Bunker Hill shitters!

In 1775 the American Revolutionary War was already at a rolling boil. On June 17 of that year, a clash to occupy strategic geographic points took place resulting in significant casualties, later to be called the Battle of Bunker Hill.

500 ish years later in post-apocalyptic Boston, a monument to that historic melee remains standing at Bunker Hill, in the form of these two shitters - though which represents the British and which is Colonial forces has been lost to time. I think the one on the right is the British one, because it still has a tank which could have once supported a powdered wig.

Here in 2287, the slapshod shanty town surrounding the Bunker Hill memorial is considered a bustling entrepôt for traders of all persuasions, and yet, this is the only shitter they have. I don’t mean to deride the shitters - let’s be clear that what we are looking at is a physical manifestation of Mayor Kessler’s incompetence and you cannot gain control of this place quickly enough to make up for it. Methinks this is the most ill-conceived place to shit on the entire planet. Forget the fact that the full moon of your buttcheeks are exposed at that window, how about the back of your neck and skull? If we have to say something nice, this spot affords an innovative networking opportunity.

Private Public shitter!

This is the most privacy you’re gonna be able to get in The Combat Zone - which is a place where raiders prize fight each other. One such prize fighter who you meet here is a gal named Cait, and you actually get to take her with you if you do this quest correctly. But for the moment, Cait lives here, and the Raider’s version of a lady’s powder room. A little floral rug, and a weapons workbench. That shitter looks exhausted so it goes without saying that this is the only one in the entire sports arena. Oh and Privacy, please! Thank you! THERE’S NO DOOR!!

As written by Alexandre Dumas

The Cake of Infinite Death glitch is an extremely tragic glitch in Super Mario Galaxy that can be seen by reaching a Mission 3 Launch Star in Mission 1 of Toy Time Galaxy. Luigi will be launched towards a cake, but miss, and be trapped in a death loop until his lives run out.

We’re Definitely Brewing Poison shitter!

This is the ladies’ room right outside of Professor Fig’s classroom where a shitter has been employed as an adjunct Potions professor. You know Hogwarts made that shitter audit all its classes because “shitters can’t get Ph.Ds” and then paid it the entry-level salary of a TA or some crap, because it is clearly brewing something sketchy as an act of sedition. No no, Headmaster, this potion can certainly be consumed, it’s just that it can only be consumed once.

The Four Mystical shitters of Hogwarts!

By the Tomes! Behold, the four mighty Houses of Magic that form the foundation of the Wizarding World! Clockwise from the top left, they are as follows:

Gryffindor! Only the purely brave and daring could find this shitter that has three entrances, and how many bathtubs with zero privacy? This is crap, sorry, this is like the same conditions the kids in Annie were dealing with. Just because it’s carven wood and bronze dolphin-shaped doorknobs doesn’t make it lux.

Next the sinister shitter of Salazar Slytherin! There’s a special faucet in here that has been vandalized and we all know what that’s for. Idk, it just looks like Pointy S to me. What is going on with that situation in the stall? This isn’t any place to read quietly or study or learn, it’s in a dungeon, but the flowers do make it kinda nicer. Another shitter in this same spot is a Puddlemere United superfan with posters plastered all over it.

Third we see the best shitter ever from the best house of all, Ravenclaw of course. Shiny! The bathtubs are the best in the entire map, no contest. They have private alcoves with sparkly curtains and places to keep towels right next to the tubs, really making Gryffindor look like a subclass of Barbarian by comparison. In a move that ought to scandalize a small subset of the population, I was able to gain entry into both the men’s and the ladies’ rooms. They each have shitter stalls with a special glyph etched onto the frames. I am pretty sure it’s a way to send secret messages between the rooms. “D-O Y-O-U H-A-V-E T-P”, for instance.

The last one is just what you’d expect. No shitter for Hufflepuff. If that’s your house, I’m sorry, you got screwed once again.

Not for the Lessers shitter!

What in the upper crust, old money, trust fund tyrant hell? Yeah, it’s lovely in this place, but it’s rank-locked to Prefects. First-years may not shit here. It has two toilets, here’s one of them. Exclusive, yet, I don’t like how far away from the bathtub they keep the towels. Imagine slipping and breaking your face on that marble pillar just trying to get dry? Speaking of which, this decor strongly implies this was once a branch of JP Morgan Chase. Not sure what the function of the pearl in the alcove is, or why it gets a special chair. The murlocs in the far end giving bedroom eyes spout water when you turn a knob. The bathtub is gorgeous, but also bombastically huge. How many people are meant to be in this at any given time? I think each faucet is supposed to be a different kind of soap, but couldn’t you just verbally tell one faucet in a normal-sized tub what kind of soap you wanted? Saponifica Strawberry-Kiwiosa!

Vault 81 Socioeconomically Neutral Bucket!

At Vault 81, worlds collide. Troupes of vagabond traders pass by here each day, hoping the bottle caps they earn weigh less than the goods they trekked here to sell. Agronomists attempt to boost food yields in soil that is mostly ash. Even little kitty cats come and go, heeding only the call of the wild. But regardless if you’re a rag-clad weather-hardened peddler with a 2-headed pack beast or if you’re a plump, vault-snug dandy, you both use the same rust-proof tapered steel bucket to make your shitter go flush. That’s the egalitarianism built right into the dystopia!

Goodneighbor shitters!

In the real world, the first cat in space was Félicette, hurled into the void by France in 1963. But in the Fallout universe the first cat in space was Mr. Pebbles and this kyoot shrine to him is located in Goodneighbor in a warehouse that a Cockney robot bartender paid me to fumigate of all life. In addition to that, the warehouse features a human litter pail tucked in a semi-secluded shitter alcove devoid of any comfort whatsoever. Triggerman Chic!

But you don’t have to live like this. You have options! Before heading back out into the wasteland, stop at this community shitter right in the public square. I think they’re going for a ‘Dealzzz changing room’ aesthetic.