From bucket brigadier ThatOneCroatian, the busted, pink AF tiles of this Half-life: Alyx washroom match the pink alien ooze that covers the walls and floors. Decorating perfection is having the forethought to select tiling, fixtures, and even soap that coordinates with an infestation occurring possibly decades later.
Amazing! From bucket brigadier Casper, straight from Hitman: Blood Money. I’ll let our brigadier take it from here: “What you don’t see is the Secret Service outside the bathroom, VERY upset with my trespassing. This is actually the most difficulty I’ve had looking for a toilet!” THIS is the presidential shitter? This is a butler’s broom closet! Is there even a shower? “That was it unfortunately. It’s insulting, isn’t it? Haha.” What the fuck, brigade? Look at this shit. A tiny red carpet with gold trim. The back of the toilet is even gold. Honestly perfect, don’t change a thing. And a little piano bench or something? Is that what an Executive Manservant sits on while they wait for Freedom to poop? Are we going to let these developers get away with it, or are we going to write to our State Representatives and demand better representation of government shitters?
You don’t have to answer that. Back to Casper, who gains a significant edge in the race for 2020’s Brigadier of the Year with his contribution during election season! And he further promises, “If all goes well, you may have your choice of White House toilets.” What can it mean?? I’m so excited! Tune in to blast the lid off this mystery!
Can you believe that Seneca Gang has even MORE shitters on their (abandoned) property? I was on a second trip to the camp to visit the best of the gondola shitters, and I was completely bowled over to find they also have these sweet shitters that are not exactly shitters? They’re the shells of outhouses but have been repurposed into.. stuff…. Here’s one, it’s some kind of hideout, a looky-loo if you will, with a little chair for upon which a CREEPER may perch, perfect for an evil gnome. How would you like to round the corner and see that?
And this one! Sick, dude! I would expect nothing less from my boys the Seneca Gang. Here’s a shitter that’s – OH, SHIT! The switcheroo! It’s really a shot gun that will blast your ass, if you don’t watch your ass! But honestly, by now we all know to walk around these things with EXTREME caution.
A fun obstacle course reminiscent of one of those late-70s wooden playgrounds, Bloody Frank’s is a gross raider restaurant with a health code rating that would make Gordon Ramsay scream like a spinto soprano. It’s a teetering pile of splintered garbage, stapled together with walkways, stairs, and booby traps, all leading up to a princess parapet in the sky - and here’s the princess suite. An employee’s restroom where you’ll find collectable loot, like Dishwasher Steve’s note: A passive-aggressive, limp-dicked grievance, and the content is what you’ve come to expect from a disgruntled post-Apocalyptic chef. Yeah, he’s irritated with life, and has the urge to chop up his comrades for the next meal. How’d you ever guess?
Brought to you by bucket brigadier Omninut! This was the site upon which our brigadier met his painful death by getting his melon dome twisted all the way around. Is that the entrance to the Chamber of Secrets I see? Omninut’s commentary is as follows: “The hole that you see next to the shitters is in fact an escape route!” Be honest - would you use a shitter escape chute?
If you want to meet your new and intermittent best friend Beckett, you’ll have to make a stop at Rollins Labor Camp where he is imprisoned for mischief. Well, more specifically, he started dabbling in chems as part of his initiation into the Blood Eagles (sickguitarriff.wav) and got to thinking he could be boss. So they threw him in here and he wants YOU to get him out so he can go rescue his brother Frankie, who he abandoned in pursuit of his raider dreams (mutedsadtrombone.midi). Anyway, there’s his shitter! It’s legitimately a stock pot, which is huge, enormous and heavy and there’s actually a real bucket in the halway outside of his stall with some Abraxo in it, so I’m at a bit of a loss.
“Propping it up on cinderblocks was the smart.”
Full disclosure: I had actually taken a pic of this one myself, but my screenshot totally sucked so I found this excellent version on the guides website (referenced below). Admittedly, the guide was trying to highlight the quest item on the table there but you and I both know that we are here for the antiquated crap bucket.
High Judge Orivand shits in all his high-falutin glory in this friggin place - a crumbling fortress decked out in iron bars and coarse, red hempen banners. He has a very fancy bath, where he likes to scrubadub all under his judgmental fingernails and between his inquisitorial toes. That bucket next to the washtub? We all know what that is. The servant who brings the water isn’t leaving the water bucket there and there’s no water in this scene anyway so don’t even start with me. What you are looking at is the genuine article: A shit bucket from the Dark Ages!
So you’re on your way to sunny Fort Joy, a vacation destination of relaxation and recreation? Well fella, I hope for your sake that your ticket says The Merryweather, a steamship of unsurpassed luxury. With entertainment venues on every deck! Here’s the exclusive VIP cabin. Though your bunk is connected securely to the floor via direct contact, just close your eyes to experience virtual hammock-swaying action, thanks to the turbulent rolling of furious ocean waves. Water isn’t leaking in from the walls and ceiling, it’s actively freshening the air with a seasalt spray! The lumps in the corners are just lumps. Try not to think about them! Or touch them. Wave to your neighbor through the rusty rustic room-dividing privacy curtain! You have a shitter and he doesn’t. That’s what makes this bunk VIP. No in-transit food will be served. Bon voyage.
