Not cute.

Cecelia works at the Hound Pits Club. I think we, the players, are meant to forge a sort of subconcious bond with her, and see her as a real ‘salt of the earth’ kind of gal. She’s kind of pretty, hasn’t been marred by the plague, and somehow still has the physical strength to clean up after the Loyalists. She’s mostly humble, but she has the hots for Piero Joplin, voiced by the immistakable Brad Dourif (who played such characters as Gríma Wormtongue, Lon Suder, Billy Bibbit, and Chucky). Brad Dourif is hot in his own right, but you’re only hearing his voice as Piero, and you know who he is when you hear that voice, so this gives you an idea of the kind of character Cecelia goes for. Anyway, this is a representation of the first time I ever met Cecelia. What a pleasant young lady she is.

FFXIV’s Mandragora Toilet!

Brought to you by honorary Bucket Brigadier Ashley! It is the dawn of a new era, Brigade. The porcelain ceiling is about to be smashed! Ashley’s mandragora toilet is a finalist in FFXIV’s furnishing design contest for 2019. The vision here is exceptional. A mandragora peeping at you when the lid is left up is the perfect reminder. I only hope the leaves on top have a sparkle effect, and hopefully, a flush sound. If this thing wins, FFXIV would finally boast, among the throngs of bookshelves and teapots, the most essential housing furnishing ever. What could be next? Think of the possibilities. Gerolt’s Forge shitter. Rowena’s Cultural Appropriation shitter. There even could be one for each Primal. A Shitter of Crags! Rngsus bless this designer. Best of luck for a win, Ashley. I want a fleet of these in my Free Company mansion.

Ludwig Miller’s shitter!

The universe loves me, Brigade. The Outer Worlds came out on October 23, and one of the first quests in the starter town features a shitter. Meet Ludwig Miller! He hates robots, who have come to replace our jobs and our very lives. He wants to see them suffer before they’re destroyed, and the time to strike is now! All he needs is a key component to his plan, which he stashed in the safest spot he could think of: The latrine of the Spacer’s Choice Cantina. The last place a robot would ever look. Genius! This is a powerful life lesson for our modern age. Know anyone who never uses a toilet, or who doesn’t even think about toilets? They might be a robot.

Frozen Outhouse at The Wall!

Submitted by Bucket Brigadier ThatOneCroatian!

The collaborative puzzle-solving game We Were Here Together involves the use of voice chat to pass clues to a partner and interact with objects on separate map planes. But turns out, its even more than that. Because this game has shitters, my friends!

Look at this frozen shithole. This doorless portal to HELL is located at a spot called The Wall. How would you like to sit on that? It’s difficult to say for sure, but I’d call that a lethal drop. There’s an elevator puzzle on this level, and I know what you’re going to say, but no. The shitter itself is not part of this puzzle.

Durante’s Grand Guard Cell shitter!

Submitted by Bucket Brigadier Khazya!

Durante was a man who came to be detained by the Grand Guard for suspicious activity. He did a number of odd yet significant jobs for the Howlers. One such task was kidnapping drunk people to exchange for Howlers hostages via Mr. Modotti, the local silvergrapher and liaison for Shindaerey Mining Company. In that sense, I would say Durante was a devil. But his other job was delivering food, water, and sundries to Aramis Stilton. That’s why he has the combination to Stilton’s front door. So, is he also the one who emptied Stilton’s chamber pot? That’s one conclusion, and for that reason I say this man was an angel.

Shitter Hero Durante was imprisoned in the basement of the Grand Guard’s Batista District outpost, in the most morally degrading conditions imaginable. Grim and bleak, this room is practically yodeling “You’re not coming out of here alive.” There are rats. There’s crumbling plaster walls. A CorningWare® basin to weep into. A gruesome, bare mattress to die on. An unadorned metal pail for your Last Business. And it might be the best prison shitter I have ever seen.

This shitter is a contender for the esteemed Blue Bowl of 2019.

Jakobs Estate, Eden-6 shitter!

Submitted by Bucket Brigadier Solo Espresso!

There’s some hidden secrets in the Jakobs Estate, including a golden bust of Lenin, and a secret door behind a bookcase! But you know what else is in this zone? A shitter.

I have questions. Is the Eden-6 neighborhood a Homeowner’s Association? This shitter looks remarkably similar to the one at Blackbarrel Cellars, though there are certain nuanced differences. Why did both these locations require bathside gramophones? Why do both of them have crappy curtain installations - What is that filthy painter’s dropcloth-looking thing hanging from above the toilet? And neither have doors. So, why doesn’t Jakobs Estate deserve a nod in the Blue Bowl potentials? Simply put, this location seems to have a better grasp of fire safety, and that bores me.

Blackbarrel Cellars, Eden-6 shitter!

Submitted by Bucket Brigadier Solo Espresso!

This shitter is fantastic. What am I looking at here? Someone in the tub with a TV head? Is the person dead? Is that someone relevant to the story in any way? Is that a gramophone, or something like it? Detective Espresso has the answers!

“Yeah, apparently. I have no clue, it’s no one important. Just a random idiot mob. And that is a gramophone, I think it’s what it’s called, in the game. It’s such a pretty bathroom, and I love everything in it.”

It is pretty great. But you know what, Borderlands 3, you are really showing your ass here. The curtains are clipping into the walls. The pipes are wrapping around some of the curtains - how doth one closeth thine drapery? And my favorite thing used to be rugs with unfixable wrinkles. My new favorite thing is wrinkled carpet with candles that have been left burning on top of them. This crapper is a tinderbox. Yikes.

This shitter is a contender for the esteemed Blue Bowl of 2019.

Guts of Carnivora shitter!

Submitted by Bucket Brigadier Solo Espresso, who writes:

“Look it’s a double toilet! Just right there. Inside a shipping container two of them. #ToiletsWithThreateningAuras”

It’s not just remarkable that this unassuming shipping container sports two shitcans, which appear to have, somehow, a working flush function. It’s also wired for electricity!

Aventa District shitter - Grand Guard Office!

Submitted by Bucket Brigadier Khazya! Whether you’re a rented security officer, a bellhop, or stomping on the fingers of the little guy as a Grand Guard, y’all shit just the same. Here’s where you’d do it! This one can be found on your way to the Jindosh Mansion. It’s easy to overlook, because it isn’t anywhere a normal person would put a public bathroom (on the top floor in a multi-level high-rise). It’s dismal as fuck, so a great place for Corvo to stash the chumps who get in his way. ‘Twas a dark a gloomy shitter!

Q42’s Shitty Load Balancer!

Check out this amazing program that uses a sensor lock to detect how long a toilet was in use. This data shows employees the frequency of use, allowing them to select the cleanest bathroom possible. Just click the source link to navigate to Q42’s article.