Biblically-accurate shitter!

What happens if a shitter sees its own shadow? Such things never occur outside the realms of HELL! Here’s “Belphegor”, Ambassador of Filth (Type: Irritable!). Belphegor inexplicably drops silk yarn, but he has other traits as well. He’s the Governor of Sloth - happy for him - yet he “excels at invention and discovery” which generally contradicts what he governs completely? According to Persona, this imagery derives from “Ba’aal Pe’or, Syrian god of abundant crops”. Again, not sloth, but what do I know? I myself have only briefly dabbled in sloth, industry, and farming separately, I’ve never tried them all lumped together.

Belphegor is a miniboss who guards King Kamoshida’s megalomania fort from his strategic perch of a tankless toilet throne. Bucket Brigadier ILikeSocks explins: “The volleyball coach was abusing his team and the school covered it up. We can go into people’s sub-conscious and steal their heart causing a change in their behavior, so we do that to force the gym teacher to confess to his crimes. The school is a castle and the gym teacher is its king, King Kamoshida, because that’s how his distorted subconscious sees it.” Honestly, most high school gym teachers are afflicted with megalomania, and I see that as a keystone of toxic patriarchy. My own high school gym teacher would play a merciless game of “Simon Says” just to avoid supervising team-building games, so I totally get it.

More Belphegor for your shitter!

Howdy! Belphegor the Sanitation Doorman greets you in this Persona 2: Innocent Sin shitter lobby. He’s calling himself a Duke of Hell and makes reference to the fact that he’s the landlord of indolence, but those sound like self-appointed titles, something out of a LinkedIn profile from a guy who is definitely #OpenToWork.

Let’s take this opportunity to learn something together about Toilet Taboo. Belphegor sits on a toilet because of ancestral “ew” association surrounding bodily functions. The Abrahamic system that produced the Dictionnaire Infernal indicated excrement was an appropriate offering to Belphegor. All of this is certainly awkward when reality hits that sanitation is the height of enlightenment, and a toilet on wheels is possibly the best invention ever conceived of, second only to the flying car.

This post has been brought to you by Bucket Brigadier Rockin’ T! A little light in an otherwise insane world.

Velvet Room shitter!

From Bucket Brigadier ILikeSocks! This wilson is coming straight to us from Persona 5 Royal: “Dude I cant even begin to explain what the fuck is going on in this franchise. One big LSD fever dream. I’m in prison for reasons? Idk. It’s called the velvet room, it’s in every persona game that I’ve played. Not sure why this time it’s taken on the form of a prison, I’m sure I’ll get there at some point.”

Flushing a toilet without a lid in a room with fuzzy wallpaper sounds like punishment to me! But doesn’t that cot look sooooooo comfortable? It’s like they thought the walls and bed should swap materials.

Restaurant restroom!

This swank shitter from Persona 5 Royal was submitted by our 2023 Bucket Brigadier of the Year ILikeSocks who is just throwing down the shitters one after the next and who gives us this ringing endorsement:

“It’s more of a phantom shitter, but there’s a musical flusssssh. Persona 5 Royal is like an anime you play. It’s got style out the butt. You’re some kid who got expelled and your “punishment” is to move away from your parents, get transferred to a new school, and live alone above a restaurant. This shitter is at the cafe you now live at as part of your probation. You were given the room by the owner because (if I remember this right) your parents know another customer that eats at that restaurant so they asked the owner? Idk. It’s the flimsiest of reasons but whatever free curry. I read the dialogue and my brains went “That’s so fucking stupid it isn’t even really important to the story”, I just live above this restaurant now because main character 🤷🏻‍♂️. The game opens with you conducting a heist, but you were betrayed shortly after fighting people that turned into giant codpiece-wearing leopard men… From the little I’ve gathered you can go into people, and fight their demons and shit. When it goes all psychedelic everything’s super sexual and BDSM. I’ve only played like 30 minutes of what guessing is a very long and very weird game, but the intro was so groovy I’m committed.”