Kolbjorn Barrow shitter!

Ralis Sedarys is a Dunmer who has archeological ambitions and dreams. He needs some funds from you (11,000 Septims total) to dig through the layers of volcanic ash on Solstheim’s southern shore, because he says there’s gems and stuff down there. At this point in the game you already have a lot of cash, so the coins you toss at him in installments to get to the bottom of all this is really just a drop in the bucket. If you’re really that worried about it, go sell three Ebony greatswords and your costs are covered.

Things get more and more weird as Ralis makes progress, but because you’re the Dragonborn, you basically just watch him gradually lose his friggin mind, while you loot the barrow, and then save the day afterward. Here’s a shitter that can be found once Ralis sets up camp. Its placement changes slightly over the course of the quest, but like any good shitter, it’s a steadfast pal who sticks with ya ‘til the end.

Journeyman’s Nook shitter!

Ever go searching for Winterhold College’s missing apprentices? Here’s one of them - Borvir, a barefoot corpse, lays within arm’s reach of his boots, and shitter. He came out here to study mead, the production of mead, and the effects of frost magic on mead. Little did he know he would be studying nothing, because he’s dead at the hands of a few bandits.

Mzinchaleft - Shitter Safari Tips n’ Tricks

Today’s lesson takes us to the Dwemer ruin of Mzinchaleft. In a foyer near the entrance, we find a campsite with what looks like a shitter. On cursory glance, it has all the traditional expectations of a shitter for this setting. I caution you, Brigade, against complacency, and the fog of simple-minded speculation! A closer examination shows the campers were just using this bucket to tote around weird herbs.

Forelhost shitter!

The Nord ruin of Forelhost is a mess of fallen masonry, empty treasure chests, and dead chumps (tricked into treasure hunting by Captain Valmir, a Dunmer camped by the entrance). Pick your way through the obstacle course of rusted spinning blade traps and fire that shoots out of the walls to find a shitter. Careful, Dovahkiin! This skelebones from a billion years ago was killed when he tried using the water closet!

Condemned Bar’s shitter!

Submitted by Bucket Brigadier Khazya! This shitter is located at a defunct saloon. You’ll find it near the beginning of the Addermire Institute mission. I’m really into these humble-proud Shopkeeper Shitters lately. Given how poorly the rest of this building is looking, the barkeep has kept his personal space quite neat and tidy in contrast! His affairs are all in order on that desk. The blankets are folded very nicely! He’s trying so hard to keep semblance of order in this crock of shit that we call The Empire of the Isles. Doing his duty! If this guy traded spots with Emily Kaldwin for a day, I think we’d see at least some of the daily necessities addressed.

Amh Araeng Mining Camp shitter…..?

Here’s a place in Amh Araeng that will leave you asking “…Is it?” Near a mining camp called Nuvy’s Leavings, you’ll find a strange building resembling an outhouse. If you smash your camera into the door frame, you can see that there is nothing inside except some grass that clips through the raised floorboards. The unusual door on this itty bitty outbuilding begs the question. It’s clearly designed to allow for visual inspection of feet beneath the door, which suggests the building is an outhouse. But if it is, it is the first such structure of its kind in Final Fantasy 14.

Karnaca Enclave Barber Shop shitter!

I’ve been away for a little minute taking some summer classes, but don’t think I’ve forgotten about you, Brigade! Here’s a nice spot to freshen up off the main room of a barber shop in the Karnaca Enclave. This is really an example of an excellent shitter. For the location, it’s very clean. There’s a lot of detail in this one - The decorative floor tiling, the busted paint job, the personal care products on the sink, even that storage locker that seems a bit out of place. It’s both humble and proud, with that fantastic “I’m just doing my best” ambiance that I adore in a Shopkeeper Shitter. I like to imagine the designer getting into the mindset of the NPC who runs this place and setting up the backdrop accordingly. Definitely a blue ribbon shitter.

The Crone’s Hand Saloon shitters!

Paolo’s hideaway of The Crone’s Hand Saloon features two shitters - First, a cozy W.C. with buckets (because why not), a wastepaper basket, and receptacle for floor cigarettes. It flushes. Not much else to say.

Second, a very nice bedroom suite shitter with the usual trimmings, plus a convenient cutout in the wall for assassins like me. I’m sure you noticed too that these thugs just toss their dirty shirts on the bathroom floor because they’re living the high life. All rich people do it. It’s a silent declaration of “Fuck you. My 8-button, dupioni collared garment is now on the floor because I am bored of it.” Full disclosure: The wealth of the Howlers Gang is entirely comprised of wealth they co-opted from the pockets of other people.