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Posted on April 6, 2019

Kaldwin Saferoom shitter!

Emily Kaldwin’s super secret clubhouse is festooned with all the comforts and privileges a lil Empress could desire. That means platters of fresh, firm fruit, crisp bedlinens and laundered coverlets, and shelves of stiffly-bound books, trinkets, memorabilia, and baubles. There are two iron-clad safes full of gold bullion, and a humming furnace. It even has a secret entrance (accessible only with a special key that is in the form of the Royal Signet ring). Seems the perfect place to cuddle up with a copy of Tale of the Mariner’s Voyage, and hide from one’s responsibilities for hours.

Well, you can fuck right off with that highborn shit, because Delilah Copperspoon is here off the mean streets of Dunwall with some decorating ideas of her own. And she prefers to use Nature’s Palette of tracked-in grime and runoff rainwater! Clutch your pearls! The Designing House of Brigmore demands a looser grip on that stuffy notion of “a reasonable degree of filth.” When Delilah wrested control of this circus, she blasted that locked door right off its hinges and did away with the posh linens, satins, and silks. Gone are the snacks and the knick-knacks! Gone are yesterday’s useless heirlooms (note that poor Mrs. Pilsen has been tossed right in the fucking toilet)! This isn’t even the full room. This is just the part of the room with the shitter in it. Elsewhere in the Saferoom, there was a marble carving of a female figure, but when Delilah took over, she replaced it with an actual human man encased in splintery black witch crystals.

What do you say, Brigade? Which version is better: Rich Girl’s Refuge, or Profane Pigsty?

dishonored
shitter

Posted on April 3, 2019

Dunwall Tower shitter!

A private citizen is holed up in this bathroom in Dunwall Tower. He’s scared to leave because there’s a killer robot roaming the hall outside the blocked-up door, but you can get in by crawling through an opening near the ceiling. Once inside, you’ll be able to reassure him that help is on the way and he’ll be rescued from Delilah very soon, but mostly you’re here to check out the shitter.

Don’t worry about him, the dude’s hierarchy of needs are more than met. There’s some shitter food in here and I know he’s got plenty of that desalinated tap water fresh from the sea waters surrounding Dunwall Tower. He’s got a couple of dressmaker dummies for company and some lorebooks for when he gets bored. A shitter is the best possible place to have to hide out in the event of a Witchcraft Coup.

dishonored
shitter

Posted on March 31, 2019

Royal Conservatory shitter!

Here’s a room that was created for the sole purpose of making sure there was a shitter in this building. Thank you very much, Arkane Studios. There’s nothing in this room aside from a functioning toilet, a dead guy, and two bullets.

dishonored
shitter

Posted on March 29, 2019

Duke Abele’s Royal Guards’ shitter!

The Duke lives steeped in opulence in the nouveau-riche, modern expressionist Royal Palace, that sports a ghastly cast plaster exterior. Aramis Stilton has more taste, and I think the Duke is trying to play catch-up. Abele spent a lot of cash on his palace, but cut corners on the facilities for his support staff. I don’t know about you, but I wouldn’t want to shit here. It is slightly less dreary than a workcamp barracks, and Duke Abele obviously didn’t feel the need to spring for any kind of floor coverings, a second sink, or even a second coat of paint. The shitter itself is fine; it is innocent, and is just trying to do its job.

In case you were wondering, no, I didn’t incapacitate these guards, they were already slumped over drunk when I got here!

dishonored
shitter

Posted on March 27, 2019

Stilton Manor Guest Bathroom shitter!

An exquisite guest bath featuring a rip in the very fabric of time. Speaking of fabric and time, it’s interesting to see the dirty laundry has remained unshifted in both past and present. Note the fabulous addition of mannequin heads in both the tub and the shitter bowl. A unique feature of this shitter, aside from the whole timewarp thing, is the alcove-type nook with interrogation lighting. Sit your ass down and explain your shit, Stilton!

dishonored
shitter

Posted on March 26, 2019

Dunwall Tower Hallway shitter!

You might recognize this spot from the first Dishonored, as the location where the Lord Regent is arrested after you expose his crimes via loudspeaker. Just look at how the plucky Brigmore Witches have transformed this dull, ordinary hallway into a cluster of shit stalls, decorated with profane scrawlings and filth! These ladies really know how to make a house a home. If you need to get all dolled up for a visit from the Duke, this is the spot to get fresh, pretty and demure. What do you think you’d find if you turned that chamber pot in the middle rightside-up? I’m fully certain there’d be a nice bouquet of colorful roses.

dishonored
shitter

Posted on March 24, 2019

Paolo’s shitter!

Slippery eel and Outsider enthusiast Paolo (no last name, because he is a standalone rockstar) calls a near-empty apartment above the Crone’s Hand Pub home. This is Paolo’s very own shitter - Notice there is no toilet! I don’t think he’s using that bucket, either. Paolo is a sorcerer who can transfigure into a cloud of rats like Sewer Dracula, so he might not need a normal shitter at all. I can definitely imagine this grimy little weasel crimelord just blooming into a swarm of rats and shitting all over the city that way.

Fun Fact: The character Paolo is voiced by Pedro Pascal!

dishonored
shitter

Posted on March 22, 2019

Fenella Reid’s shitter!

Due to a helpful letter left behind, we can know that Ms. Fenella Reid worked for the Boyle company, and at the time of Peak Delilah she was living in a collapsing, ruined townhouse on Kaldwin Boulevard. Though Fenella eventually left town, her shitter stayed behind as a testament to the vulgar inhumanity of dark-sided witchcraft! When I saw this puddle of smashed porcelain, I just wanted to drop to my knees and scream “why, why, WHY?”, but since I’m going for the Ghostly achievement I just silently took a dignified picture, like a professional combat correspondent. I definitely choked out the Brigmore Witch that was standing lookout at the top of the townhouse. Earlier in the game, you overhear two witches cackling about how satisfying it is to smash precious dishware. I’m sure this was her doing, the villain.

dishonored
shitter

Posted on March 20, 2019

The Incredible Time-Traveling Shitters of Stilton Manor!

Aramis Stilton gives the impression of a well-meaning, if not simple-hearted fellow who just wants to collect art and arrange flowers. How did his manor fall into such disrepair? The long and short of it is Stilton permitted Duke Abele and his shitty cronies to use his home for a séance that ultimately gave physical form to the spirit of Delilah. Now he’s trapped in a prison in his mind, but you can free him using a hand-held, dark-sided timepiece and a strategic bump on the noggin.

The timepiece can also be used to check out Stilton’s phenomenal shitters. You can use the timepiece to either take a little peek back in time through a glass, or transition entirely from the present to the past. Clearly, time and witchcraft has taken a toll on Stilton’s master bathroom. Though the decor was quite nice back then, nature added some beautiful and dignified additions of her own. Some fallen pipes now house ornamental grasses, vines, and god knows what else, and a brass alligator statue salutes us from the bow of that bathtub. The shitter itself remains whole and in working order in both timeframes. The complexity of this washroom is yet unsurpassed.

This shitter is a contender for the esteemed Blue Bowl of 2019.

dishonored
shitter
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