Trauma Center shitter!

Here on the science station, we call this a medical facility. Trevor J. Young was attacked by a terrible creature, and then the administration (of which I am party to, and ashamed by that fact) threw him in this shithole here because they didn’t know how to handle it. Actually quite appalling and another reason why Talos I is a human rights disaster area. Don’t worry about Trevor J. Young. He’s gonna be okay. I managed to save him after reloading my game like 3 times to make sure he didn’t end up dying in this awful place. He somehow managed to scrawl this office door password into the wall which is certainly convenient, thank you Trevor, but also, how the fuck did he do it. Like what did he use to pierce the walls like that. Anyway, the shitter is steadfast in nature, upright and maintaining its dignity, always there for you like a prison shitter should be. Yes, this is a prison, in spite of any spaceship clown doctor trying to tell you otherwise.

Neuromod Division shitter!

As I creeped around the Neuromod Division I came across a baracaded men’s room. By golly, I was determined to get inside and get a picture of that interior. But when I gained access to the restroom, I saw this peculiar scene. A murder! Whodunit? I’m going to get to the bottom of this. And it better not turn out to be that really hostile alien monster that we’ve been experimenting on for the last 8 months and which has currently taken over the entire space station.

The shitters were unharmed in this scene of wanton terror.

Neuro Mod Division shitter!

Venture into the Neuro Mod Division’s waterlogged and partially-electrified gender-neutral bathroom to see a spooky shitter! Proceed into the inky blackness with extreme caution, using your flashlight to identify the corpses of various crew members. If you are brave enough to make it to the shitter, there’s an unusual prize waiting for you: A pile of eel scraps! Neat!

Psychotronics shitter!

I know there’s a half-dead alien blob pinned in the bowl by a wrench somebody threw before fleeing in terror. But the other shitter here still works, so have at it.

Take note as well that this bathroom is absolutely fucked. For Morgan Yu, the main character, this crisis began only hours ago. But how long has this really been going on for? Almost all the floor tiles have been ripped off, and the electrical wiring has shitted out. Once you’ve completed the game, this kind of thing is an interesting detail on the subconscious of the story.

Deep Storage shitter!

Here’s another water closet - like an actual closet - in the science vessel Talos I. If you look past all the carnage and the things that are obviously wrong here, you can focus on the gorgeous stainless steel throne with its industrial piping! Wow!

Ok, now let’s be honest - What even is this shit? Is there a door? There isn’t. Great. A corpse has been dragged in here, or maybe something has schlorped away from the corpse, leaving a trail. There’s just cardboard storage boxes, and exposed insulation, and exposed circuit boards, and biohazard fluid in pouches, on the fucking floor. A “NO SMOKING” sign! That’s exactly the kind of thing you need on a Space Station. There is no way a human wrote this portion of the sim. Only an alien, or a robot, would think any of this is normal. But the toilet itself is stellar!

Life Support shitter!

In the gender-neutral shitter of the Life Support division of Talos I, you’ll find this fuckery. Since nobody is left alive to tell the tale, we have to piece the story together from what remains. We know from a nearby Transcribe that a Typhon took over Kirk Remmer’s body and killed everyone. Based on this, my guess is in their haste incapacitate Remmer, someone sprayed Gloo all over the place, and in their panic accidentally popped Alton Weber (the corpse on the floor) right in the face.

But look past the carnage that resulted from unprepared professionals, and check out this cool Creamsicle aesthetic. Explore this bathroom to find a hidden compartment containing a useful keycard!

Is fulfilling some nerd’s dream of playing God on a Science Vessel orbitting the moon getting you down? Piss your afternoon away in Cargo Bay Compartment 2825 with some booze, cigars, and a game of chess, because who the fuck wants to be an astronaut, anyway.

Psychotronics Holding Cell shitters!

While playing Prey, there have been moments where I realized that the fuckers working on Talos I got exactly what they deserved. Finding these rooms was one of those moments. Check out the shitty, dehumanizing conditions prepared for mental health ailments. The “bed” is a plywood platform with a paper-thin mattress. Or maybe it’s a sofa, and they expect the person to sleep on the cot?

It has a radiator. Can we just talk about that for a second? What twisted, illiterate contractor decided this was the go-to technology for the year 2031 on a fucking Space Station? Why do they even need heating units like this? Doesn’t Talos I use thermal padding and the Magnetosphere like any other structure of its kind?

You’ll notice as well that there’s aluminum trays, and metal cutlery. In a psychiatric ward! Maybe their excuse starts out as, “Well, we didn’t anticipate we would have psych patients needing special cutlery in Outer Space.” But you had the forethought to build multiple padded cells, so what the fuck? You have fabricators that could just poof the proper items out of polymer resin! Explain your bullshit! These aren’t even the only rooms like this on the Station. Have some floor food, you breathing liability, and a journal so you can take notes on this bullshit to present to the UN later.

For future reference, being locked in a psych ward does NOT protect you from aliens. When I got to the second room, there was a mimic in there. I think it was pretending to be toilet paper. Additionally, if you had any doubts left that this place is pure simulacrum, take a look at the poster on the wall. The dude on the poster, Aaron Ingram, is the same guy you free from the experiment chamber.

It’s all very sad and you can see from these photos that the residents of these cells have been here for quite some time (note the walls covered in hatch marks). At least they get a shitter, even they just have the toilet paper thrown in there on the floor like they’re animals or something.

This Cargo Bay Container Hidey-Hole belongs to Quentin Purvis, deceased. While not a true shitter, I thought it prudent to include this rather ridiculous display in the collection due to Mr. Purvis’ forethought of including toilet paper in his secret hiding place.

The full story here is Quentin Purvis got wind of something terrible happening, or going to happen, to Talos I. So naturally, he hoarded packaged food from the Dining Hall, and some markers to huff, and shut himself up in a shipping container. I’m guessing he thought this container would be safe from the aliens. Maybe he thought it was going to get loaded onto an outbound ship and he would be headed safely to Earth soon enough. Unfortunately for him, he never packed any O2 tanks and died of asphyxiation while the station was locked down in quarantine. But packing toilet paper was a great idea.

G.U.T.S. Closet shitter!

The most eerie thing about Prey is continually finding shit like this which makes you pause and say to yourself, “Now this doesn’t look like a Space Station.” This shitter in the G.U.T.S. (Gravitational Utility Tunnel System) of Talos I is little more than a closet, with an obvious water leak, stuff laying around on open metal shelving and a pouch of biohazard fluid in the sink. What the fuck, scientists? Why isn’t everything nailed to the damn floor? What happens if a catastrophic event occurs - much like the one we find ourselves in while playing Prey - and we enter Zero G? You’re telling me that pouch is going to be flying around the room and bean me in the face like a paint ball pellet? Who is in charge here?

Oh, right. It’s Alex Yu. The guy who spends more time on the phone than in the lab. The guy whose kitchen is so crammed full of snacks that he has crates of it stacked ON his exercise equipment and whose body mass exceeds the limit allowed by NASA.

Anyway this is a sad little cubby that someone plunked a toilet into and called it good. It’s very convincing. Now, please wake me up from this nightmare and show me where the real Outer Space bathrooms are? Documenting your shitters is the only reason I am here.

As you explore Talos I you are led to believe that Alex Yu is the most privileged entity on the Station. But you were utterly deceived. Because clearly Abigail Foy, GM of the tabletop roleplaying game Fatal Fortress, had the sweetest hookup of all when she was permitted to transform her apartment into a gaming paradise. When she’s just not feeling like uncovering the mysteries of the universe using Science, she just flops on the floor with her friends with some snacks or plays pinball with the actual pinball machine in her entryway. The last picture is the message you get when you hack into her computer. Whether this results in a buff or a virus in your suit interface depends on how much of her Fatal Fortress game you completed.

Mechanic Facilities/Locker Room shitter!

In the “facilities” area of the Mechanics Division you’ll find this area labeled “Locker Room.” But it wears many hats, and functions as a shitter, and compact office for the scholar searching for reasons why the people on Talos I deserve to live. It’s even a secret loot chamber. After you successfully launch Emmanuella and Frank’s escape pod, you learn that Emmanuella left a little goodie bag hidden in that room. Just take it, barely anybody else is even alive to appreciate it.

Welcome, welcome! To the thrilling, winding, epic adventure saga of Fatal Fortress!, an adorable tabletop game that you can find in Prey. The GM, Abigail Foy, leaves treasure maps for each of her friends, who correspond to these character sheets. Featuring such heroes as Hordinbaffle Flagdasterous, with his Staff of Flowers. He seems to take a lot of damage, and have a lot of useless things in his inventory. I think that truly, we can all learn something about ourselves through the mirror of these metaphors. The Bard looks to be doing well-off. That’s what I like to see.

Talos I Lobby shitters!

The lobby area of Talos I is so swanky, from the bombastic tiling, to the brass trimmings, you may pause to ask yourself, “Am I on a Space Station, or in an overpriced hotel?” Just look at how much Space Station real estate they wasted on a separate male and female restroom. The second photo is the Men’s Room. It’s in pretty good shape, and you could probably even reuse it, if you cleared out the dead guy. What’s in the Women’s Room (seen sealed-off in the first photo)? A devil creature from Hell, and a couple of magazines. Why did Talos I even bother with this fussy, separate male and female restrooms? At this stage, it’s unclear.

Morgan Yu’s Apartment shitter!

This shitter is located in your apartment when you start a new game in Prey. Looks pretty great, right? Real cozy? Well, guess again! This shitter is fake! It’s a simulation! I know I just rocked your world and exposed the plot and revealed what you actually learn directly following the tutorial, but I thought it was essential that you know now, so you don’t get your hopes up. That shitter ain’t real, kid. It’s a lie. There are a couple of real-deal shitters in Prey that are kind of wild, and we’ll get to those. But for now this Simulated Apartment Shitter is documented here, for perspective, and posterity.