Aristocratic Medieval Vampire shitters!

From Bucket Brigadier ILikeSocks - “In this game, there are definitely different shitters for different levels of wealth. These ones look way better then the previous Resident Evil: Village shitters. The people in the village just get outhouses. And the dungeons have like, wooden boxes with a hole and no arm rests or anything! I think this might be the only one in the castle area. Last time I played, I was too busy shitting my pants to look for one. This is in the giant vampire lady’s bath area. Her daughters are hot as fuck. I can fix them…

Giant vampire mommy Lady Alcina Dimitrescu, she’s not literally a magic vampire, and her daughters aren’t witches. They are just mutants like very other RE enemy. Something something mold x parasite mutated them. Resident Evil is best when you don’t think about it too hard. I knew I had issues the first time I played, but I saw this and went ‘yes. I would like the ladies made out of mutant flies please.’ You can get a fly swatter weapon that does no damage, but when Lady Dimitrescu is hunting you, you can sneak up behind her and smack her on the ass with it.”

Fascinating. At first I thought, idk wtf this vampzomb needs a shitter for, but I’m listening. I’m learning. These exquisite heirlooms are chamber pot chairs, they have a few other names like “commode chair” but that sounds mildly like an insult so we shant be using that. They are what was used before we all collectively decided we could afford to waste water on a global scale (for hundreds of years, even). And you can sit on them instead of squatting over a bowl, so it saves your knees.

In this exhibit, we see two examples of toilet furniture. The rightmost chamber pot chair boasts a circular cavity where the pan is missing. Historically, this could mean it was removed for cleaning. Or perhaps the chair was simply decorative, enkindling the sentiments of decay, neglect, abandonment, and a yearning to be reunited with the parts of us that we may have been left behind along the way. Which, in a horror game, usually means “uh-oh”. On the left, a similar design has incorporated an oblong porcelain bowl. The graceful floral pattern evokes late 18th- to early 19th-century J. Maddock & Sons fine sanitation furnishing.

Ok, so what’s the difference? The round kind was generally a standard, one-size-fits-all style in which the chamber pot (here missing) could easily be replaced. Ergonomic, oblong pans were usually designed for women. As you recover from your shock in the sheer representation of it all, consider this. In a world that’s backwards, where people are tossed out like dirty toilet water, there’s a pink tax on everything and thinking of others is taboo, these two toilets are seated as the ambassadors of inclusive representation. Sure, they’re flush with wealth, but they’re the good kind of rich. They’re redistributive capitalists!

This submission is a contender for the 2025 Blue Bowl award.

Evil HOA shitter!

A shitter of fear from (you guessed it) bucket brigadier ILikeSocks, from Resident Evil: Village, right at the start of the game. “I think the scariest part of this one is the light layer of scuz on the toilet seat.”

This photorealistic shitter boasts two plants doomed to a windowless death, and a product placement that rivals Mac and Me. I see Too Faced liquid foundation, Il Makiage mineral baked blush, very obviously Atoclassic but in a tube somehow, EO French lavender hand soap, freaking Afrin nasal spray, TBH spot treatment, Olay retinol max, what I’m pretty sure is a discontinued Origins leave-in conditioner, fuckin Cymbalta and 500 mg acetaminophen. Oh and MinTees toothpaste of course, whatever the fuck that is.

STARLIGHT potty punch!

Submitted by 2023 Bucket Brigadier of the Year Rockin T, who says “Barry is the protag and he’s aboard a ship rn looking through the cabins. The girl attacking is a zombie. ALSO there’s a medical office key in that toilet!” The shitter is a very unamused passenger aboard a fancy boat called STARLIGHT and of course got pulled into this ridiculous mess. This shitter is from Resident Evil: Gaiden on Game Boy Color!

Billy and Becky Explore a shitter!

I’m not afraid of zombies, but I am afraid of AI-controlled zombie extermination units which is technically what Billy really is in Resident Evil Zero. Full disclosure: I cranked the brightness all the way up on these because the entire game is enshrouded in Ultra Evil Aura gray that obscures what we are all here to see: Shitters. Here we see Billy and Rebecca traversing a filthy restroom with a bank of urinals on one side and stalls on the other. GENEROUS portions of toilet paper have been doled out in this apocalyptic horror mess, which is quite comforting. Loving the windows over the urinals! Scenic mood! This shitter was submitted by bucket brigadier Rockin T, and as far as this brigadier can tell it is the only shitter in RE0. What a precious archaeological discovery! Our brigadier says the following: ‘Rebecca Chambers is a young medic for Special Tactics and Rescue Service (STARS) and Billy Coen is a war criminal (or is he?). They’re currently in a bathroom within a ~spooky~ mansion that is infested with specially-developed bioterrorism leeches.’ Rockin T goes on to explain that a Leech Man jumps out to surprise you in this bathroom. You know what surprises ME? There’s no flusher on this toilet?! HELLO? It’s always nice to see shitters in a game, well done Resident Evil, but is what we are seeing here mere Sanitation Theatre? A shitter is so much more than its bowl!

Resident Shitter under the stairs!

Once again, our Bucket Brigadier of the Year 2023, ILikeSocks has come through with an amazing Shitter of Fear. This one is right out of Little Whinging, it’s the Shitter under the Stairs but zombie edition because it’s from the Resident Evil 4 (2023 remake edition)! Here’s what Socks has to say about this debacle:

“RE4 follows with LEON BIEBER after RE2 where now he’s tasked to save the President’s daughter from evil Europeans. They may be infected or something, thats not important. What is important is that Leon has a bad case of ADHD and keeps looking for shitters instead of some teenybopper thot. His name is really Leon Kennedy, but since the RE2 remake he looks like Bieber. Why’s there a shitter under the stairs? I’m really not sure. It’s a strange design choice for sure, but who can say what those crafty Europeans are thinking. What happens if you are constipated? Do people walking down the stairs hear you fighting for your life?”

Terrific camera work in this video. The well-placed exclamation of “Shit!” And damn if that dude didn’t get shot in the EYE and still attempt a bear hug body slam. Sorry but it needs to be pointed out, this is the EXACT same tiled toilet platform from the Resident Evil: Village shitter! Granted, the flooring is in fact different. Sustainability starts at home with reusing products you already have.

Dungeon Rose shitter!

You know how much I love me a dungeon shitter. Today’s submission is from Bucket Brigadier ILikeSocks who reminds us that in the darkest hour, there’s always a glimmer of hope. In this case, it’s a standard wood-plank crapper with no seat. You’re meant to sit your ass directly on that surface, and imagine the creepy crawlies making a home in there. Says our brigadier: “Resident Evil 8 ended with you dying and saving your daughter. Turns out you were made of mold the entire 7th and 8th game. Shadows of Rose DLC is 16 years after RE8. You go into the mold hivemind/dreamscape to get rid of your powers. Shitter is in the beginning of the DLC. In the dungeons, I think.” This shit reads like a wartime journal entry.

A beautifully-tiled wooden potty stall!

From the Shitters of Fear anthology, our Bucket Brigadier ILikeSocks shares this gorgeous outhouse from Resident Evil: Village. Bravely reporting live from a super frightening place, and getting us all in the mood for Halloween, Socks says “I had to crop the RE8 ones like crazy to get them to send.” We all make concessions, why I myself had to ruin the mood on the second image rollover by turning the brightness all the way tf up because couldn’t see a god damn thing. Turns out light levels play a major role in scary-ness, because this potty is actually quite nice. I mean, it’s brick, and brick is ick, if we’re being honest, but overall, it’s a solid shitter. Such architecture could probably withstand a hurricane, so definitely a place I would hide from zombies and ghosts. Watch out, or the Babadookie will get you!

Resident Evil’s Mobile Home shitter!

This one is part of the “Shitters of Fear” Anthology. From bucket brigadier ILikeSocks! I asked him if this doll was significant somehow to the plot? He says:

“Oh lol. It’s just a mannequin. You got captured by the cannibal mold people. It’s right after you escape the main house and reach the trailer to save before you move to the next area. There’s all this creepy shit throughout the house. Mannequins with barbed wire and babies wrapped in it hanging from the bridge.”

It’s this forced-fear shit that really makes you stop and think, Who is setting up this scene? Guys, we need more barbed wire and babies in here, or we’re not convincing anybody!