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Gaming Thrones
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Posted on March 10, 2019
Installment #3 of Famous Toilet Episodes: Tywin Lannister’s Infamous Toilet Death!
Tywin Lannister, son of Tytos and Jeyne Marbrand, is assassinated by his son Tyrion, for his crime of being a perennial and unremittent asshole. If that isn’t the biggest “Oops, guess I shouldn’t have dehumanized my son for the last 26 years” face I’ve ever seen.
This is only funny because of the jerk it happens to. While you might say to yourself, ‘But I don’t want to die on a toilet,’ it begs the question. At his funeral, where Tywin is arrayed in a fabulous black velvet Nightstalker Raiment, attendees remark that death on a toilet is an indignity that is uneclipsed. But could this perhaps been the most convenient way to croak? King Robert makes mention of, and perhaps foreshadows, the dreadful phenomenon which occurs immediately following death in Episode 3 of Season 1!
Posted on March 8, 2019
Charleston Shack shitter!
This quaint, riverfront cottage looks like it practically built itself from sentient debris floating on the Kanawha River. It blends right in, which is why you might even miss the shitter that doubles as a lookout tower and a shelter from Super Mutant passersby. It’s a pretty great shack. In addition to the wooden potty stall, there’s a radio, a bed, and a perimeter of razor wire fencing. You can pretend it’s yours. A note left by Charleston’s former pastor (there’s a condemned chapel across the water) lays next to the radio. It indicates the previous owner was killed by a sniper from an office building overhead, but you won’t need to worry about such a fate, since you likely have a chameleon left leg, and are ambulating in a crab-like stealth crouch at all times.
Posted on March 8, 2019
Instagram and Facebook won’t exist in the year 2102, so trollops will resort to posing like this in abandoned shopping mall parking lots, next to prams of gnomes drinking vodka, while wearing hazmat suits. Thank God.
Posted on March 6, 2019
Graninger Farm shitter!
Hey, sweet digs. This sprawling, three bedroom farmhouse (that’s debatable, but there are three beds, including a double bed, a little mattress on the floor, and the skeleton of a bed half-hidden under rubble) has every trimmin’ and fixin’ you could desire! You get a floor safe, two radios, a culinary cauldron, and one very large skylight. Note the tub propped against the wall like a coffin for a shitter vampire. This location is special because you can find a rare plushie here named “Pristine Teddy Bear”! The wikia describes it as a “junk item.” That’s rude.