Revenging Knockout shitter!

From Star Fetchers: Escape from Pork Belly. Submitted by Bucket Brigadier Rockin’ T! “It’s abt 2 girls who were kidnapped by a gang n forced to become champions of a fighting arena in order to escape. rn she’s on her way to save her friend n she’s PISSED so ig she’s also taking out any random gang member she passes by. n the sink thing is a trippy sequence that takes her over to the next area.” Jesus, talk about getting caught with your pants down! Gotta say, I love her style, the guy was surrendering, hands up and everything, and she doles out the punishment regardless. Taking notes!

Uncertain Ends shitter!

Submitted by our 2020 Bucket Brigadier of the Year, Azi, this shitter is from Clair Obscur: Expedition 33! And he’s asking the questions that true brigadiers will contemplate when encountering a scene such as this: “Idk if that confetti is roses specifically. Maybe carnations. I’m still early in the prologue. Just thought it was funny there’s an outhouse on the ROOF of a building. Where does the poop go? Into an abandoned apartment?”

Thanks for everything, Julian

Julian LeFay (nee Benni Jensen) served as Bethesda’s chief engineer and lead programmer through Arena, Daggerfall, and Battlespire, and later worked as a contractor on Morrowind. Among other achievements which shaped our culture, Julian cofounded OnceLost Games and in 2021 the upcoming project The Wayward Realms was announced.

Last week, Julian LeFay left his body after enduring a lengthy diagnosis of cancer. But let’s remember him as Julianos, the Elder Scrolls god of logic and wisdom, the ruler of Literature, Law, History, and Contradiction, and who created Pelinal Whitestrake’s Shield of the Crusader. This character was based on Julian. The “eye” of the Elder Scrolls constellation The Mage is a planet called Julianos, and Stendarr orbits it as its moon. This is where it is said Julianos himself resides, a plane of existence that cannot be understood by mortals. These anecdotes speak volumes of the respect and admiration that followed Julian, as well as the impact his work carried. Julian LeFay was a cosmic architect of our collective mythos. Thanks, for every beautiful thing you gave us.

Impel Sandbar shitter!

Submitted by Bucket Brigadier Emrysin, this shitter is located on the Impel Sandbar, Mohave map in the game Wild Assault, which is sort of like Valorant but for furries. Says Emrysin, “Alec and I made a stop mid-battle to go to the bathroom. A wolf sniper killed me when I was trying to get the picture.” Your sacrifice will be remembered!

Here are two utilitarian Toilet Sentinals guarding the passage to the upper level of this industrial complex. I commend Wild Assault for any shitter at all. In this fast-paced tornado of bullets and explosions, it’s important to think about basic needs like waste elimination and I just actually realize that inclusion of port-a-potties implies that in between matches, a truck comes in here and swaps these out for cleaning and maintenance. Idk about all that, or which playable characters use this the most. The inside of that stall has got to be horrific. Rabbits and incontinent, and giant pandas stand on their heads to pee!!!!

Fort-by-the-Outskirts shitter!

You guys, I DID IT! I lived long enough to document this bandit shitter located at the Fort-by-the-Outskirts which was part of my first mercenary contract. One of my secrets to survival in Stoneshard is giving up on ranged weapons. Much to my chagrin, for I dearly love a longbow. The reason I’m here at this fort is because I was geting paid to rescue a cunty, minted queen named Rickerd, the Grand Magistrate’s emissary who was kidnapped for being pretty. His special ability is Château Layabout, a passive skill allowing him to do fuck all and slurp wine at the Black Boar Inn. Don’t ask me how he got kidnapped, he literally never leaves the place. Unless… he got snatched whilst stopping by the Osbrook shitter?? Terrible to think about. Side note, his cell at this bandit fort did not have a shitter. But the bandits here use this one, it’s the only one I found, but the fort can have different floor orientations from game to game. It looks like these bandits are using straw as a way to keep the thing clean. Good on ya, yall murdering, kidnapping lunatics.

Cruising for a shitter!

Submitted by Bucket Brigadier ILikeSocks, who says, “I think this is a crew area. This ship’s shitter to shower ratio is wack.” Resident Evil: Revelations takes place on a cruise ship that was infected. Why is it called Revelations, I don’t know. Okay? All I know is that if this is on a cruise ship, this shitter looks like it’s in some hidden brig. This shit looks like it’s from Talos I’s Gravitational Utility Tunnel. Any volunteers to sit on that narrow, ice cold, angular-ass rim?

Humiliating Death shitter!

From Bucket Brigadier ILikeSocks: “Capcom does the shitter community right. RE is shitter-aware. Resident Evil and Silent Hill are like the undisputed champions of video game shitters in my eyes.”

Wilson! Creepin around this building that is cosplaying as a jail you’ll find a Final Friend in the form of a prison shitter. This can’t be a real jail, there’s a metal chair and wooden table in there, both things that easily become melee weapons, and the walls are made of paper. Dude, it would be just so embarrassing to die the way the guy in this cell has died. With no face, and with the ID badge out like that, so everyone could see who died like that. Just shlorp me right into the abyss and call it a day.

Zombies with a side of ranch shitter!

If you’re longing to get your ass handed to you over and over, check out Stoneshard by Ink Stains. The game is still being developed so enjoy getting absolutely facerolled by death again and again, and while you’re at it, take a moment to appreciate these quaint shitters that have lids!

Osbrook is the starter town where you’ll find yourself waking up in a daze from your load game after dying to basically anything and everything relatively quickly. This is where I found these epic ranch shitters. The first is on the outer part of town, the second is right in the heart of the only place you probably can’t die in the entire game. I say probably because I haven’t advanced quite far enough to find out if I can in fact die in Osbrook. I’m going to say yeah that likely does become a thing you can do later on in the game. I’m certainly looking forward to finding out!

Other things you can do while playing Stoneshard: Scrapping just enough cash to “sleep in the inn” aka save your game; barely avoiding starvation by making terrible food from whatever you can find on the ground; watching your arrows miss what’s is directly in front of your face; having just enough daylight to explore 1 square of map. If that pace of near-death appeals to you I’d recommend it. It’s maybe the only game I’ve ever played where you just straight up die in the tutorial.

If you see more Stoneshard posts, it means I have survived long enough to find another shitter! Rub your soapy lil hands together in hopes that I am successful.

Chain smoker shitter!

I know I’m late as fuck to the party on Deathloop, but I wasn’t jonesed to pay money for a game I wasn’t sure of. Something about it made me doubt, so I waited til it was like 10 dollars or something on sale. And I loved and was obsessed with Dishonored, so I foolishly believed in the shitter potential. But this just ain’t it. I played it for whatever is less than the time they give you to return something to Steam. It’s not challenging and it’s not good. I think it had some kind of online aspect that would have made it make more sense but I don’t play like that, so here we are.

The gameplay itself isn’t the worst part. Usually, Arkane Studios brings the shitters. But these are genuinely so sad. They lack nuance. They are not the points of interest or veritable political cartoons that we see in other Arkane games. They are like afterthoughts, and excuse me, but that’s an affront to this Bucket Brigade.

Here’s one I found that I found mildly interesting. It has a very realistic fine layer of sooty particulates over every surface. Especially on that lamp. If you’ve ever had an elderly smoker aunt in your general sphere, you will recognize it pretty quickly. The texture is almost palpable. Ugh! This shitter really skeeved into my vivid recollection the one time a year I would have been forced to spend time at a house like that, and what a fucking anti-smoking PSA it was.

Anyway, this is the second and only other shitter I captured in Deathloop. They’re really all basically the same using all the same assets, and that disappointed me to the tune of Request Refund. Maybe you loved Deathloop and if you did I’m happy for you but for me Boring Shitters = Bye Bye. I’m manifesting Arkane Studios bringing back that savage Shitter Consultant they had on the payroll for Prey.

Pride shitter?

Fuck, fuck, fuck. It’s still Pride Month, right? At least for the next 24 hrs? I tell you, there’s not enough representation out there and it is bleak but honey, at least this Deathloop shitter is beaming with Pride. Or at least beaming LGBT Lite. There’s still time. Get your feather boas and the striped thigh-highs and sashay your ass on down to the Deathloop for a last-minute frolic. Because once the clock turns July it’s promptly back to greige!

Happy Pride, everybody! Make it a beautiful place and a just world for all!