Lauren Winter’s shitter!

Don’t let this five-star glam shitter fool you. Its caretaker is a mess. This shitter is looked after by Lauren Winter, a woman with zero muscles in her neck and sits or walks with a permanent slouch. We are led to infer that her former child, Johnny, was approximately 9 years old but in all his pictures he looks like he could have been Sick Boy’s stunt double. Possibly due to a steady in vitro diet of booze and cigarettes. We are supposed to be rooting for this bitch as she’s basically the story’s hero, I’m not, a slime mold could have beat her to solving the crime. And no, The Oaf is not the hero, he just has the most screen time. Ok, let’s face it, nobody in Heavy Rain is particularly brilliant, not even RoboCop Norman Jayden who has the power of SCIENCE on his side.

BACK TO THE SHITTER, this art deco starlet is like the rose from Beauty and the Beast - Encased in a protective glass gazebo-like cloche, and treated as a shrine where Lauren bedazzles it out with trinkets from her party days. Dahling, this shitter wears an impeccable fur cape and matching hat, and is surrounded at all times by a soft petal-tinted light. She has pink and white gauzy curtains to obscure her nobility from uncultured onlookers. Probably not shitter royalty, but at the very least a marchioness. Perhaps the cousin of a marchioness.

After nearly a decade of graphics development, patience pays off

Nicolaus Slayton’s shitter with a view!

So while all the great thinkers and legendary superthugs are shitting on the ground, those who hold the purse strings - in this case, Nicolaus Slayton - squat atop gilded brass and peer at elegant ballerinas twirling about this freaking stripper pole affixed directly in the boticcino flooring. When you have a bathroom the size of an improv studio it only makes sense to get the most use out of it.

Ransacked Research Outpost futurebucket!

As a scientist on Bessel III you’ve set up your research outpost to do your special investigation on… stuff, and I guess at some point the Crimson Fleet takes over and ransacks that research outpost. But before then - or after? but certainly during - your shitter is a plastic bucket on the floor, just like in the olden days!

Work From Home shitter!

Optimal output! The future of Work From Home, at least through the dystopian lens of Volii Alpha’s city of Neon, includes an efficient shit-n-send email system. Sorry, did I say ‘home’? I meant “Work From Shipping Container.”

Rocky Ridge shitter!

In the quest Ghost Town you meet Panam Palmer for the first time, who starts out as a badass bitch queen and by the end of your travels together you honestly cannot wait to get rid of her. She’s highly reminiscent of Camp Anawanna’s ginger queef, Bobby Budnick. ALL TALK!! I went from walking on eggshells to burning through this quest and offloading her as soon as I fucking could. Screw you, Panam for making me walk at 3/4 speed through the Aldecaldo camp like 12 times just to hear one line from an NPC. Damn. I almost forgot why we’re here - in the main quest with her you go to this hotel or bar thing to set up an ambush for the tough-as-nails Raffen Shiv nomad gang, so brutally rugged and hardened by the desert that it takes TWO bitches with hand pistols to take them all down. Wait - what’s that lurking in the shadows? Finally, a REAL gangster! Loaded up with a giant dildo and explosives. Hover your mouse over this image and get ready for a surprise.

Corpo Rat shitter!

In Cyberpunk 2077, this is where the game starts when you begin as a wealthy novaclass. Everything is better when you’re rich. Preem edgezone shit.

Jackie Welles’ shitter!

Here’s your new best choom, not Jackie Welles who gives a fuck about a gonk who dies in the first half of the game? No, I’m talking about this shitter who chills unbothered in a half-trampled shack, with the door blocking the doorway. The ceiling in here is covered in graffiti because when Jackie does something it isn’t subtly. Bottle of bleach IN the bowl, I guess that’s what he thinks cleaning is. Another one on the ledge by the shower, because that’s what he thinks soap is! Good ol Jackie, perfect meat shield and obviously his shitter would look like this.

Jemison’s UC Prison shitter!

Meander excessively to the UC building in Jemison to find a Va’Ruun Prisoner named Mir’za- who, per the Galactic Dignity Treaty, has a prison shitter. And apparently gets to keep wearing her body armor? The UC evidently believed the public placement of this shitter would cow Mir’za into feeling less-than, because she would have to use it in front of everyone. But ask yourself, as you take in the kohl kojol sunscreen smudged all over that bald head and (take my word for it) meth mouth, who is really being cowed here? You know Mir’za loves making the shift guard suffer when she situates herself on this perch. She probably stares them down. This shitter is Dark Wilson and with a corner office. The arrow points the way you will avert your gaze from the eyeball assault.

The Mighty Lamb Provides!

From Bucket Brigadier Mahilo who says: “From the game Cult of the Lamb for your Throne thing. I’ve got outhouses here for my cultists to poop in. You can harvest the poop as fertilizer for your crops. My cult shares everything with each other, gold, poop, corpses, etc. Don’t you want to be a part of something? If you’re going to have to pick between the dark cult of the Old Faith and the dark cult of the Lamb, why not go with the one that’s going to win?” The quest marker text (mouse rollover on image to see) needs to calm down about the putrid mess but I mean if fertilizer is your industry, makes sense!