Ransacked Research Outpost shitter!

When Crimson Fleet scum invaded a research outpost on Bessel III they fucked this place sideways. Food left out or devoured, smashed furniture, and ROWDY GANG GRAFFITI with big Tunnel Snakes energy turned this science site into a sorry sight. That one guy who worries what the neighbors must think (there’s always one) left notes behind saying “Fix your shit, you barbarian slobs”, which didn’t go over well. Is that his blood on the ground?? Of course, the shitter is the real victim here.

Absence of Humanity shitters!

In this visual demonstration, we will observe the strange juxtaposition of two fates: First, the confident and unflinching outerspace shitter from the Callisto Protocol game intro. It’s a stalwart shitter, military-grade. No nonsense, yet kitted out with some extras. You got your antimicrobial purple light inside the bowl. TP stowed where it stays clean. Although it be a humble bar of green Irish Spring, there is soap. And you got your safety strip on the floor so you watch your step, I guess. Last but not least, the main character is at ease here and he doesn’t even have the HP tracker shit on the back of his neck yet. Haute riche.

But then we see the other side of the coin, or the ‘underside of the seat’, as it were. This shit right here is what happens when both sanitation and humanity goes by the wayside because what do you get? A shitter of fear. This is Solitary Confinement Cell C1. The poor soul that was chucked in this oubliette had to make the best of what they had, which is just really fucking unacceptable in an age of space exploration! Note the desperate attempt to remain tidy, evident in the tooth care supplies stowed in a little cup. Roll your mouse over that if you really wanna see this nightmare of filth.

But the crazy shit is there are people on Earth right now who actually do live in conditions like this, in our modern age. More than 25% of our global population lacks access to basic sanitation, which makes groups like the World Toilet Organization so integral to quality of life and dignity. This generous contribution of two shitters from Bucket Brigadier ILikeSocks qualifies as two separate submissions, translating to a $10 donation to the World Toilet Organization. Check out “Why Toilets?” in the menu to bless your eyes with more information on the WTO. This and all the other Brigadier submissions will be sent in on World Toilet Day which is November 19! Thank you again to all the Bucket Brigadiers for continued excellence in Shitter Hunting.

Resident Shitter under the stairs!

Once again, our Bucket Brigadier of the Year 2023, ILikeSocks has come through with an amazing Shitter of Fear. This one is right out of Little Whinging, it’s the Shitter under the Stairs but zombie edition because it’s from the Resident Evil 4 (2023 remake edition)! Here’s what Socks has to say about this debacle:

“RE4 follows with LEON BIEBER after RE2 where now he’s tasked to save the President’s daughter from evil Europeans. They may be infected or something, thats not important. What is important is that Leon has a bad case of ADHD and keeps looking for shitters instead of some teenybopper thot. His name is really Leon Kennedy, but since the RE2 remake he looks like Bieber. Why’s there a shitter under the stairs? I’m really not sure. It’s a strange design choice for sure, but who can say what those crafty Europeans are thinking. What happens if you are constipated? Do people walking down the stairs hear you fighting for your life?”

Terrific camera work in this video. The well-placed exclamation of “Shit!” And damn if that dude didn’t get shot in the EYE and still attempt a bear hug body slam. Sorry but it needs to be pointed out, this is the EXACT same tiled toilet platform from the Resident Evil: Village shitter! Granted, the flooring is in fact different. Sustainability starts at home with reusing products you already have.

Organized ghosthunter shitter!

Another banger from Shitter of Fear aficionado ILikeSocks! This one is from a demo of The Mortuary Assistant. Is it a shitter of fear? The game is all about embalming dead folks and getting surprised by ghosts, so the shitter itself isn’t necessary fearsome to look at, but just knowing there’s probably a ghost nearby gives me the willies! Let’s pick this apart because there’s more to this shitter than meets the mortal eye. First of all, there’s no hover-sparkle required because IT ALREADY HAS A SPARKLE. I cranked up the exposure on this so you can see it clearly. Wow. I seldom seen something quite as meta as this. The seat looks like it’s a polyvinyl cushion, ew, and my but we are quite organized, are we not? This is an assistant who can certainly place “with pride in attention to detail” on that resume. But here’s an idea. How about you don’t decorate your entire bathroom with exposed rolls of toilet tissue and then just completely neglect to put one on the TP tension rod. There’ll be no holiday bonus until you can demonstrate improvement!

“The scariest shitters of fear are those that lurk in dark stalls.”

This ominous message were the only words left by our Bucket Brigadier of the year, ILikeSocks, when he submitted this Dead Space shitter. Let’s enhance… enhance… and squint real hard to see what that graffito on the middle stall says. Another ominous message? A warning??

“Fuck this ship, it’s a shitty capitalist organization.”

Just facts here. As an historic point of interest, shitty capitalist space ship organizations almost always naturally devolve into crew genocide at the hands of slimy aliens.

Hospital Wing shitter!

Here’s a Shitter of Fear from our Brigadier of the Year ILikeSocks! Once again from Callisto Protocol, this was spotted in the hospital wing after our hero escaped an ambush.

That does NOT look good. This is a shitter for a building where you’re supposed to go to get all healed up from your maladies and boo boos? You’re going to get tetanus, trichomoniasis, subhepatic hematoma, functional dyspepsia and all that jazz just stepping over the threshold of this minuscule concrete closet. Callisto Protocol has almost no HUD, but since you’re in a prison on Europa they’re using this prisoner collar on your neck to show your health and track your location and stuff. It’s like an Apple watch for your neck! Does this mean that if you go outside of the map your head explodes or something? Best to assume it does.

Gen Pop Antisocial Stainless Shitter!

Here’s a Shitter of Fear brought to us by our reigning Bucket Brigadier of the Year, ILikeSocks, from the terrible yet beautiful Callisto Protocol. Around this time of year BuzzPopNews or whatever bombards your default feed with “I didn’t ask for this”-type articles about words nobody should use anymore in the new year. Let’s try it ourselves starting with Antisocial vs. Asocial. While using this image as a guide, see if you can identify the correct adjective that describes this shitter:

Asocial: adj. Not social, such as rejecting or lacking the capacity for social interaction.

Antisocial: adj. Averse to the society of others. Unsociable; hostile or harmful to organized society, especially being or marked by behavior deviating sharply from the social norm.

The answer we are looking for is obviously the latter. Although the aesthetic here is making me really want a stainless shitter (look at the gleam on that bowl!). While it can be inferred that the ‘interior designer’ of this compound was trying to diminish the dignity of prisoners via exposure, the proximity of the shitter to the door of the cell is quite clearly a punishment for everyone else. Who wants to see that shit? So when you’re describing how you’re feeling on any particular day, think back to this shitter. You don’t want to go out, you don’t want to interact with others, so you’re feeling asocial. If you’re eager for everyone getting a good appraisal of your down-low bits, that’s antisocial. Let the shitter be your guide!

The 2022 Blue Bowl Award is HERE!!

So it’s finally fucking here, something we have all been waiting for! 2022 is over, everyone always says “Last year was a flaming dumpster fire, good riddance!” but wasn’t 2022 quite a bit better than a couple of them previous years, let’s be honest? We’ve had some great shitters in 2022, yes a lot less than usual perhaps and I completely own that because as you have heard me say a thousand times I’ve been in school and it fucking sucks, dude. If I could hunt shitters for my living, I would do it, but so far nobody has stepped up to be my Shitter Daddy (sorry, I won’t say that ever again). Anyway before we get into the winner (not like you can’t immediately see the image) here’s a breakdown of what qualifies (and quantifies) as a Blue Bowl shitter.

  1. The throne itself must give thrills. Effervescence of the brain occurs at its vision before you, something you remember and tell your children about.
  2. It tells a story. Has a potpourri of background imagery. A scene is being constructed around the shitter. Bonus if the shitter itself is a quest item.
  3. Dungeon/prison shitters or ‘Wilson’/sole companion shitters, for obvious reasons.
  4. The Blue Bowl shitter is a $25 donation to the World Toilet Organization, which will be received by the WTO on World Toilet Day.

This Blue Bowl Award is brought to us by our 2022 Brigadier of the Year, ILikeSocks, and it’s from Callisto Protocol. This one slide down the chute just before the end of the year and she is doing the most. This prison shitter gave me the thrills, and the chills! It’s going above and beyond with all that background glitter. Just based on the shitters alone I would definitely play this game, but you know what, honestly here’s a little review of the game from Socks himself, so you be the judge:

“A overwhelming “Meh”. Wait till sale or GamePass. It’s more unfinished half baked combat. The game looks great, spiritual successor-ish to Dead Space. But the combat is melee focused, not a terrible idea in itself but it’s shallow and quickly gets repetitive and when fighting more than one monster the combat falls apart and gets infuriating. Think melee combat as basic as Hellblade 1… maybe moreso, and where the monsters are happy to just gank the shit out of you and you dodge with the left stick for some reason. The dodge and combat break down when fighting anything more than one monster. For me at least, it’s in the same boat as Alan Wake 1. I really want to push forward with the story, I love the genre (Stephen Kingish Sci-fi Horror) but the gameplay is just to basic, repetitive and like pulling out my teeth. Also it’s mostly cheap jump scares and gore. Not really scary. Then again Dead Space wasn’t scary either. Some of the monsters are cool, but there isn’t much variety so far. Also same review applies for SCORN while we’re at it.”

Game quality and all of that aside, the shitter is fucking delivering. I am flush with more Callisto Protocol Shitters of Fear queued up to flash at you, now that I’m on a solid break so please look forward to it! 2023: The best is waiting for us! I am ready for this shit!

Calisto Protocol Tutorial Shitter: Solitary Confinement!

Bucket Brigadier ILikeSocks is taking us to the major leagues with a collection of Shitters of Fear from the Future. Horror survival game Callisto Protocol thrills us in the first 30 seconds with a prison shitter, which I love to see. Some sage wisdom from Socks:

“I literally have no idea what’s going on in the story yet. It’s basically a dead space game. Which itself was basically Resident Evil 4 in Space. You crash your “Aliens”-style cargo ship, and they are like “Guess you’re in prison now,” then monsters break out. I was supposed to take an elevator up but it went down because it was broken for plot reasons so they have you go through solitary as an alternate route. This is the Solitary Confinement shitter. Everyone loves shitters of fear, but no one wants one in real life.”

Too fucking true, dude. We delight in the beauty of the Shitter of Fear, but rarely admit the utter debacle it has gone through to acheive that beauty. Let’s break it down: This prisoner was evidently a shrewd DIY crafter because look at all those empty TP rolls. Everyone knows you can make many delightful decorations and ornaments with these! This restroom is obviously a MAKERSPACE. Pair that with copy of the Tao Te Ching you see on the shitterside console and your inner anthropological detective begins to form a portrait of who this prisoner was: A thoughtful introvert who just cared too much. And what a comfort it must have been to have this bulletproof shitter, pulling double-duty as a sink, for a companion during their time of great personal turmoil. Shitters of Perseverance!

A beautifully-tiled wooden potty stall!

From the Shitters of Fear anthology, our Bucket Brigadier ILikeSocks shares this gorgeous outhouse from Resident Evil: Village. Bravely reporting live from a super frightening place, and getting us all in the mood for Halloween, Socks says “I had to crop the RE8 ones like crazy to get them to send.” We all make concessions, why I myself had to ruin the mood on the second image rollover by turning the brightness all the way tf up because couldn’t see a god damn thing. Turns out light levels play a major role in scary-ness, because this potty is actually quite nice. I mean, it’s brick, and brick is ick, if we’re being honest, but overall, it’s a solid shitter. Such architecture could probably withstand a hurricane, so definitely a place I would hide from zombies and ghosts. Watch out, or the Babadookie will get you!

Resident Evil’s Mobile Home shitter!

This one is part of the “Shitters of Fear” Anthology. From bucket brigadier ILikeSocks! I asked him if this doll was significant somehow to the plot? He says:

“Oh lol. It’s just a mannequin. You got captured by the cannibal mold people. It’s right after you escape the main house and reach the trailer to save before you move to the next area. There’s all this creepy shit throughout the house. Mannequins with barbed wire and babies wrapped in it hanging from the bridge.”

It’s this forced-fear shit that really makes you stop and think, Who is setting up this scene? Guys, we need more barbed wire and babies in here, or we’re not convincing anybody!

Enclave shitters!

You might think, on first glance, that being in the Enclave is a pretty sweet hookup. I mean, check out those bathrooms. Nice industrial design theme going on here. But then, you look closer and get the fright of your life from some Damaged Garden Gnomes.

The first stall door opens to reveal a Gnome wielding a deathclaw hand and pressing a damn flashlight to his face. Next, some dude left a nasty log in one bowl, and another guy prefers to use a bathroom for an office.

Last two pics you see a Teddy who is going to lose his fucking life if he doesn’t play the right moves. Rollover that to see Snidely Gnomelash that got blasted in the face by me before I ran away with his captives. Look at those picket signs! Those are from the Chryslus building!

Chryslus Building shitter!

Tiptoe into this busted throneroom to take a piss while the Supermutants are preoccupied, and you’ll see a true mindfuck. That caution cone on the left of the room really needs to be in front of these two tricksters hiding in the stalls, holding signs that beg you to take them home. Do not pick up and cuddle a Shitter Gnome from Murdertown! Tell me this, Gnomes, if you’re so helpless on your own, how did you make those signs? I checked, but there really are no land mines or rigged shotguns or anything here. Since all Garden Gnomes carry a switchblade, don’t tell them where you live!!

The People’s Bank of Point Lookout shitter!

This is a miniscule gnome, within a safe deposit box, performing maintenance on a little-ass shitter with an itty bitty-ass plunger. “Have yourself a seat,” he gestures in his squeaky voice, at the mostly broken bowl. You politely wave your hand to indicate No, and he pulls out a switchblade. “I said. Have a seat.”