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Posted on May 26, 2024

Slurry Lagoon shitter!

This is a no entry point! Bedraggled and probably full of spiders is this shitter submitted by ILikeSocks! “I’m infiltrating a terrorist militia in Colorado. It’s part of Hitman: World of Assassination which is the rebooted trilogy’s name, mission # idr. The “new” one. There’s the old Hitman games, then they came out with…Absolution? Something like that, but it was more actiony. Then they rebooted with these games, so it’s Hitman 1, but it’s really like Hitman 5.” Pretty obvious this series was rebooted just to upgrade the shitter optics.

hitman
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bucket brigade

Posted on May 26, 2024

Emancipate these shitters!

Free them! Why are these shitters corralled at the rear of this event like they’re waiting for the bus to Correctional Vocation Training? Cruelly excluded from the lively celebration taking place nearby, overcrowded, and provided no sun shelter?? It’s gotta be 112 degrees in those shitters. Luckily, our brigadier ILikeSocks was there taking hidden video and still shots for the upcoming expose on Inside Edition, A Current Affair, Hard Copy, and Rock Bottom and drag the dismal treatment of our dear shitters into the light.

hitman
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bucket brigade

Posted on May 26, 2024

“Don’t worry, I got revenge.”

Ordinarily I would not condone the use of shitters as weapons, but there were extenuating circumstances. Of course, the clothes you change into are covered in stinky porta-potty water, so idk how great of a disguise it is.

hitman
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bucket brigade

Posted on May 26, 2024

ICUP shitter!

Submitted by Bucket Brigadier ILikeSocks! Impressive multi-reflection graphics in this Hitman shitter that shows Agent 47, Agent 47’s mirror image, the mirror images of the dudes right outside the window, and the dudes outside the window themselves. Imagine the dudes outside getting screamed at by a drill sergeant and they look up and see you staring at them from the throne. “The shitter could use more polygons or something, idk. Also it looks like they have one shitter asset per level, and then they change the room its in. So like. It’s always vanilla cake, but the frosting is pretty dope.”

hitman
shitter
bucket brigade

Posted on May 26, 2024

Black Heart, Yellow Silk shitter!

What in The King And I hell is this? From Bucket Brigadier ILikeSocks from Hitman #6 (also called just HITMAN because Agent 47 needs you to use small words). “Gotta break into some rich spa health resort in Hokkaido, first thing I did was find my room’s shitter.” Something quite funny about this baldy stalking around with all the grace of a chest freezer in this delicate yellow silk robe. Hey, the pattern kind of matches your beauty mark on the back of your shiny bald dome. By the way, nobody could exactly stop you from just fucking off and living here forever. You’d just have to kill anyone who tried to evict you.

hitman
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bucket brigade

Posted on January 23, 2024

Shimmy shitter!

From bucket brigadier ILikeSocks comes a secret shitter out of Hitman: World of Assassination! Fucking ‘Vocab’ magazine on the bathroom floor just exemplifies how people treat the once-precious art of grammar nowadays.

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bucket brigade
hitman

Posted on August 17, 2022

Hippie Hideaway shitter!

Torres Piombo is listed as a “minor character” in the cast of Hitman, but if we’re getting honest, he’s probably the biggest character because he provides so much ocular spice. In the classy Mediterranean town of Sapienza, Torres Piombo is simultaneously just one man, and somehow also a buffet of eclectic colors, style, and aromas. The ankle bracelet-clad Bohemian alpha male exudes rainbow-hued bachelor aura waves from his penthouse apartment above the (checks notes) Town Hall? Lose yourself in the peaceful swirling and twirling to the music emanating from his Zen den. Marvel at his collection of cans, bottles, and Buddhist figurines, while partaking of his whacky weed. Sink your toes into the luxury of the garnet shag bathroom rug set. Get fired up to punch a Nazi after experiencing the unbridled testosterone of his Fascism-killing acoustic musical implement!

In this screenshot, submitted by bucket brigadier Swolito, we see beatnik lamb Torres needlessly slaughtered. At least his dearest companion in this life was at his side during his final moments! Alas, a shitter cannot give testimony in RICO trials.

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bucket brigade

Posted on October 21, 2020

White House shitter!

Amazing! From bucket brigadier Casper, straight from Hitman: Blood Money. I’ll let our brigadier take it from here: “What you don’t see is the Secret Service outside the bathroom, VERY upset with my trespassing. This is actually the most difficulty I’ve had looking for a toilet!” THIS is the presidential shitter? This is a butler’s broom closet! Is there even a shower? “That was it unfortunately. It’s insulting, isn’t it? Haha.” What the fuck, brigade? Look at this shit. A tiny red carpet with gold trim. The back of the toilet is even gold. Honestly perfect, don’t change a thing. And a little piano bench or something? Is that what an Executive Manservant sits on while they wait for Freedom to poop? Are we going to let these developers get away with it, or are we going to write to our State Representatives and demand better representation of government shitters?

You don’t have to answer that. Back to Casper, who gains a significant edge in the race for 2020’s Brigadier of the Year with his contribution during election season! And he further promises, “If all goes well, you may have your choice of White House toilets.” What can it mean?? I’m so excited! Tune in to blast the lid off this mystery!

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