Miracle of Wonderment and Light shitter!

This submission is by bucket brigadier Alec! Not much is known about this shitter from Modern Warfare, but we can say a whole lot about it. First of all, this may be modern but this ain’t war. Sorry, kiddo, but this is just somewhat messy. Seat is up, which although is direct disrespect to the shitter does not amount to a war crime. A shitter with the seat up like that just isn’t dressed properly. And your bathroom will stay cleaner in general if you put that shit down, son. Anyway, turns out you can polish a turd because look at that goofy little vase of flowers. I’m pretty sure Thich Nhat Hanh was talking about this shitter when he said, “You cultivate the flower in yourself so that I will be beautiful; I transform the garbage in myself so that you will not have to suffer.”

Similarly to what we see here, I have rented apartments that had bathrooms with no window, and I must say, never again. Although I can confidently assert I endeavor to maintain commodes of a pristine state, bathrooms without windows are dank and not in the premium kind of way. Any place that has a bathroom with no window is hiding some mold problems. Trust.

I still have questions. Where is that light source coming from, what is going on with that square of sunlight when there is no window, what is causing the dual newtonian reflective flares on either side of the room, are we inside some spiritual realm where light does not enter yet is dynamically formed? Truly a shitter to contemplate.

Murder hole shitter!

From our 2021 Bucket Brigadier of the Year Emrysin, this rare-ass shitter is from Dragon’s Dogma and it was just in a hallway with no door or anything. So this beautiful example of medieval engineering is not only a shitter, but it is also a siege weapon. Note the arrow hole in the wall: This is very wise placement. The first spot you might think of shitting yourself while you hide from a barbarian onslaught might very well be right at the toilet, but Dragon’s Dogma already thought of that and gave you the resources you need to defend the fortress. Pew pew while you poo poo or whatever. And they’re gonna do you one better because I’ll wager (can’t say for certain because there’s no way to angle the camera down) if there’s an arrow hole in the crapper then the shitter itself is a murder hole so you can rain down holy hell on the invaders below. Unleash a bioweapon of unmitigated scorn. It just makes sense.

Pizzaplex shitter!

There’s something so funny to me about sneaking around to get a peek at this electric purple nightmare shitter with a flashlight powered with D-Cell batteries.

If your parents loved you, they baptized you in the ballpit at Chuck E. Cheese but if they didn’t love you, they only baptized your older sister and left you at home to scratch out a social life telling stories to the backyard trees. I’ll leave it to you to figure out which one I was. Anyway, Freddy’s is like Chuck E. Cheese but without the tragic backstory. Freddy’s horror show is FUN! Freddy is the multifaceted feverdream mascot that children crave.

This glimglam shitter was submitted by bucket brigadier Rockin T! It’s from the horror-ish game Five Nights at Freddy’s: Security Breach. Is it a scary game? Says Rockin T: “Depends on the person!” How wise. This applies to so many situations in this life. Apparently this game has a lot of jumpscares, which to me is more annoying than scary.

Ready for the lore-down? The corkscrew mess in the foreground is detritus left behind by a collectible/quest item. I know, but just accept it for now. It doesn’t really matter why, and it doesn’t need to make sense. In fact you might do more damage trying to flex your noodle around that so best to leave it be. The character on the shitter seat is Glamrock Freddy and his face is the logo for a children’s pizza/fun place. “The Pizzaplex used to be a little pizzeria kids’ place, so they were just plain animals, and now it’s like new and improved and they’re a band. There are many versions of him.” Like animatronic Grateful Dead Dancing Bears that you’d prefer to observe from the quiet side of ballistic glass, the Freddy Bears come in every color of the rainbow and have different personalities too! Apparently, Glamrock Freddy is “naive and friendly.” No wonder he is the face of this shitter!

The Flat Shitter!

No, not a flat shitter, a Flat shitter, like another word for apartment.

Stray is a platforming game with vapors of Twilight Princess and killer robotic tardigrades which detract from the pleasant experience. You play an orange tabby (originally a black cat) whose carefree frolicking amid flowers, butterflies, and a loving family is pointlessly derailed. Your vastly superior life takes a sharp left into a trashed, abandoned metropolis. Immediately after tumbling into a pit of broken glass and crushed cans (and taking internal damage, probably), you become a personal detective and solve problems for SELFISH ELECTRONIC STRANGERS! Bullshit, I say. Let me just drink from crystal-clear rain puddles and nap on wildflower meadows! What the fuck!

This apartment is the first real safe place you find and as soon as you enter it you knock shit off a table. The safe space aspect of this location is denoted by the presence of a shitter, although I don’t much like that draft bearing down from the window like that. The decor is awful but you don’t even get to stay here very long to take it all in because there’s already some jerk named B-12 desperately flashing lights in your face demanding your help. And then he just puts a harness on you and rides you around the city, very Midna-like. Luckily for B-12, you’re the world’s smartest pussy because you not only solve puzzles but you can read, count, and play basketball. I guess your motivation is to get back to your family, but B-12 has his own agenda and basically your whole purpose now is to solve that mystery for him.

Anyway, I only bought this game because the probability for shitters seemed high and look, there’s one right here. So I guess I’m the smart pussy who landed on her feet this time.

Gen Pop Antisocial Stainless Shitter!

Here’s a Shitter of Fear brought to us by our reigning Bucket Brigadier of the Year, ILikeSocks, from the terrible yet beautiful Callisto Protocol. Around this time of year BuzzPopNews or whatever bombards your default feed with “I didn’t ask for this”-type articles about words nobody should use anymore in the new year. Let’s try it ourselves starting with Antisocial vs. Asocial. While using this image as a guide, see if you can identify the correct adjective that describes this shitter:

Asocial: adj. Not social, such as rejecting or lacking the capacity for social interaction.

Antisocial: adj. Averse to the society of others. Unsociable; hostile or harmful to organized society, especially being or marked by behavior deviating sharply from the social norm.

The answer we are looking for is obviously the latter. Although the aesthetic here is making me really want a stainless shitter (look at the gleam on that bowl!). While it can be inferred that the ‘interior designer’ of this compound was trying to diminish the dignity of prisoners via exposure, the proximity of the shitter to the door of the cell is quite clearly a punishment for everyone else. Who wants to see that shit? So when you’re describing how you’re feeling on any particular day, think back to this shitter. You don’t want to go out, you don’t want to interact with others, so you’re feeling asocial. If you’re eager for everyone getting a good appraisal of your down-low bits, that’s antisocial. Let the shitter be your guide!

Our Bucket Brigadier of 2022 is…

The turning of the calendar is not merely an excuse to make hollow promises to oneself and others, it is also a time to celebrate Greatness in Shitter Hunting and Greatness of Shitters! Today we are here to acknowledge our Bucket Brigadier for 2022 and it is a long-overdue accolade for ILikeSocks, a veteran shitter hunter who is now a decorated Brigadier. Socks has been with the Brigade for many years and has contributed something like over 13 shitters to our museum. Our community is so lucky to have him.

This is the most accurate picture of Socks that I could find. Outside of his hobby as a legendary weaver and baker of breads, Socks is a connoisseur of fine gaming entertainment. What does such a sommelier detect in choice gaming? “I honestly just look for anything to fill the gaping void of time. If it’s scary, or has exploration and/or space I’ll check it out. Also FROMSOFT games. I like finding shortcuts around the world. I guess I just like games where it feels like the people making them actually cared. Low bar 🤷🏻‍♂️”

Games you are looking forward to in future? “First thing I’m looking forward to is ELDEN RING DLC after that in no particular order: RE4 remake, Diablo 4, Armored Core, Starfield, Bombrush Cyberfunk.”

What’s the worst video game you’ve ever played and why? “The worst game I’ve ever played? You know it’s the cesspool that is Elder Scrolls Online. Heel deep gameplay where every class is exactly the same just with different colored spells. Power creep so insane the devs are in a perpetual state of meltdown, small unengaged community full of toxic groups. Difficulty all over the place with only two modes. IM TOO YOUNG TO DIE and We Are Never Going To Clear. Soulless cash machine, the entire game exists to prop up the crown store. There’s a few unlockable things like mounts and pets in the old old old base game content and maybe a few free outfits when you complete the DLC story but for 99% of anything worth having you need to buy it in the crown store. I could rant forever. But ESO fucking sucks.”

Thank you for everything, ILikeSocks! In your honor, $25 will be donated to the World Toilet Organization on World Toilet Day, on behalf of Gaming Thrones.

The 2022 Blue Bowl Award is HERE!!

So it’s finally fucking here, something we have all been waiting for! 2022 is over, everyone always says “Last year was a flaming dumpster fire, good riddance!” but wasn’t 2022 quite a bit better than a couple of them previous years, let’s be honest? We’ve had some great shitters in 2022, yes a lot less than usual perhaps and I completely own that because as you have heard me say a thousand times I’ve been in school and it fucking sucks, dude. If I could hunt shitters for my living, I would do it, but so far nobody has stepped up to be my Shitter Daddy (sorry, I won’t say that ever again). Anyway before we get into the winner (not like you can’t immediately see the image) here’s a breakdown of what qualifies (and quantifies) as a Blue Bowl shitter.

1. The throne itself must give thrills. Effervescence of the brain occurs at its vision before you, something you remember and tell your children about.
2. It tells a story. Has a potpourri of background imagery. A scene is being constructed around the shitter. Bonus if the shitter itself is a quest item.
3. Dungeon/prison shitters or ‘Wilson’/sole companion shitters, for obvious reasons.
4. The Blue Bowl shitter is a $25 donation to the World Toilet Organization, which will be received by the WTO on World Toilet Day.

This Blue Bowl Award is brought to us by our 2022 Brigadier of the Year, ILikeSocks, and it’s from Callisto Protocol. This one slide down the chute just before the end of the year and she is doing the most. This prison shitter gave me the thrills, and the chills! It’s going above and beyond with all that background glitter. Just based on the shitters alone I would definitely play this game, but you know what, honestly here’s a little review of the game from Socks himself, so you be the judge:

“A overwhelming “Meh”. Wait till sale or GamePass. It’s more unfinished half baked combat. The game looks great, spiritual successor-ish to Dead Space. But the combat is melee focused, not a terrible idea in itself but it’s shallow and quickly gets repetitive and when fighting more than one monster the combat falls apart and gets infuriating. Think melee combat as basic as Hellblade 1… maybe moreso, and where the monsters are happy to just gank the shit out of you and you dodge with the left stick for some reason. The dodge and combat break down when fighting anything more than one monster. For me at least, it’s in the same boat as Alan Wake 1. I really want to push forward with the story, I love the genre (Stephen Kingish Sci-fi Horror) but the gameplay is just to basic, repetitive and like pulling out my teeth. Also it’s mostly cheap jump scares and gore. Not really scary. Then again Dead Space wasn’t scary either. Some of the monsters are cool, but there isn’t much variety so far. Also same review applies for SCORN while we’re at it.”

Game quality and all of that aside, the shitter is fucking delivering. I am flush with more Callisto Protocol Shitters of Fear queued up to flash at you, now that I’m on a solid break so please look forward to it! 2023: The best is waiting for us! I am ready for this shit!

The Dr. Boris Habit puppet was created by Romanian puppeteers Gabi & Todi.

They’re flushing the smiles!

Hunty, what the fuck is “Smile for Me”? It’s a creepy and beautiful acid trip made from mixed media and interactive puzzles. You play Flower Kid, and while at The Habitat you meet strange folks, solve problems on their behalf, and get to sleep in a Cowboy Bed. The main objective is to prevent everyone from “losing their smiles forever” to the vindictive yet sensitive, clownish and gender non-conforming villain Dr. Boris Habit. So here’s the shitter.. and look! there’s a smile right inside it! Turns out this is a quest item. This shitter is submitted by Bucket Brigadier Rockin T!

You can always Go Home to a Clean Bathroom

This shitter is brought to us by Bucket Brigadier Rockin T from the game Gone Home which is serving up Indie Vibes with that font. Says our brigadier: “I actually don’t FULLY remember the plot of this game but it’s the 90s and you’re a woman who’s come home to an empty house and you look through it to unravel the truth of your sister’s first love. Essentially while you’ve been away, your younger sister fell in love with a woman and the family wasn’t supportive and everything sorta fell apart so now the house has been largely abandoned.”

Deplorable, shitty family dynamics need not necessarily translate into deplorable bathroom situations, because as we can see this is a fairly spotless restroom, all things considered. Damn. This shitter has witnessed some truly bad parenting, and although it too was abandoned, we are taking a moment to appreciate it once again because look at that elegant, elevated cistern. Not something I would put in my own bathroom but hey the 90s were crazy baby. AND BY THE WAY, that push-button flusher was patented in 1993, so FINALLY we get video game designers who actually do their RESEARCH! (I’m looking at you, Fallout 76).