Cwenburh, Odorous Beast

The Stoneware Sibyl confers a relic of Past, Present, and Future!

Shimmy through this sludgy kitchen crevice - the sole access point to a sanctified bunker - where camps a font of stoic wisdom! Consult with Cwenburh your most profound uncertainties of fate. And wrench an heirloom from ‘neath the trapway - ‘Tis the very gift of time!

What’s this junk that was clogging the drain? Bucket Brigadier ILikeSocks says: “A clock hand used for a puzzle.” K, but why did Cwenburh have it?

This shitter is a contender for the 2024 Blue Bowl awards.

Welcome to Silent Hill’s urinal bank!

Not exactly a shitter, but I am not complaining. This is one of the most forward-thinking, steely-gazed, no nonsense opener to a game I’ve seen in some time. Cut right to the chase, where are the shitters? This is the image that greets you as you embark on Shitter Safari into Silent Hill 2 (2024 reboot). Bucket Brigadier ILikeSocks explains: “It looks gorgeous. Never made it far in the original but I feel like everything I’ve seen so far is pretty faithful. But that’s the main menu. Pissers galore. That’s the bathroom where you start off in. It’s the wall opposite the shitters where my character’s back is facing.”

Fuck yeah! This is how we live now! Get with the winning team, lessers, we want to know immediately what the shitter situation is going to be otherwise you are wasting our time and Konami gets it!

Silent Hill Starter Zone shitter!

From the reigning king of TERROR, bucket brigadier ILikeSocks, this brand fucking new Silent Hill shitter from where you first open the game. One bowl has been forever altered by evil, much like Frodo Baggins, the other remains robust and steadfast much like Samwise Gamgee in this mess. Hover over the image if you want to see what the fuck I’m talking about, because this shit is DARK.

“James Sunderland receives a letter from his wife telling him to meet her in Silent Hill which he finds very confusing considering she’s fucking dead. He goes to meet her there cause apparently he has nothing else going for him and hasn’t moved on after years of being single. He arrives in the town that’s now capable of projecting people’s fears and traumas. The first game, everyone was trapped in someone’s nightmare, but now the town is like.. more shitty, so it can happen to other people as well. So he has to deal with the monsters and shit as he navigates the fog and otherworld and comes to terms with his shit. Revealing his dark traumatic backstory. You start in the restroom with these screenshot-shy shitters behind you, washing your face, I’m pretty sure he was puking his guts up. I immediately turned around to nab the shot.”

He told me to bring the Others to the shitter!

Shittacularly Scary season has descended and this month we are fully submerged in the murky waters of FEAR! Descend into madness with bucket brigadier ILikeSocks as he explores this Deadspace shitter with graffiti in blood, no less, and just casually loots lockers while documenting the gore. Really, really messy barracks and idk whose SEVERED LEG that is because none of these other corpses are missing limbs. And just look at that guy’s neck! Anyway, the shitters are remarkably untouched by havoc which is a relief of course. It is the obvious aura of sacred sanitation that protected them from these circumstances, which are otherwise PRETTY BAD!

Join us throughout October as we delight in the nightmares - in shitter form!

The Classism is Built Right In to the shitters!

Vault-Tec has been guilty (documented) of many crimes, some of which include eugenics, child abuse, elder abuse, systemic racism, corporate proxy warfare, treason, chemical warfare, psychological torture, and various globally-banned experimental sciences like hybrid biology of plants and animals alike, but ain’t it just like Vault-Tec to have something else fucked up they did that we learn about 200 years later?

Ever get to Park Street Station? Take a look at this shit. The upper section is a subway, as you might expect, and here’s that shitter there. Take note: No privacy, busted, broken, there’s a CORPSE. There’s a provisional BUCKET. And then - downstairs? In the back rooms? - Vault 114 has all the amenities you’d expect from civil sanitation including privacy curtains and shiny stainless steel appliances. Hell they give you the Abraxo right on the seat like it’s already clean but if you did want it a little cleaner here’s some Abraxo. Vault 114 has traits of Stage 3 Hoarding with an abundance of shitters in storage, just waiting for their moment, even if I did get ghoul blood on that one. What was their plan? Everyone else can shit on the ground and Vault-Tec gets to keep the nicest shitters left in existence? Guess we can tack institutional classism onto the wiki pages of all their egregious transgressions. Fuck Vault-Tec!

Self-Identifying shitter!

On New Homestead there’s a Chunks “restaurant” (legally we cannot call it that without the quotation marks) with a shitter that appears to be open for use of employee and patron alike! The thing that makes this shitter so exceptional? It’s pronoun pin correctly identifies this location as SHITTER, thank you very much. That’s exactly what it is! This location is for asses, and the things asses produce! The only thing here that’s a little weird is the unsurpassable distance between the seat and the TP. Ignoring the obvious question as to why we are still using TP in this futuristic setting. How do you reach that?

Collapse of Everything We Hold Dear shitter!

This location on Sumati (in the Narion system) is procedurally-generated. Nevertheless, the bleak scene of utter calamity hits like a punch to the gut. Out here in the cold, dark reaches of the universe this brave soldier was deployed to serve, to uplift humanity perched on the very rim of untold discovery. Never complaining, only eager to contribute, he sacrificed all for the cause of exploration, innovation, and maybe a little adventure. We can only imagine that he became a close confidant of this scientist, who died alongside him when this observation tower collapsed and submerged them both in cosmic dust.