostromo flight recorder. There’s a xenomorph onboard the station and everything’s already fallen apart when you get there. It’s pretty good so far. It actually has pacing and atmosphere, unlike 90% of other horror games. I haven’t found ol’ penis-head yet, but it’s gotten me to jump a few times.”
Well, at least you have this, which looks to be the perfect place to shit yourself as you fruitlessly beg your indifferent Overgod to see fit to spare your wittle life. Do you think the Xenomorph is religious enough to be truly thankful as it makes you its meal?
From the Shitters of Fear anthology, our Bucket Brigadier ILikeSocks shares this gorgeous outhouse from Resident Evil: Village. Bravely reporting live from a super frightening place, and getting us all in the mood for Halloween, Socks says “I had to crop the RE8 ones like crazy to get them to send.” We all make concessions, why I myself had to ruin the mood on the second image rollover by turning the brightness all the way tf up because couldn’t see a god damn thing. Turns out light levels play a major role in scary-ness, because this potty is actually quite nice. I mean, it’s brick, and brick is ick, if we’re being honest, but overall, it’s a solid shitter. Such architecture could probably withstand a hurricane, so definitely a place I would hide from zombies and ghosts. Watch out, or the Babadookie will get you!
Remnant: From the Ashes is a co-op survival game with shitters! Check out this contribution from Bucket Brigadier Emrysin:
“These are actually two different toilets. The glowing thing is a healing potion; it’s called bloodwort, and it’s inside of the toilet. As we were exploring the DLC, I saw this abandoned farmhouse and I thought, ‘I wonder if there’s a toilet.’ So I asked Alec, ‘Have you seen a toilet,’ and he said, ‘What do you mean, I was JUST in the bathroom.’ There was an event that happened right outside the farmhouse, it was called Survive the Swarm. After surviving the swarm of corruption, I found time to relax in this restroom.”
Incredible reporting from this Brigadier. And welcome to the newest member of the Bucket Brigade, Alec! Not sure how I feel about HP potions inside toilets, but I guess you have to do whatever it takes to survive! I had to turn up the brightness on these screenshots because this is one dank farmhouse but I’m enjoying the wallpaper, the handicap-accessible doorframes, and the push-button flush mechanism on the shitters. Whenever I see one of these in a game, I think about that one anachronism from Fallout 76.
It’s fancy. And I’m not sure if that’s because it has a woodgrain toilet seat, or if it’s because of the goldtone flush handle, or maybe because it remains intact while the entire wall behind it has been annihilated. “DIY’d into a walk-through garden passway!” is what the MLS listing for this house would read. Granted, I haven’t seen the other shitters in this game (if any), so I don’t know how fancy it is compared to those. This shitter comes to us from bucket brigadier Emrysin and it’s from the game 7 Days to Die. According to our brigadier, you can’t use the toilet, it’s merely decorative. And maybe provides minimal cover for your bow and arrow when the time comes to defend your hovel against the legions of the undead, but I wouldn’t stake my life on it.
Have you ever wondered where angels, Morpheus, and Elon Musk all prefer to spend their thinking time? It’s right here. Thank you to our Bucket Brigadier ILikeSocks for being the oracle of this porcelain messiah. From Control, this is the Astral Plane shitter! Get your reiki-charged moonwater enemas ready and make sure those amethyst crystals are up your butt, cos this is where you shit them out. Incredibly, there’s even a secret achievement associated with this shitter.
This shitter is a contender for the esteemed Blue Bowl of 2021.
Bucket Brigadier ILikeSocks has blessed our eyeballs with these gorgeous shitters! These are all from the game Control. First, we have an exceptional shiny metal specimen! Please note the bling bling reflections, the toxic waste, plus a magazine labeled CHICKEN. I really do like the “Sink Twice” model here, fully clad in modern AF stainless steel, and the sign here seems to indicate that yes, you can dump that toxic sludge you’ve been looking to dispose of down this very drain. Although it still has a ways to go to be fully environmentally-conscious, as there’s both TP and HP (Hand Paper) being dispensed in this room.
Second, this bank of shitters. You set forth on the noble quest to obtain mold spores called “Type B”, aka butt variety. From our brigadier: “I got a side quest that involves getting some mold samples, and one of them specifically says I gotta find it near toilets.” Quests involving shitters will always win my heart over, so I’ll go ahead and endorse this game I haven’t played yet. Gotta be a good one if it features shitters as NPCs.
This shitter is a contender for the esteemed Blue Bowl of 2021.
I wasn’t sure what to call this one because it’s just from a random map in Dead by Daylight. This rather tragic story is brought to us by bucket brigadier Emrysin who suffered horribly to get us this photograph. So at least try to stifle your horrified laughter as you take in this quite dramatic and heroic yarn:
“I said to my teammate, ‘We have to find the shitter.’ We ran by the house, I photographed the toilet, and I realize I should have made it more of a central focus of the photo, but as we are in the house I hear this noise and I think Oh whatever, it’s a noise, but then the killer found me. And I got the special kind of murder. In this match, the killer was The Hag and she - you can see her in the last photo - well, I’m bleeding out on the ground, and she has approached me and my teammate is there, and he is running away. As you can see. And you can see how I am being murdered. She sliced me and then she stuck her hand in and pulled out a thing and my teammate is there teabagging me before he runs away and this is what happened to me when I had to get that toilet. This is the fate that befell me.”
From bucket brigadier ILikeSocks, this memo can be found in the game Control. From our brigadier: “Yeah, the building is constantly shifting and shit, so apparently an entire department’s bathrooms just decided to move themselves. Every day we stray further from god.”
This one is part of the “Shitters of Fear” Anthology. From bucket brigadier ILikeSocks! I asked him if this doll was significant somehow to the plot? He says:
“Oh lol. It’s just a mannequin. You got captured by the cannibal mold people. It’s right after you escape the main house and reach the trailer to save before you move to the next area. There’s all this creepy shit throughout the house. Mannequins with barbed wire and babies wrapped in it hanging from the bridge.”
It’s this forced-fear shit that really makes you stop and think, Who is setting up this scene? Guys, we need more barbed wire and babies in here, or we’re not convincing anybody!
Dead by Daylight has only one Silent Hill map - it’s this one, and it has a shitter! This one is brought to us by bucket brigadier Emrysin. I know we have seen in the past where bathrooms make great squats for would-be killers and their ofttimes victims, but here’s a story that teaches us that shitters can be a bridge for community between these warring factions:
“First picture is obviously a solid shot of the toilet. Actually, this bathroom has a secret passage connected to it that goes from the upstairs to the downstairs portion of the bathroom. It has pipes and things, and the only way that you can get to it is if the killer breaks open the passageway. Well, sometimes you’ll encounter troll killers who are friendly and instead of killing you they fuck around with you, in a nice way. After NOT getting a troll killer for a long time, we happened to get one on this map; it was Ghost Face. In the first picture you’ll see this Ghost Face who is wearing an outfit with a red demon mask and is, in fact, not murdering us. Also apparently ugly sweaters are a thing and everyone insisted upon wearing their ugly sweater.
So this killer, we brought him to the bathroom. We were like, wash your hands, it’s important. We kept pointing at the sinks and he did a lot of crouching up and down, and I hid in a locker, and he ripped me out of the locker to carry me (as killers do). In the last photo, the bar at the top indicates the match is ending, and so we did a crouch dance for the killer. And he was very pleased.”
Submitted by bucket brigadier Emrysin! This is a secret clubhouse shitter. This cave, called the Whispering Depths, is hidden beneath a brew pub in a fucked-over/abandoned/ruined town which is now just called “Blighted Village”. Yes, once goblins get ahold of your town it just takes on this tainted moniker and you can forget about the picket fences and the bunting! This cavern is where a lot of spiders and desiccated corpses hang out, and they’ve been chilling here for a lot longer than the goblins. Trust. Turns out there’s a full-on Necromancer that’s been camping out in there as well, and this is where he would sometimes go to read and be alone. Similar to how a small child might claim a crawlspace, and maybe set up a beanbag, a tiny table, and some snacks and comics, the Necromancer has a little bunk here where he broods over his love of spiders, dark gemstones, and shadows. There are numerous diaries, lots of nondescript and dirty fabric, crumbling scrolls, unlabeled dusty bottles, and a SHITTER!!
Today’s shitter is brought to us by bucket brigadier Casper! This Wild West outhouse comes with quite the backstory. This is a legacy shitter, and the hero character’s name is JOHN! Destiny is calling. Gather ‘round the campfire, brigadiers, as Casper spins us the yarn of this remarkable loo:
“This may be the shitter I am most passionate about. Now, it doesnt look like much. But that crap shack and outhouse are what paved the way for the ultimate end of one of the greatest Western stories ever told. This is the MOST important crapper in the West, I’m telling you! There is SO much owed to this shitter, you have no idea. Let me educate you…
The land around this cabin, and that shit shack ahead of it, is the land of Beecher’s Hope. That shack and shitter were part of the previous landowner’s home, who as it turns out doesn’t need either anymore. With the help of two of his closest friends, John Marston (a future hero of the West) builds his family home all by hand. But the shitter is what kept those men comfortable while they built a legendary home. Sure, by the end they had a proper ‘modern toilet’, but where would those men have deposited the goods beforehand? The modern shitter might be more difficult to find. I’d have to swap consoles, hope it’s in that version. If it isn’t, then I’ll play the first game and get to the end just to see it.
There’s more. THAT SHITTER RIGHT THERE is why John’s family is taken, and why he ventures across the old Western America and even into Mexico. That shitter led to the downfall of what was left of the old gang and eventually gave John the land of his final resting place. This is the shitter of the American Dream. Because if that lonely shitter wasnt there, then John probably wouldn’t have build his family home. And the downfall of the gang is because they end up being the villains of the next game! There is FAR too much to say about this long-drop.”
Wow, this outhouse is like the architect of dreams and nightmares. And that Grim Reaper’s scythe leaning against the door? Savage. Get yourself right with Sanitation. Judgement Day is coming; the shitters shall decide.
This shitter is a contender for the esteemed Blue Bowl of 2021.
Submitted by bucket brigadier Clay! Here’s the story as we learned from Clay:
“Graham Grundy is some dead guy you find outside the mega city, and you take his u-chip (which is like his identity in a chip). You go to his house because you’re trying to find these missing kids, and he’s somehow connected. His wife is there already being interviewed by a guy from the Ministry of Wellbeing, he’s asking about her missing husband and then you pretend to BE him… Anyway you wander around his house trying to learn more about him while she is distracting the guy, and this is his bathroom! Where he hung his employee of the month pic, lol.”
I guess a lot of people do take selfies in the bathroom and you know that selfie is gonna be a banger when you get that Employee of the Month pic in the background of it. Graham Grundy knew what was up. Watching the likes roll in on his selfies with that booster floating in the bg. Get it, Graham.
Congratulations, Azi! I know you thought nothing good would come out of 2020’s ugly ass, but what a relief it must be to receive this honor, which you can certainly put in the “volunteer work” section of any resume. Throughout the year, Azi has been a true friend and stalwart companion, exposing me to shitters heretofore unknown. Such as the interactive shitters of Animal Crossing! It was enough to make me want to get the game myself. Azi also waded toe-deep into New World to find me a potty. Azi is always encouraging me by chuckling at my jokes, so I guess you could blame him for a lot of the crap that came out of this blog in 2020! Thanks a lot, Azi. This year, let’s flush out even more shitters together!
Brought to you by ヴァニーニャ from GameSpark, who says the following: “汚いトイレもありました!” I love the gritty atmosphere of this shitter. Very punk indeed, and mysterious! Where is this shitter? Is it in a slum? Or in a high-end, exclusive, jet-setting dance club? That tarp with the spray paint? Maybe it’s not a tarp at all. Maybe it’s an art piece, and it was expensive as shit.
We did it, brigade! Thanks to bucket brigadier Omninuts and his Nutsack community on Twitch, we not only met our goal of $400 (Singapore), we blasted right past it! As of this morning, our campaign has raised $729 - and it’s not even over! We still have until November 18 at midnight to raise as much as possible for the World Toilet Organization. The incredible success of this campaign has brought new light to my heart and I am more determined than ever to bring you top notch gaming shitters. So I have decided that for every Bucket Brigade submission of a new shitter, I will donate five dollars to this cause. It is going to really add up and I’m very excited to post a new shitter submission link on the page. This submitter will be available shortly. Check it out and send those shitters.
Submitted by 2019 Bucket Brigadier of the Year, Khazya! Now here’s an example of “don’t judge a game by it’s initial lack of shitters,” brigade. I tried Destiny 2 a little over a year ago. After scouring the starter zone for any evidence of a shitter - and finding none - I decided No shitters? NO LOVE. But I was wrong, brigade.
This crapper can be found on Europa, behind a fully transparent surround, although there’s a cardboard privacy standee kind of propped up next to it. Tons of toilet paper. This is some loot right here. Also a very comfy bed! It does look like a bare mattress from here, but I saw it up close and it was a sleeping bag made from that reflective survival bedding that astronauts use. Not a bad spot to squat.
Every year on November 19, the World Toilet Organization celebrates their victories, outlines new goals, and presents their plea to the world at large for donations to their incredible charity effort to bring safe and clean toilets to underserved communities. Just some of their projects this year included waterless composting toilets in Xi`an City, China! The WTO also expanded their Rainbow School Toilet Program in China. You can read their Annual Report from 2019 here, and please look forward to their updated 2020 Annual Report in the coming days.
Bucket Brigade, this year we are doing something special for our friends at the World Toilet Organization. The Gaming Thrones community is seeking to raise $400 (Singapore) before World Toilet Day - November 19 - to add to the WTO yearly goal! Whether you are a veteran brigadier, or if you wish to join the ranks as a new member: Please consider being part of our charity drive by making a secure PayPal donation via our Campaign Link! You can give any amount - even a donation of $5 will help us reach our goal. What might seem like a drop in the bucket can add up significantly! You’ll be a part of making a world of difference for a person you may never meet, but who will thank you multiple times daily. Additionally, myself, and the WTO at large will sincerely thank you for your contribution. To ensure the funds get to the destination before World Toilet Day, the fundraising will close on November 18, 2020 at midnight.
From bucket brigadier ThatOneCroatian, the busted, pink AF tiles of this Half-life: Alyx washroom match the pink alien ooze that covers the walls and floors. Decorating perfection is having the forethought to select tiling, fixtures, and even soap that coordinates with an infestation occurring possibly decades later.
Amazing! From bucket brigadier Casper, straight from Hitman: Blood Money. I’ll let our brigadier take it from here: “What you don’t see is the Secret Service outside the bathroom, VERY upset with my trespassing. This is actually the most difficulty I’ve had looking for a toilet!” THIS is the presidential shitter? This is a butler’s broom closet! Is there even a shower? “That was it unfortunately. It’s insulting, isn’t it? Haha.” What the fuck, brigade? Look at this shit. A tiny red carpet with gold trim. The back of the toilet is even gold. Honestly perfect, don’t change a thing. And a little piano bench or something? Is that what an Executive Manservant sits on while they wait for Freedom to poop? Are we going to let these developers get away with it, or are we going to write to our State Representatives and demand better representation of government shitters?
You don’t have to answer that. Back to Casper, who gains a significant edge in the race for 2020’s Brigadier of the Year with his contribution during election season! And he further promises, “If all goes well, you may have your choice of White House toilets.” What can it mean?? I’m so excited! Tune in to blast the lid off this mystery!
Brought to you by bucket brigadier Omninut! This was the site upon which our brigadier met his painful death by getting his melon dome twisted all the way around. Is that the entrance to the Chamber of Secrets I see? Omninut’s commentary is as follows: “The hole that you see next to the shitters is in fact an escape route!” Be honest - would you use a shitter escape chute?
Submitted by bucket brigadier Casper! Can you believe this shit? This tiny-ass cramped little closet looking like it belongs in a RV is Captain America’s own throne? This humble bowl? Tell us about it, Casper:
*It’s inside his room on the Chimera. Well each Avenger has their own shitter, so there are tecnically 7 Avenger poopers. There is also a crew quarters, but I can’t get in there, so I have no idea how many are there. Each bathroom looks the exact same, haha.”
Well, there you have it, difficult as it might be to fathom that even the actor who plays Captain America would feel enthusiasm over the prospect. I’m including the second picture as proof because this is one lackluster little loo.
Today’s content dump is brought to you by bucket brigadier Azi!!
“The best part is it flushes when she gets off. So you cant be like, ‘Well, maybe she’s just sitting.’ God dammit I talked to her and she sat down again. Good luck Ankha.”
Submitted by bucket brigadier Azi! This non-interactable outhouse is located in the settlement of Dayspring. To see inside, our intrepid brigadier had to angle his camera all crazy-like. His report: “Since you asked, there are some shitters in New World. Extremely basic on the inside, I expect improvements before launch.” Inside the outhouse we can see there is a seat. That’s good! But, I consider the amount of care and attention in the design of a game’s shitters to be a reflection of the depth and detail you’ll get from the gaming experience in general, so improvements? I certainly fucking hope so! Can you hear the people cry out, Amazon Game Studios? They are saying, “Make Better Shitters!”
From Melbourne Australia, the Who Gives A Crap company makes toilet paper and facial tissue from 100% recycled materials and/or 100% bamboo. What’s so remarkable about that, I can hear you asking? They also donate 50% of profits to sanitation charity efforts like WASH, SHOFCO, and WaterAid. Earlier this year, Who Gives A Crap donated $4 MILLION to their charity partners. That money goes to build toilets and improve sanitation services for the over TWO BILLION people on the planet without access to a decent shitter. Check out their Talking Crap blog for more information about their charity work.
This toilet paper looks pretty fucking great and I really want to get myself a box of the Play Edition. Themed like a toy box, the paper wrappers are cheerfully designed, and the packaging (which is both sustainably-sourced and recyclable) makes a fun and useful object even after it’s empty.
Everybody poops and as long as you’re buying toilet paper, you may as well help build toilets for your fellow man by investing in a company that’s doing the hard work for us: Honorary Bucket Brigadiers, Who Gives A Crap TP!
Submitted by Bucket Brigadier ThatOneCroatian! While on Safari, this is the first shitter we came across at the train yard, which is still in the informal tutorial section of Half-Life: Alyx. This VR game is incredible even from a spectator’s POV. There’s tons of things to interact with, including glass bottles of beer that you can really shake, watch foam up, and break into a fizzy mess. Our bucket brigadier reports that he could hear the flies buzzing inside this potty. On the ground outside, we see a bucket, which I of course appreciate a great deal.
There’s plenty of guts and slimy things in this game but I was intrigued to learn that a distinct boundary was drawn here, in terms of the icky and nasty. The rat, in the second slide, was lowered into the potty to demonstrate physics. We learned that the reflective surface of the inside of the potty chamber is actually flat and solid, so there’s no water in there.
Submitted by bucket brigadier fabronaut, who contributes the following:
“Hey, look! A shitter! Been so long since I played a game with anything like that. Mass Effect Andromeda, on board the ship – I already forget the name of it. The Tempest? Haven’t played any single player games in aaaaaaaaaages hence finally seeing a can I can take a snap of!
Submitted by bucket brigadier ThatOneCroatian! We went on shitter safari together where he showed me how Payday 2 has shitters like these. I can’t seem to correctly recall exactly what this place was because at the time there was a lot going on (explosions, flash grenades, tons of people in masks, darkness, neon lights) but I think this is either the interior of a club, or a bowling alley. Something like that. Payday 2’s shitters are cheerful and energetic, with lots of graffiti and textural details, like this reptile-themed condom dispenser.
Submitted by bucket brigadier ILikeSocks! There is so much shit going on in this picture, it doesn’t even need a rollover. Our brigadier says this about his experience:
“This is from the Borderlands 3 DLC, Love Guns & Tentacles. It’s about a gay Lovecraft wedding. This one is in the safe area. They all say “keep clear” and “blast zone”, etc. When you interact with the flusher, this tentacle pops up and throws ammo and stuff at you.
There’s some grubby toilet paper the color of pine ash. When asked if the shitter has a sink, ILikeSocks stated, “Yes; it’s a haunted mirror, with a spooky face.” This is more of an ornament or museum piece, than a shitter one would actually use. The ‘tentacle’ is great. And by great I mean really gross, sorry. If we’re being real, we can admit what we are looking at here, and I’m going to say no thanks.
Submitted by Bucket Brigadier Azi! He shares the following:
“I’m decorating a bathroom in my house. I have a magic/technologically-advanced shitter that opens the lid as you approach. Eating fruit fills an energy meter that lets you dig up trees or smash rocks; you can use a toilet to remove that in case you don’t want to break stuff.”
Welcome, Brigade, to the Age of Reason. No longer is the video game bathroom merely an aesthetic. Animal Crossing includes an interactive shitting mechanic that influences your player actions. I know 2020 has fucked the world sideways but at least we have this. And the use of the sink in the video? I commend you, Azi the Bucket Brigadier we need and deserve. An example to all.
Note the three different shitters here. The classic bucket, the classic throne, and the FutureThrone. As to why there is no toilet paper, Azi writes, “It hasnt been in my shop. Very typical. The ingame store only sells a handful of random items each day.” I’ll let this one slide.
Submitted by Bucket Brigadier Goobens, who was bestowed a sprinkle of mercy from an unknown and all-powerful entity in clouds:
“Sorry for the potato quality. So my girlfriend found a present - attached to a balloon - flying in the sky, and shot it down with her slingshot; She opened it up, expecting some kind of rare item, but was met instead with the face of a porcelain god. She huffed, and immediately shoved it in her house, so I decided to shit in it. And here we are.”
When bucket brigadier Solo Espresso told me he was playing Borderlands 3, the first question I asked was, of course, ‘Does it have shitters.’ This was his response. His commentary on these outhouses:
“It’s a place outside the starting zone. After the intro stuff, you get this. Kind of a mini-junkyard, but it isn’t. Second picture is same place as previous one, just a second one.
That silver beam of light looking like excalibur in the toilet is an ammo clip. The surrounding scrapheap makes for quite the dismal dump, but my say something nice is the colorful bunting is cheerful at best. Better than nothing, but still, it would bum me out to have to use this.
I guess to sidestep the inevitable inquiry of who maintains these shitters, the designers popped what looks like a vacuum cleaner onto the side of them so you get the impression they are some kind of automated composting toilet. That effort is admirable, but I still have questions. As far as I can tell, there’s no lore in the game that states what happens to the compost after it is processed. Does it just go into the ground? In what way does this impact the land? Is there a monster somewhere deep beneath the planet’s crust who is angered by the intrusion of the compost? I get the feeling the designers don’t want you to think too much about it. It’s just a crapper, so move on, gamer. Well, I think about these things!
Congratulations to Khazya, the Gaming Thrones bucket brigadier of the year! What did he do to deserve this? Khazya contributed a lot of content to us this year by pairing up with me and streaming his playthrough of Dishonored 2. Together, we documented undiscovered shitters, shared laughs at the expense of the steampunk aristocracy, and swapped ideas for future projects. Thank you for giving so much of your time that you can never get back to Gaming Thrones this year. I can’t wait to do even more of this with the bucket brigade next year.
In honor of our brigadier, a donation of $10 USD has been sent to The World Toilet Organization.
2019 has been a year of learning and growing. I discovered something new about myself in 2019. It turns out that one of my favorite things is to peek into random Twitch streams, and find surprising places where shitters hide, in games I never played. So hopefully in the coming new year, there’ll be more surprises like that!
Submitted by Bucket Brigadier Gunmetal! This is from the game Little Nightmares, in which the protagonist (a wee child) experiences the thrill of being a prisoner of the mind and running from their nightmares. Thank you for your sacrifice, Gunmetal. Though the graphics for Little Nightmares are genuinely innovative and quite beautifully drawn, I could never play this. Describing the scene for us, a dining hall on a cruise ship called The Moor, Gunmetal says the following:
“In this level there are these two creepy ugly chef guys that you keep having to hide and run from, my only guess is that they shit in tandem with each other.”
During my independent research, I observed the following: One, during some parts of the game, the chefs are attached to each other in much the same way as this toilet, and it’s very interesting that the game reserves for them a custom shitter. Commendable accomodations for the differently-abled.
Second, the level starts with the following description: “The Twin Chefs sense something that makes their skin itch. A dirty, unwelcome presence. Vermin will not be tolerated in the kitchen.” Of course, they’re referring to the player. Oh really? Do you see the state of this bathroom, wherein both chefs have left toilet paper rolls on the floor next to the crappers. The filthy assholes. Calling me a vermin? That really gets me fucking steamed. They also leave soap suds pooling on the floor around the overloaded washing unit, which will almost certainly cause a slip-and-fall accident, but maybe they figure they’ll get their hands clean in the dishwater because this bathroom doesn’t even have a sink! And no one is bussing the tables that continually pile higher and higher with dishes. The mood of gluttony is reminiscent of the transformation scene at the beginning of Spirited Away, and though I don’t believe that movie features even one solitary shitter, I can probably guarantee you the restrooms at Yubaba’s Bathhouse are in a higher eschelon of cleanliness than what we see here. Let me just change that health inspection grade of C to an F because this place is a fucking tip.
The United Nations Summit on Global Sanitation takes place today! Today, committees meet to celebrate victories in sanitation advancements over the past 12 months, as well as discuss challenges for the future.
This year, the Rainbow School Toilet Initiative was completed in Yangling, China. 15 similar school projects are currently underway! This incredible advancement improves health, well-being, and even life expectancy for the school children of this community.
For many of us, a working toilet is a necessity that we expect to find everywhere we go. So much so, that we anticipate them even in video games. Please consider celebrating World Toilet Day by giving a donation of any amount to the World Toilet Organization. If every Bucket Brigadier donated even $5 today, think of the difference we could make!
You can read more about it on the WTO instagram, and secure donations may be given through the WTO website.
Brought to you by honorary Bucket Brigadier Ashley! It is the dawn of a new era, Brigade. The porcelain ceiling is about to be smashed! Ashley’s mandragora toilet is a finalist in FFXIV’s furnishing design contest for 2019. The vision here is exceptional. A mandragora peeping at you when the lid is left up is the perfect reminder. I only hope the leaves on top have a sparkle effect, and hopefully, a flush sound. If this thing wins, FFXIV would finally boast, among the throngs of bookshelves and teapots, the most essential housing furnishing ever. What could be next? Think of the possibilities. Gerolt’s Forge shitter. Rowena’s Cultural Appropriation shitter. There even could be one for each Primal. A Shitter of Crags! Rngsus bless this designer. Best of luck for a win, Ashley. I want a fleet of these in my Free Company mansion.
Submitted by Bucket Brigadier ThatOneCroatian!
The collaborative puzzle-solving game We Were Here Together involves the use of voice chat to pass clues to a partner and interact with objects on separate map planes. But turns out, its even more than that. Because this game has shitters, my friends!
Look at this frozen shithole. This doorless portal to HELL is located at a spot called The Wall. How would you like to sit on that? It’s difficult to say for sure, but I’d call that a lethal drop. There’s an elevator puzzle on this level, and I know what you’re going to say, but no. The shitter itself is not part of this puzzle.
Submitted by Bucket Brigadier Khazya!
Durante was a man who came to be detained by the Grand Guard for suspicious activity. He did a number of odd yet significant jobs for the Howlers. One such task was kidnapping drunk people to exchange for Howlers hostages via Mr. Modotti, the local silvergrapher and liaison for Shindaerey Mining Company. In that sense, I would say Durante was a devil. But his other job was delivering food, water, and sundries to Aramis Stilton. That’s why he has the combination to Stilton’s front door. So, is he also the one who emptied Stilton’s chamber pot? That’s one conclusion, and for that reason I say this man was an angel.
Shitter Hero Durante was imprisoned in the basement of the Grand Guard’s Batista District outpost, in the most morally degrading conditions imaginable. Grim and bleak, this room is practically yodeling “You’re not coming out of here alive.” There are rats. There’s crumbling plaster walls. A CorningWare® basin to weep into. A gruesome, bare mattress to die on. An unadorned metal pail for your Last Business. And it might be the best prison shitter I have ever seen.
This shitter is a contender for the esteemed Blue Bowl of 2019.
Submitted by Bucket Brigadier Solo Espresso!
There’s some hidden secrets in the Jakobs Estate, including a golden bust of Lenin, and a secret door behind a bookcase! But you know what else is in this zone? A shitter.
I have questions. Is the Eden-6 neighborhood a Homeowner’s Association? This shitter looks remarkably similar to the one at Blackbarrel Cellars, though there are certain nuanced differences. Why did both these locations require bathside gramophones? Why do both of them have crappy curtain installations - What is that filthy painter’s dropcloth-looking thing hanging from above the toilet? And neither have doors. So, why doesn’t Jakobs Estate deserve a nod in the Blue Bowl potentials? Simply put, this location seems to have a better grasp of fire safety, and that bores me.
Submitted by Bucket Brigadier Solo Espresso!
This shitter is fantastic. What am I looking at here? Someone in the tub with a TV head? Is the person dead? Is that someone relevant to the story in any way? Is that a gramophone, or something like it? Detective Espresso has the answers!
“Yeah, apparently. I have no clue, it’s no one important. Just a random idiot mob. And that is a gramophone, I think it’s what it’s called, in the game. It’s such a pretty bathroom, and I love everything in it.”
It is pretty great. But you know what, Borderlands 3, you are really showing your ass here. The curtains are clipping into the walls. The pipes are wrapping around some of the curtains - how doth one closeth thine drapery? And my favorite thing used to be rugs with unfixable wrinkles. My new favorite thing is wrinkled carpet with candles that have been left burning on top of them. This crapper is a tinderbox. Yikes.
This shitter is a contender for the esteemed Blue Bowl of 2019.
Submitted by Bucket Brigadier Solo Espresso, who writes:
“Look it’s a double toilet! Just right there. Inside a shipping container two of them. #ToiletsWithThreateningAuras”
It’s not just remarkable that this unassuming shipping container sports two shitcans, which appear to have, somehow, a working flush function. It’s also wired for electricity!
Submitted by Bucket Brigadier Khazya! Whether you’re a rented security officer, a bellhop, or stomping on the fingers of the little guy as a Grand Guard, y’all shit just the same. Here’s where you’d do it! This one can be found on your way to the Jindosh Mansion. It’s easy to overlook, because it isn’t anywhere a normal person would put a public bathroom (on the top floor in a multi-level high-rise). It’s dismal as fuck, so a great place for Corvo to stash the chumps who get in his way. ‘Twas a dark a gloomy shitter!
Submitted by Bucket Brigadier Khazya! This shitter is located at a defunct saloon. You’ll find it near the beginning of the Addermire Institute mission. I’m really into these humble-proud Shopkeeper Shitters lately. Given how poorly the rest of this building is looking, the barkeep has kept his personal space quite neat and tidy in contrast! His affairs are all in order on that desk. The blankets are folded very nicely! He’s trying so hard to keep semblance of order in this crock of shit that we call The Empire of the Isles. Doing his duty! If this guy traded spots with Emily Kaldwin for a day, I think we’d see at least some of the daily necessities addressed.
Bucket Brigadier Casper submitted this pastoral cliffside shitter! It’s empty. You don’t get a door, but it’s positioned facing away from a fenced cliff’s edge, so at least you’ll see if a bear is coming right at you. Do you think the fear element is a help, or a hindrance to use of this facility?
This Red Dead Redemption 2 shitter was submitted by Bucket Brigadier Casper, who provides the following commentary: “Even amidst the dangerous West in the year 1899, prisoners were looked after better than some of the ranchers. This one in particular I can only assume sat a bandit leader for his last.. you know.”
Submitted by junior shitter hunter and bucket brigadier Maven from Maven’s Madness! I am proud to present the results of Maven’s first ever shitter safari - These two bathrooms are from the beginning of Bioshock Infinite. Here is some commentary from Maven: “How much do I weigh after using the shitter?” and, “Is this a lounge toilet?”
Submitted by Bucket Brigadier Minjianaxx, who says: “This was in the research facility for Argent Energy, which is an energy source found in Hell that can make infinite energy. The leader fucked up and let some bitch open a hell wave on Mars turning 60% of the people into demons, and the rest got killed horribly by said demons.”
A hatch hangs open on the ceiling. That doesn’t look safe, gamer! Exceptional photography by this Brigadier, who snapped a shot of the shitter itself in the midst of a melee.
“It’s not flawless, but it’s here” is what the delivery doctor said when they handed Baby Ulfric Stormcloak to his mother. It’s also the announcement I’m making today about the new mobile version of Gaming Thrones! I’m very excited to present this mobile version, as it is the result of a lot of hard work. It will probably receive numerous adjustments in the coming days, but it is my hope that this new application will be exactly what the Bucket Brigade needs when you’re on the go. To properly view the mobile theme, you might have to flush the cached data from when you viewed the site previously with your device.
Thanks for your continued viewership, Bucket Brigade!
“This particular shitter is from Nehrim: At Fate’s Edge, a full conversion mod for Oblivion, and a great game. This really nice shitter actually gets its own little private room. It’s located aboard the Soul Train, which transports the dead to the afterlife. I suppose this means even ghosts need to go from time to time.”
A fantastic submission from Bucket Brigadier ask-plasma! Incredibly, this is the first and only Oblivion shitter on this blog. Some intense philosophical questions bouncing around upstairs for me on this one.
These questions keep me up at night!
Today’s Sunday Mail Bag letter is the first we ever received. It’s from Bucket Brigadier drteeth76. This fan letter was received in 2014, when we were known as Shitters of Skyrim. The best part of corresponding with viewers is getting to know them a bit. Fun Fact: drteeth76 and I have something in common! We both spent time as librarians.
Today’s Sunday Mail Bag letter comes from loyal Bucket Brigadier imsopopfly. This fan letter was sent in November of 2018, while we were still on Tumblr. Notes like these are dear to my heart. I really treasure that you have been following my adventures for so long. Thank you for your support, Brigadier!
Here are some things that will be coming soon to Gaming Thrones!
That’s all for now! As always, thank you for your readership.
These shitters are brought to you by Bucket Brigadier Minjianaxx! The bathrooms at this entertainment resort are segregated, with obnoxious, rude signs indicating where it is legal or illegal to shit. The nerve of this place. You can’t tell me where to squat.
First we see the “Whites Only” restroom, and if you live in the sky city of Columbia, there is definitely something in the water making you stupid if you saw this and never thought it was bullshit. Velvet drapes? Gross!! The toilet seats don’t even have real lids on them. Every time you flush, there’s a fine mist coating these curtains, and then you’re touching them! The fussy granite urinals positively scream “You’re trying too hard, Prophet.” Additionally, somebody left food in this purse on the floor. Would you eat a shitter apple?
Apart from this, we also have the “Colored/Irish” restroom, which is, well, different, by comparison. The Prophet obviously didn’t shell out the big bucks for contractors on these sinks. Though I have to say, I do not think what is happening with that one sink is actually possible. Princess Comstock will carry on about how it smells in here, right in front of this guy who is just doing his best with what he has to work with. He’s trying so hard, so back off, Elizabeth. Lastly, the “urinal station” is just a trough in the floor. This design element is quite popular in some punk rock clubs in Los Angeles, so maybe they’re onto something.
Submitted by Bucket Brigadier Minjianaxx, these images come from the South Park game, The Stick of Truth. Apparently, you can use these items as grenades (see rollover). This is an example of what not to do, the wrong kind of shit, and a misuse of a bathroom, but it’s important for us to study bad behavior, so we can learn how not to be. Another example of bad behavior in this photo: Leaving your toothbrush out on the sink top in the open air of the bathroom. Gross.
This image is from the game Dragon Age: Origins. Submitted by Bucket Brigadier Minjianaxx, who says this:
“I DID IT! I FOUND A SHITTER! STALLS AND EVERYTHING! This is the mages tower, in the place the students sleep. It’s in the continent of Ferelden, next to the docks. You have to talk to a Templar to boat you across a river to get to it. You save the tower from one of the mages who went crazy and summoned leagues of demons inside. Last time I was in the mages tower, all the shitters were tossed willy nilly around, cuz of all the demons killing people, but if you go back during the dlc, it’s all tidy. Well, the destroyed version just had like one or two buckets with a shower tub just tossed in the corner. It’s why I couldn’t see what the room was made for with my UNTRAINED EYE.”
Submitted by Bucket Brigadier askerandur! Isn’t it super that the Falmer provide shitters to their captives before slaying them mercilessly?
The following shitters were submitted by Bucket Brigadier imsopopfly!
Sunken Skull Barrow: I had begun to fear that you would find no more shitters in Skyrim, when I got a bright idea. Why not explore modded content? I have been exploring Falskaar of late in search of shitters to show you. This search has not been fruitless. Behold the first of the shitters I have found. This one is located in Sunken Skull Barrow. Simple, but functional! Also warm, just look how close it is to that nice fire. There’s even reading material! The local necromancers are lucky to have a shitter like this.
Vulkrund Keep: This is Falskaar correspondent imsopopfly reporting live from Volkrund Keep, where I have found a DOUBLE SHITTER. No illusions of privacy here, folks. May offend the sensibilities of the more squeamish among us. Then again, you can’t exactly expect sensibility when the place is run by some crazy necromancer trying to reshape the world with the power of the Daedric lord Vaermina. Honestly this double shitter is the least trippy thing in the entire keep, and a fine place to do your business when you consider the alternative.
Stoneridge Watch: The next shitter from Stoneridge Watch is rather bare-bones, but you can’t honestly expect more in a cell. The folks the bandits here keep prisoner should probably just count themselves lucky that they don’t have to use the floor instead.
These are gems! Thank you, friend! I’m particularly fond of prison shitters. It’s like your only companion sometimes in a jail cell. That bucket is Wilson.
Submitted by Bucket Brigadier futilexistance! These Raiders know what’s what at Bloodskal Barrow. They moved in to this decrepit structure, and made it home. All they need is some dream catchers, and possibly a railing on the narrow, incredibly dangerous wooden catwalk that wraps around the tower.
They also made efficient use of this ancient burial chamber, complete with kitchen, mini library, bunk quarters and ample lookouts. In addition, as soon as you enter, there’s a bonfire piled high with Draugr. A simple solution to Zombies, and also makes for lazy firewood!
Submitted by a Bucket Brigadier Swolito! An eternal game of Spin the Bottle takes place on a rooftop in Appalachia, complete with picnic basket of chems. Looks like Teddy gets the kiss! Skelebones here may appear to be delighted by the prospect, but I am told that originally there was a gun in his hand: “Did he shoot himself because he had to kiss the bear? Or was it because he realized he was playing spin the bottle with a bear.”
This screenshot was submitted by Bucket Brigadier Maven! Is it boarded up for your protection, children?