Soaring Pacific 71 Heavy shitter!

Don’t look at me that way, that’s the name of this airplane. And this airplane shitter is actually so beautiful. First of all I love there’s a security pinpad on the door. Yes, stay out, lessers! The code for the door is on the first class ticket and IF YOU HAD ONE, you’d be allowed to open this door. And what’s inside? A bunch of raspberry jam, of course! Honestly, it’s fine with me that the gore isn’t hyper-realistic, I’m not into that kind of thing, but what I am into is hyper-realistic shitter aesthetic. The outsplashed blue sanitation liquid. The seat lid on the ground. The pillow compartment? Take a nap in there! This is afterall much more spacious than many metropolitan apartments, and look at all the PANELS!

Queen of Pop shitter!

Grunge is an artform and the only thing that would make this shitter more amazing would be a steel-studded leather cone-shaped brassiere. Vogueing its way to the top of the charts is this Dead Island shitter complete with cinderblock squatty potty, a drumroll of unfurled TP, backlit by a destroyed outer wall. Yes, sister, work the runway! This shitter has vapors of rat plague demigod but with the finery of an aerospace magnate and it is doing the most.

Spa Treatment shitter!

You woke up like this? Can’t help but feel sorry for this shitter who just wanted to be an influencer and ended up in a literal blood bath. This shitter is like the Velveteen Rabbit. When you become REAL, honey, this is what you look like! Thanks to bucket brigadier Swolito for these Dead Island shitters!

Wayward Inn’s Zero Dignity shitter!

This is a multi-occupant, gender-neutral shitter in a fucking hotel and check out what happens when you’re using the urinal and someone walks the fuck in. I would say this is merely a byproduct of The Things We All Must Deal With Since the Bombs, but this was obviously an existing pre-war structure. Again, I simply must bellow mine question to the universe: CAN NOBODY BUILD A DOOR?

Overseer’s Home shitter!

Vault 76’s overseer looks like your non-binary 8th grade gym teacher/health class instructor and lives in an absolute château on the Appalachian cliffsides. It’s a two-story palace with the works: stash box, workbenches (armor, weapons, and tinkering), a chem station, and a projector that’s constantly showing a slideshow of local attractions available in Sutton (the town where this is). Quite a nice place and exactly what you’d expect from an overseer, which is utter denial of what the real world is like. Right down to the Vault-Tec approved shitter on the first floor. Gosh, how pretty. I don’t know how she keeps the towels so white, but good for her. Of course, I’d vastly prefer if that plunger was kept in some kind of cabinet because nobody wants to see that.

Johnson’s Acre shitter!

Here’s a shitter with some history, both because it has been in queue for like three years and also because it was first the home of a dude who survived the initial bombings, then was taken over by raiders, and finally is ‘now’ the home of the Cult of the Mothman! And apparently this is where a quest takes place where you have the option to rescue a radioactive Mole Rat named Noodles. I mean the guy doesn’t need to be rescued. If he wanted to, at any time Noodles could just leave. Let’s be real.

Anyway, let’s take a moment to appreciate how raiders and cultists are basically the equivalent of lesser primates who cannot even use tools. OK, this is the shitter that this place came with. You could not bring yourselves to pick up a hammer and repair or replace at least the DOOR on this thing? Honestly, fucking pathetic and I expect better out of religious folk. And before you admonish me to see the splinter in my own eye or whatever, just know that I care enough about my own shitter to fix it even if the slightest thing goes wrong with it because it is my greatest treasure in this world. Do better, cultists!

What does it all mean?

When I saw this pop up on the screen and the Oaf could not figure out what this street address was, I could not help but yell “Do you live in this city or not?”

And that’s the last of my Heavy Rain screenshots! I’ll never play this game again. Hope you enjoyed them!

Nathaniel’s shitter!

Nathaniel is a guy who is hyper religious as an after-effect of experiencing police brutality. You go here while playing as Electronic Policeman Norman Jayden, and your natural instinct is to say “Yeah, I’ll definitely make this worse,” as one of your actual options is to END THIS MAN’S LIFE because he’s being a bit loud - or get him help? Because those are the two types of police. The rest of the apartment is absolutely encrusted with crucifixes - encrucifixed - except for the bathroom where there are none. This is because the shitter itself is a refuge from evil that cannot be made more perfect. It is entirely sinless, irreproachable, without fault, and the place where you go when you want to experience sanctity on this Earth. Saint Bowl is a bit filthy but that’s only because it is also so humble. We could all learn a LOT from this shitter.

The Lizard shitter!

This shitter lives in a burnt apartment that has a lizard painted on the door. The key to the Lizard Suite is kept in a little porcelain lizard too! So I guess there’s a theme. During this trial, The Oaf has to cut off a piece of his finger in front of a camera - I guess the allusion is that lizards sometimes lose their tails, except those grow back. The finger, not so much. Good thing you never went to the cops, Oaf, otherwise you might be out of this mess already. But then we never would have seen this shitter, a little grimy but still standing watch like a steadfast soldier. I will admit that the thing this game does really well is having shitters in pretty much every chapter, even if the characters don’t make use of them as Thinking Spots as they ought.

Ann Sheppard’s shitter!

This game is chock-full of stupid people and bad parents. And combinations of both! This shitter from an elder care home where brilliant investigative journalist and Night Club Chameleon Madison Paige learns the true identity of the Origami Killer. And it’s a very funny scene where she acts terrified, shocked, and panicked all at the same time even though the name should mean nothing to her? She never even met him once during the entire game? Anyway this shitter has to sit by and watch the foolishness take place, quite a nice shitter but actually not the best design for a nursing home setting. It’s the private shitter of Ann Sheppard, the killer’s mother, and she is like “oh yeah, I had two sons, one of them died while I wasn’t taking care of him, and that was the one I actually liked. The other one is some guy, idk what happened to him, the government took him away and he’s a Frankenstein’s Monster of morals he picked up on the streets and alleyways when I wasn’t doing my only fucking job.” You know, it’s quite interesting how the Origami Killer ends up killing kids “just to see if their dad will come to the rescue” like his own father never did, but nobody seems to ask what THE MOMS were doing?