Another submission from bucket brigadier ILikeSocks! This scene comes to use from Boderlands 4. What would ordinarily sound like both the vacation destination of a lifetime and the afterlife, the Coastal Bonescape is really just a place where shitters sprawl like obese land iguanas, guzzling booze and family-size buckets of peanut butter pretzels. And good for them. None could be more deserving.
Submitted by bucket brigadier ILikeSocks with the words “take this”, this Borderlands 4 shitter is sourced from a place called the Fades District, where mankind’s interference fades but nature’s power only grows, by orders of magnitude! Nearly completely reclaimed by the wild, this shitter might, if it could speak, warble the intonations of the Northern Dusk cicada. This powerful imagery is further punctuated by the presence of a sniper rifle festooned in a vintage 1996 track suit. People are always trying to rewrite history to sell off whatever warehouse stock of these neoprene abominations remain, but don’t be fooled. These were never cool. They were all only ever worn as coveralls by PE teachers, all of whom were failing to out-vogue Jayne Trcka.
Submitted by a bucket brigadier known only as Tuna, this Borderlands 4 shitter can be found in an abandoned mine. The toilet has been spoiled by something called Vis which is some kind of energy? Or perhaps a punky, cute nickname for viscera, here shown in the form of an artful spray that really gets your imagination going. Is whatever killed that former mammal still lurking nearby? Perhaps inside the toilet itself, or maybe pressed up against the stall’s anterior corner, waiting for you to get closer? And doesn’t this shitter have deep Eery Floom energy??
Shitterception! This Borderlands 4 shitter is an NPC holding a quest item you need to retrieve for the robot Claptrap. In this scene, the shitter functions as a lawman, performing a citizen’s arrest on this Psycho. But the shitter took the justice a little too far, and the guy died from dehydration. From bucket brigadier Swolito: “Claptrap (he’s like the WALL-E of Borderlands) said this corpse has been there for a couple of months; that’s why he’s so stinky.” The toilet itself is also described as “stinky”, but it’s been locked for a while, preventing any cleaning crew from accessing it. For the quest, Claptrap wants the mask this guy was wearing before this screenshot was taken. It’s unclear how he knows the Psycho is wearing one, but we are told he’s wearing it because the toilet smells bad. We are left to ponder, who stank first?
Forever generously lavishing shitters upon our field of vision,, Bucket Brigadier ILikeSocks submitted this Borderlands 4 shitter at Riptide Grotto, with a picturesque view reminiscent of South Africa’s esiKhaleni archway. This setup is high-key summoning the spirit of Appalachia’s Trapper’s Camp shitter but with a rude twist because the seat has been left up on a platform that could never allow a person to stand in front of it. It escapes my reasoning why this was done. I believe these bottles may be intended to convey water to flush it. Though we’d all love to see a bucket, this is a DIY life, baby. However diminutive this platform may be, I do enjoy the TP holder, visible in the rollover/hover image.
Night City (and its outskirts) is replete with that ‘No Future’ graffiti, and then you see shit like this and you have to wonder. This shitter can be found at a motel where a Militech squad is stationed and doing target practice during the quest “Radar Love.” I’m convinced this shitty society is beyond redemption. They have beautiful, futuristic shitters as far as the eye can see and yet they treat them like this. These pillaging maniacs! This looks like a construction site! It’s hard to even look at. Why is there gunpowder residue all over the bowl? Maybe these animals deserve no future. Be thankful for and take care of what you fucking have, for one day you may find yourself shitting in the street - alleycat style - thinking fondly back on that desert oasis left in rubble at the Sunshine Motel.
Barry, Barry, Barry… Oh, my GOD this fucking room Barry no wonder you’re depressed! This is a hovel, man, like this is a full-on rat’s nest! Ugh, I can’t even look at this mylar-trimmed caveman shit. Duvet cover is a survival blanket from the space shuttle. Moon explorer for real.
And yet? I have hope for Barry. In comparison to the bedroom, this shitter is actually pristine. I mean maybe he paid someone to clean it for him 10 days ago. This does not match the adjacent room at all. Final thoughts - Does he kneel to use the sink? Why’s it so close to the ground??
What happens if a shitter sees its own shadow? Such things never occur outside the realms of HELL! Here’s “Belphegor”, Ambassador of Filth (Type: Irritable!). Belphegor inexplicably drops silk yarn, but he has other traits as well. He’s the Governor of Sloth - happy for him - yet he “excels at invention and discovery” which generally contradicts what he governs completely? According to Persona, this imagery derives from “Ba’aal Pe’or, Syrian god of abundant crops”. Again, not sloth, but what do I know? I myself have only briefly dabbled in sloth, industry, and farming separately, I’ve never tried them all lumped together.
Belphegor is a miniboss who guards King Kamoshida’s megalomania fort from his strategic perch of a tankless toilet throne. Bucket Brigadier ILikeSocks explins: “The volleyball coach was abusing his team and the school covered it up. We can go into people’s sub-conscious and steal their heart causing a change in their behavior, so we do that to force the gym teacher to confess to his crimes. The school is a castle and the gym teacher is its king, King Kamoshida, because that’s how his distorted subconscious sees it.” Honestly, most high school gym teachers are afflicted with megalomania, and I see that as a keystone of toxic patriarchy. My own high school gym teacher would play a merciless game of “Simon Says” just to avoid supervising team-building games, so I totally get it.
Howdy! Belphegor the Sanitation Doorman greets you in this Persona 2: Innocent Sin shitter lobby. He’s calling himself a Duke of Hell and makes reference to the fact that he’s the landlord of indolence, but those sound like self-appointed titles, something out of a LinkedIn profile from a guy who is definitely #OpenToWork.
Let’s take this opportunity to learn something together about Toilet Taboo. Belphegor sits on a toilet because of ancestral “ew” association surrounding bodily functions. The Abrahamic system that produced the Dictionnaire Infernal indicated excrement was an appropriate offering to Belphegor. All of this is certainly awkward when reality hits that sanitation is the height of enlightenment, and a toilet on wheels is possibly the best invention ever conceived of, second only to the flying car.
This post has been brought to you by Bucket Brigadier Rockin’ T! A little light in an otherwise insane world.
