Another submission from bucket brigadier ILikeSocks! This scene comes to use from Boderlands 4. What would ordinarily sound like both the vacation destination of a lifetime and the afterlife, the Coastal Bonescape is really just a place where shitters sprawl like obese land iguanas, guzzling booze and family-size buckets of peanut butter pretzels. And good for them. None could be more deserving.
Submitted by bucket brigadier ILikeSocks with the words “take this”, this Borderlands 4 shitter is sourced from a place called the Fades District, where mankind’s interference fades but nature’s power only grows, by orders of magnitude! Nearly completely reclaimed by the wild, this shitter might, if it could speak, warble the intonations of the Northern Dusk cicada. This powerful imagery is further punctuated by the presence of a sniper rifle festooned in a vintage 1996 track suit. People are always trying to rewrite history to sell off whatever warehouse stock of these neoprene abominations remain, but don’t be fooled. These were never cool. They were all only ever worn as coveralls by PE teachers, all of whom were failing to out-vogue Jayne Trcka.
Submitted by a bucket brigadier known only as Tuna, this Borderlands 4 shitter can be found in an abandoned mine. The toilet has been spoiled by something called Vis which is some kind of energy? Or perhaps a punky, cute nickname for viscera, here shown in the form of an artful spray that really gets your imagination going. Is whatever killed that former mammal still lurking nearby? Perhaps inside the toilet itself, or maybe pressed up against the stall’s anterior corner, waiting for you to get closer? And doesn’t this shitter have deep Eery Floom energy??
Shitterception! This Borderlands 4 shitter is an NPC holding a quest item you need to retrieve for the robot Claptrap. In this scene, the shitter functions as a lawman, performing a citizen’s arrest on this Psycho. But the shitter took the justice a little too far, and the guy died from dehydration. From bucket brigadier Swolito: “Claptrap (he’s like the WALL-E of Borderlands) said this corpse has been there for a couple of months; that’s why he’s so stinky.” The toilet itself is also described as “stinky”, but it’s been locked for a while, preventing any cleaning crew from accessing it. For the quest, Claptrap wants the mask this guy was wearing before this screenshot was taken. It’s unclear how he knows the Psycho is wearing one, but we are told he’s wearing it because the toilet smells bad. We are left to ponder, who stank first?
Forever generously lavishing shitters upon our field of vision,, Bucket Brigadier ILikeSocks submitted this Borderlands 4 shitter at Riptide Grotto, with a picturesque view reminiscent of South Africa’s esiKhaleni archway. This setup is high-key summoning the spirit of Appalachia’s Trapper’s Camp shitter but with a rude twist because the seat has been left up on a platform that could never allow a person to stand in front of it. It escapes my reasoning why this was done. I believe these bottles may be intended to convey water to flush it. Though we’d all love to see a bucket, this is a DIY life, baby. However diminutive this platform may be, I do enjoy the TP holder, visible in the rollover/hover image.
Submitted by bucket brigadier ILikeSocks! There is so much shit going on in this picture, it doesn’t even need a rollover. Our brigadier says this about his experience:
“This is from the Borderlands 3 DLC, Love Guns & Tentacles. It’s about a gay Lovecraft wedding. This one is in the safe area. They all say “keep clear” and “blast zone”, etc. When you interact with the flusher, this tentacle pops up and throws ammo and stuff at you.
There’s some grubby toilet paper the color of pine ash. When asked if the shitter has a sink, ILikeSocks stated, “Yes; it’s a haunted mirror, with a spooky face.” This is more of an ornament or museum piece, than a shitter one would actually use. The ‘tentacle’ is great. And by great I mean really gross, sorry. If we’re being real, we can admit what we are looking at here, and I’m going to say no thanks.
When bucket brigadier Solo Espresso told me he was playing Borderlands 3, the first question I asked was, of course, ‘Does it have shitters.’ This was his response. His commentary on these outhouses:
“It’s a place outside the starting zone. After the intro stuff, you get this. Kind of a mini-junkyard, but it isn’t. Second picture is same place as previous one, just a second one.
That silver beam of light looking like excalibur in the toilet is an ammo clip. The surrounding scrapheap makes for quite the dismal dump, but my say something nice is the colorful bunting is cheerful at best. Better than nothing, but still, it would bum me out to have to use this.
I guess to sidestep the inevitable inquiry of who maintains these shitters, the designers popped what looks like a vacuum cleaner onto the side of them so you get the impression they are some kind of automated composting toilet. That effort is admirable, but I still have questions. As far as I can tell, there’s no lore in the game that states what happens to the compost after it is processed. Does it just go into the ground? In what way does this impact the land? Is there a monster somewhere deep beneath the planet’s crust who is angered by the intrusion of the compost? I get the feeling the designers don’t want you to think too much about it. It’s just a crapper, so move on, gamer. Well, I think about these things!
Submitted by Bucket Brigadier Solo Espresso!
There’s some hidden secrets in the Jakobs Estate, including a golden bust of Lenin, and a secret door behind a bookcase! But you know what else is in this zone? A shitter.
I have questions. Is the Eden-6 neighborhood a Homeowner’s Association? This shitter looks remarkably similar to the one at Blackbarrel Cellars, though there are certain nuanced differences. Why did both these locations require bathside gramophones? Why do both of them have crappy curtain installations - What is that filthy painter’s dropcloth-looking thing hanging from above the toilet? And neither have doors. So, why doesn’t Jakobs Estate deserve a nod in the Blue Bowl potentials? Simply put, this location seems to have a better grasp of fire safety, and that bores me.
Submitted by Bucket Brigadier Solo Espresso!
This shitter is fantastic. What am I looking at here? Someone in the tub with a TV head? Is the person dead? Is that someone relevant to the story in any way? Is that a gramophone, or something like it? Detective Espresso has the answers!
“Yeah, apparently. I have no clue, it’s no one important. Just a random idiot mob. And that is a gramophone, I think it’s what it’s called, in the game. It’s such a pretty bathroom, and I love everything in it.”
It is pretty great. But you know what, Borderlands 3, you are really showing your ass here. The curtains are clipping into the walls. The pipes are wrapping around some of the curtains - how doth one closeth thine drapery? And my favorite thing used to be rugs with unfixable wrinkles. My new favorite thing is wrinkled carpet with candles that have been left burning on top of them. This crapper is a tinderbox. Yikes.
This shitter is a contender for the esteemed Blue Bowl of 2019.
Submitted by Bucket Brigadier Solo Espresso, who writes:
“Look it’s a double toilet! Just right there. Inside a shipping container two of them. #ToiletsWithThreateningAuras”
It’s not just remarkable that this unassuming shipping container sports two shitcans, which appear to have, somehow, a working flush function. It’s also wired for electricity!