Memorial Park Station shitter!

It’s another shitstorm of corruption, murder, and espionage in Night City. This time, some nobody on the Night City Council killed a journalist with computer magic. While sneaking around in the station that houses the CCTV footage you need, you find a man getting the shit beaten out of him in a bathroom. And the only real reason I’m here is to get snaps of the shitters, so when I shook him by the collar and demanded to know - “Are there any other shitters in the building?! Tell me!!” - he had the gall to say purely the most disgusting thing ever. Every shitter is unique and precious! Though this one has seen better days. What could compel someone to scrawl “No Future” on a substandard privacy barrier? I’m guessing it was the mystery meat kebabs.

Hippie Hideaway shitter!

Torres Piombo is listed as a “minor character” in the cast of Hitman, but if we’re getting honest, he’s probably the biggest character because he provides so much ocular spice. In the classy Mediterranean town of Sapienza, Torres Piombo is simultaneously just one man, and somehow also a buffet of eclectic colors, style, and aromas. The ankle bracelet-clad Bohemian alpha male exudes rainbow-hued bachelor aura waves from his penthouse apartment above the (checks notes) Town Hall? Lose yourself in the peaceful swirling and twirling to the music emanating from his Zen den. Marvel at his collection of cans, bottles, and Buddhist figurines, while partaking of his whacky weed. Sink your toes into the luxury of the garnet shag bathroom rug set. Get fired up to punch a Nazi after experiencing the unbridled testosterone of his Fascism-killing acoustic musical implement!

In this screenshot, submitted by bucket brigadier Swolito, we see beatnik lamb Torres needlessly slaughtered. At least his dearest companion in this life was at his side during his final moments! Alas, a shitter cannot give testimony in RICO trials.

D&D Tavern Shitter!

From our Bucket Brigadier of the Year 2021, Emrysin, here are two gendered toilet banks in an actual Dungeons and Dragons tavern map. This is a rare Birdseye View shitter. Says Emrysin: “That’s the tavern we were staying at while investigating a series of murders tied to un underworld crime syndicate. The well in the center of the room goes down into the sketchy place. When we entered the tavern the first time, some slimes and a troll came out of the hole. The tavern is known for the hole in the middle of it, it’s named after it, if I remember correctly.”

How do the toilets factor into the dice rolling? If you go in there and roll a 2, is that a good thing? According to Emrysin, “A giga-slime creature did come out of the toilet, that we had to fight too. It was all very questionable.”

Where you been, poo?

You may have noticed we have been AFS for some time, because a lot has been happening. I graduated, I moved on, and I have a monster load of shitter submissions waiting to be glorified on this blog. Thank you for your patience, I see you there in my analytics looking for new shitters and I validate you!

The biggest update I have for you is the promise of future fun - I’ve been recreating the blog in a new framework that will be faster, with more optimized images, and more features. I’m SO excited to share that with you, and hoping very much that I can get it all done before September, when I will whisk away to the university of my dreams to become even more powerful, legendary, and unstoppable.

So once again thank you for your continued viewership. This community means so freaking much to me, and honestly, we have made a big difference to our main squeeze, the World Toilet Org. That is a relationship I’m looking forward to also increasing and improving in the near future, so please look forward to that. Best wishes from this shitty blog!

April Fools by Jog Brogzin

Seal of approval!

Check out these lovely World Toilet Day Collector’s Stamps available from the United Nations. You can get whole sheets or a set of three unique stamps for around $5. Each stamp emphasizes a different aspect of the importance of a toilet: Fostering a healthy ecosystem, preventing disease, and keeping under-represented demographics in school! Yes, I will be framing this in my bathroom!

Delamain HQ shitter!

Delamain is the AI taxi service with a whole mess of problems. The fastidious, tight-laced queen running the show in blue lipstick keeps losing its shit, and there’s a rambling treasure hunt you must complete if you ever want to see this shitter.

Throughout the game, the storyline keeps trying to convince you that computers are the wave of the future, but Delamain is run entirely by computers and machines, and its rather a troubled beast. If you’re anything like me, when you got a look at this you asked yourself, “Why?” Who even is using this shitter, as there are no humanoid employees with humanoid, shitter-using asses within this corporation? Peek around in the old email logs and you’ll find out there used to be a lot of human employees until they transferred all the power over to an AI, which soon took over the company and fired everyone.

Oddly enough, the AI controls helper-bots of all shapes and sizes and yet never bothered to clean this room. Creepy and barely usable, one stall is entirely inaccessible and the other is just a very big NO. Reminiscent of the shitters from Prey, a dank-ass area rug half soaked in what could be any kind of liquid lays crumpled beneath the bank of sinks. Nearby stands a trough of urinals. The green tint of it all makes you wonder which of the strewn trash items will turn out to be a mimic. And this is where I start to question the power of artificial intelligence. Even if robot asses have no use for this space, they could have scoured it of the former human filth and garbage and reallocated its purpose. Seems as though the human programmers never considered the necessity of cleanliness and sanitation as part of their day-to-day, and thus did not program a janitor function. That “hacker stink” has roots in habitual negligence.

Fun fact! The book on the back of the toilet is a smut mag called “Sex and Chrome.”

José Luis’ Shitter!

You have been tasked with some detective work to find out how a Valentino gangster named José Luis got away with homicide. After tiptoeing into a Heywood car depot, easily bypass the many chauffeurs and sentries to locate José Luis, who looks like he emits the combined odors of Drakkar Noir, rancid onions, and a pet shop that only sells lizards. Before you dump him and his shiny tattoos into the boot of an awaiting car, get a peak at his shitter!

This sight took my breath away and I found myself staring agape at the glaring brilliance of this shitter. This bathroom is fucking amazing. Trash and detritus all over the place. Particles of disintegrating insulation float through god rays that remind you that you ARE in the presence of something magnificent and sacred and tragically beautiful. There is a lone square, black candle by the toilet (off-camera) that I’m certain is Drakkar Noir-scented and is intended as a vigil to lost innocence. The “On A Roll” magazine strategically placed, yet barely any toilet paper, the bucket under the sink pipe, and that towel as if anyone is actually washing their hands here? José Luis! Your shitter is supposed to be your greatest ally in this life! How can he treat his bathroom in this way, with impunity? Did the shitter itself spraypaint that graffiti because I’m starting to think when Marissa sang “She’s Broken, He’s OK” she was talking about THIS shitter and JOSE LUIS! The things monsters do to the ones that care about them the most! José Luis deserves everything that’s coming to him!

Big Brain Toilet!

This shitter with icky chipped wood wainscoting and cleaning supplies scattered about is from The Evil Within 2. You’d think this is just a janitor’s haunt in some drippy basement but did you know this is a Dream Shitter conjured up by an AI?? This was submitted by bucket brigadier ILikeSocks, who says this:

“Game isn’t terrible and the settings are kinda cool in a weird dreamscape kinda way, it’s just got that B Movie acting. This shitter is in a machine that connects human consciousnesses together. The “core brain” went missing in the system so now everything’s corrupted and fucky. It’s kinda like a matrix sim, made to look and feel real so I’m guessing that’s why there’s shitters. The obviously-evil org wants to use this computer/sim technology to control the world/reality somehow. A SHITTERLESS REALITY. Anyway the guy’s daughter Lily, who he thought was dead, her consciousness is being used as the core so that’s why they send him in. That’s the gist. Go looking for daughter, shitter scavenger hunt instead.”

The Gaming Thrones Bucket Brigadier of 2021 is…

Congratulations to bucket brigadier Emrysin! The picture you see here is Emrysin himself, an avid book reader and extreme gamer with a bright future in professional game design consultation. Let’s check in with Emrysin, and ask him some important questions.

First, what drove you to want to attain this prestigious award? “My fierce competitive spirit and my undying love for toilets, but mainly I just wanted to support my friend and their toilet blog. Advocating for awareness of proper hygiene is so important and I feel so honored that I can help contribute to this blog that advocates for that in some small way.”

What kind of games do you usually find yourself playing the most? “I think the first thing I look for in a game is whether or not it’s co-op, and the second thing is if I’m going to enjoy the character progression. I also have a penchant for playing games with magic in them, since I really enjoy magic.”

What games did you enjoy the most in 2021? “Kena: Bridge of Spirits is a game I really enjoyed from 2021. It is full of whimsy and wonder. When I was younger a friend recommended Trine II to me, and it too evoked whimsy in me, and I liked the storytelling, art, and music. Ori and the Blind Forest is another such game. I really enjoy games that challenge me, like Dark Souls III. Also pretty much any game where I can be a healer or a medic, whether that be while slaying zombies, or in challenging RPG moments, or platforming in 2D games or exploring ancient ruins and bustling cities.”

What games are you looking most forward to in 2022? “There are two games which I am so excited about. The first is Baldur’s Gate III, and the second is Elden Ring. I am so looking forward to playing these gmaes with my friends, of course with the inimitable author of the blog that you are currently reading.”

Thank you Emrysin, and we are all on tenterhooks awaiting your next shitter submissions!