Posted on November 9, 2021
Flawless Steel Stall!
Pristine. Gorgeous. Unblemished by viscera. These are the terms which percolate into my mind’s eye as I gaze up on this veritable buddha of a shitter, present in the horror survival game Alien: Isolation! I’m just imagining the telltale clacking of Xenomorph claws and tail whippin’ around in this cubicle as you scramble to wriggle out of Death’s way. This is definitely a pre-death cubicle. Good thing the surface is so easy to wipe clean. So, no door? Or that door is held open by the helpful “slippery surface” board (as in, Caution: Slipping hazard is the worst of your worries in this area, trust me!). This image has been gifted unto our eyeballs by the prolific Bucket Brigadier ILikeSocks, who adds the following:
“I had to crop the image like crazy. This is right at the start on the space truck while you’re walking around in your underwear (they’re stylish). You’re Ripley’s daughter Amanda, who’s going to a station that has the Nostromo flight recorder. There’s a xenomorph onboard the station and everything’s already fallen apart when you get there. It’s pretty good so far. It actually has pacing and atmosphere, unlike 90% of other horror games. I haven’t found ol’ penis-head yet, but it’s gotten me to jump a few times.”
Well, at least you have this, which looks to be the perfect place to shit yourself as you fruitlessly beg your indifferent Overgod to see fit to spare your wittle life. Do you think the Xenomorph is religious enough to be truly thankful as it makes you its meal?