Impel Sandbar shitter!

Submitted by Bucket Brigadier Emrysin, this shitter is located on the Impel Sandbar, Mohave map in the game Wild Assault, which is sort of like Valorant but for furries. Says Emrysin, “Alec and I made a stop mid-battle to go to the bathroom. A wolf sniper killed me when I was trying to get the picture.” Your sacrifice will be remembered!

Here are two utilitarian Toilet Sentinals guarding the passage to the upper level of this industrial complex. I commend Wild Assault for any shitter at all. In this fast-paced tornado of bullets and explosions, it’s important to think about basic needs like waste elimination and I just actually realize that inclusion of port-a-potties implies that in between matches, a truck comes in here and swaps these out for cleaning and maintenance. Idk about all that, or which playable characters use this the most. The inside of that stall has got to be horrific. Rabbits and incontinent, and giant pandas stand on their heads to pee!!!!

Fort-by-the-Outskirts shitter!

You guys, I DID IT! I lived long enough to document this bandit shitter located at the Fort-by-the-Outskirts which was part of my first mercenary contract. One of my secrets to survival in Stoneshard is giving up on ranged weapons. Much to my chagrin, for I dearly love a longbow. The reason I’m here at this fort is because I was geting paid to rescue a cunty, minted queen named Rickerd, the Grand Magistrate’s emissary who was kidnapped for being pretty. His special ability is Château Layabout, a passive skill allowing him to do fuck all and slurp wine at the Black Boar Inn. Don’t ask me how he got kidnapped, he literally never leaves the place. Unless… he got snatched whilst stopping by the Osbrook shitter?? Terrible to think about. Side note, his cell at this bandit fort did not have a shitter. But the bandits here use this one, it’s the only one I found, but the fort can have different floor orientations from game to game. It looks like these bandits are using straw as a way to keep the thing clean. Good on ya, yall murdering, kidnapping lunatics.

Cruising for a shitter!

Submitted by Bucket Brigadier ILikeSocks, who says, “I think this is a crew area. This ship’s shitter to shower ratio is wack.” Resident Evil: Revelations takes place on a cruise ship that was infected. Why is it called Revelations, I don’t know. Okay? All I know is that if this is on a cruise ship, this shitter looks like it’s in some hidden brig. This shit looks like it’s from Talos I’s Gravitational Utility Tunnel. Any volunteers to sit on that narrow, ice cold, angular-ass rim?

Humiliating Death shitter!

From Bucket Brigadier ILikeSocks: “Capcom does the shitter community right. RE is shitter-aware. Resident Evil and Silent Hill are like the undisputed champions of video game shitters in my eyes.”

Wilson! Creepin around this building that is cosplaying as a jail you’ll find a Final Friend in the form of a prison shitter. This can’t be a real jail, there’s a metal chair and wooden table in there, both things that easily become melee weapons, and the walls are made of paper. Dude, it would be just so embarrassing to die the way the guy in this cell has died. With no face, and with the ID badge out like that, so everyone could see who died like that. Just shlorp me right into the abyss and call it a day.

Zombies with a side of ranch shitter!

If you’re longing to get your ass handed to you over and over, check out Stoneshard by Ink Stains. The game is still being developed so enjoy getting absolutely facerolled by death again and again, and while you’re at it, take a moment to appreciate these quaint shitters that have lids!

Osbrook is the starter town where you’ll find yourself waking up in a daze from your load game after dying to basically anything and everything relatively quickly. This is where I found these epic ranch shitters. The first is on the outer part of town, the second is right in the heart of the only place you probably can’t die in the entire game. I say probably because I haven’t advanced quite far enough to find out if I can in fact die in Osbrook. I’m going to say yeah that likely does become a thing you can do later on in the game. I’m certainly looking forward to finding out!

Other things you can do while playing Stoneshard: Scrapping just enough cash to “sleep in the inn” aka save your game; barely avoiding starvation by making terrible food from whatever you can find on the ground; watching your arrows miss what’s is directly in front of your face; having just enough daylight to explore 1 square of map. If that pace of near-death appeals to you I’d recommend it. It’s maybe the only game I’ve ever played where you just straight up die in the tutorial.

If you see more Stoneshard posts, it means I have survived long enough to find another shitter! Rub your soapy lil hands together in hopes that I am successful.

Chain smoker shitter!

I know I’m late as fuck to the party on Deathloop, but I wasn’t jonesed to pay money for a game I wasn’t sure of. Something about it made me doubt, so I waited til it was like 10 dollars or something on sale. And I loved and was obsessed with Dishonored, so I foolishly believed in the shitter potential. But this just ain’t it. I played it for whatever is less than the time they give you to return something to Steam. It’s not challenging and it’s not good. I think it had some kind of online aspect that would have made it make more sense but I don’t play like that, so here we are.

The gameplay itself isn’t the worst part. Usually, Arkane Studios brings the shitters. But these are genuinely so sad. They lack nuance. They are not the points of interest or veritable political cartoons that we see in other Arkane games. They are like afterthoughts, and excuse me, but that’s an affront to this Bucket Brigade.

Here’s one I found that I found mildly interesting. It has a very realistic fine layer of sooty particulates over every surface. Especially on that lamp. If you’ve ever had an elderly smoker aunt in your general sphere, you will recognize it pretty quickly. The texture is almost palpable. Ugh! This shitter really skeeved into my vivid recollection the one time a year I would have been forced to spend time at a house like that, and what a fucking anti-smoking PSA it was.

Anyway, this is the second and only other shitter I captured in Deathloop. They’re really all basically the same using all the same assets, and that disappointed me to the tune of Request Refund. Maybe you loved Deathloop and if you did I’m happy for you but for me Boring Shitters = Bye Bye. I’m manifesting Arkane Studios bringing back that savage Shitter Consultant they had on the payroll for Prey.

Pride shitter?

Fuck, fuck, fuck. It’s still Pride Month, right? At least for the next 24 hrs? I tell you, there’s not enough representation out there and it is bleak but honey, at least this Deathloop shitter is beaming with Pride. Or at least beaming LGBT Lite. There’s still time. Get your feather boas and the striped thigh-highs and sashay your ass on down to the Deathloop for a last-minute frolic. Because once the clock turns July it’s promptly back to greige!

Happy Pride, everybody! Make it a beautiful place and a just world for all!

Aristocratic Medieval Vampire shitters!

From Bucket Brigadier ILikeSocks - “In this game, there are definitely different shitters for different levels of wealth. These ones look way better then the previous Resident Evil: Village shitters. The people in the village just get outhouses. And the dungeons have like, wooden boxes with a hole and no arm rests or anything! I think this might be the only one in the castle area. Last time I played, I was too busy shitting my pants to look for one. This is in the giant vampire lady’s bath area. Her daughters are hot as fuck. I can fix them…

Giant vampire mommy Lady Alcina Dimitrescu, she’s not literally a magic vampire, and her daughters aren’t witches. They are just mutants like very other RE enemy. Something something mold x parasite mutated them. Resident Evil is best when you don’t think about it too hard. I knew I had issues the first time I played, but I saw this and went ‘yes. I would like the ladies made out of mutant flies please.’ You can get a fly swatter weapon that does no damage, but when Lady Dimitrescu is hunting you, you can sneak up behind her and smack her on the ass with it.”

Fascinating. At first I thought, idk wtf this vampzomb needs a shitter for, but I’m listening. I’m learning. These exquisite heirlooms are chamber pot chairs, they have a few other names like “commode chair” but that sounds mildly like an insult so we shant be using that. They are what was used before we all collectively decided we could afford to waste water on a global scale (for hundreds of years, even). And you can sit on them instead of squatting over a bowl, so it saves your knees.

In this exhibit, we see two examples of toilet furniture. The rightmost chamber pot chair boasts a circular cavity where the pan is missing. Historically, this could mean it was removed for cleaning. Or perhaps the chair was simply decorative, enkindling the sentiments of decay, neglect, abandonment, and a yearning to be reunited with the parts of us that we may have been left behind along the way. Which, in a horror game, usually means “uh-oh”. On the left, a similar design has incorporated an oblong porcelain bowl. The graceful floral pattern evokes late 18th- to early 19th-century J. Maddock & Sons fine sanitation furnishing.

Ok, so what’s the difference? The round kind was generally a standard, one-size-fits-all style in which the chamber pot (here missing) could easily be replaced. Ergonomic, oblong pans were usually designed for women. As you recover from your shock in the sheer representation of it all, consider this. In a world that’s backwards, where people are tossed out like dirty toilet water, there’s a pink tax on everything and thinking of others is taboo, these two toilets are seated as the ambassadors of inclusive representation. Sure, they’re flush with wealth, but they’re the good kind of rich. They’re redistributive capitalists!

This submission is a contender for the 2025 Blue Bowl award.

Honest Work shitter!

From Deltarune Chapter 4. “Asgore is the struggling owner of a flower shop, n so also cleans his neighbor’s bathroom to make ends meet. This is his neighbor’s bathroom. The heart up there is your soul in the vents, peeking at what’s happening around the house.” Such an unexpected activity, and form, for your soul to undertake. Asgore is the modern-day Jesus! But rather than cleaning his neighbors’ feets in a gesture showing their walk in life shall not deter him from welcoming them into his home, he cleans their shitters, which is a gesture to show that wherever that money has been previously shall not deter him from pocketing it for what is quite literally 2 minutes of labor. Keep it up Asgore and love the gloves!

Submitted by bucket brigadier Rockin T!

Friendship Memories shitter!

Don’t hold yourself back from feeling the nostalgia whilst revisiting the haunts of the bygone, carefree era of youth! From bucket brigadier Rockin T, here’s a shitter that you doubtless remember from the past, now updated years later in Deltarune Chapter 4 (now with dialogue!). Says our brigadier: “They talk abt how they both flushed bathbombs down the toilet as kids.” The speaker here is Susie, supposedly an alligator, but looks like a horse from the 80s. Listen, Suse, this world is a shitshow, this life is hard, and you never know when it’s gonna be OVER. So relive those happy memories, whenever and wherever they arise! Let them flow through you and carry you on, like the currents of water through a well-plumbed sanitation system.