Office Building shitter!

Featuring guest commentator Rockin’ T!

“This bathroom from Deus Ex: Humana Revolution is in a sort of office building. The protagonist is a cyborg guy and he’s head of security (I think), and some researchers there have been kidnapped. N you have to go like save them. But you can take a detour and go walk around and the bathrooms! And other rooms. HOWEVER (and they don’t tell you this) there is a secret time limit where if you take too long the hostages will be killed. So when I was first walking around I was taking my time, talking to ppl n exploring and came to this bathroom (to get the picture), and then boss guy who told you abt the hostages calls you and is like, “Dude wtf?? What’s taking so long?” And that call made me nervous. So I googled if there was a time limit, and yes there was. Apparently none of the other levels are like this, just the very first one. I DID make sure I went and talked to this one dude who was shittalking me. I was like, I’m gonna say smth, hostages be damned. But they were fine.”

This sounds like some original Die Hard shit! How nefarious and devious of them to try to distract you from something amazing like this shitter with threat to human life. Little do they know that neglect of shitter is in itself a threat to human life! Never neglect your shitter, always take whatever time you need to appreciate your shitter.

V’s Apartment shitter!

Check out this Cyberpunk shitter submission from the newest member of our Bucket Brigade! This is a two-fer with spectacular observations by brigadier Eoino:

“CDPR’s developers have packed Night City and its surroundings with all kinds of allusions to films in the cyberpunk genre, one of which can be found inside V’s apartment. Step through the beaded curtain in the bathroom and you will see, to the right of the toilet, three seashells. These are a sly nod to “Demolition Man,” the 1993 sci-fi action film set in a future where violent crime is virtually nonexistent, every restaurant is a Taco Bell, and toilet paper has been replaced by a system whose design fails to offer any clues about how it’s meant to be used.

Contrasting the seashells’ user-hostility is the litter box for Nibbles, V’s hairless cat. With a design that hasn’t changed since its introduction in the 1940s, the litter box occupies the pinnacle of achievement in industrial design. A kitten presented with a litter box will, with no human prompting, immediately grasp its purpose and functionality. The juxtaposition of these two design philosophies — one human-centered yet enigmatic, the other feline-centered yet perspicacious — stands as a pointed critique of a consumer culture that privileges novelty over accessibility.”

Shitter Safari!

Incredible live footage by Bucket Brigadier of the Year ILikeSocks, here in Dead Space scoring us another Shitter of Fear.

Liam’s Tavern!

This is more like a repurposed bathroom, because nobody here is using it as it was originally intended. I can’t say I recommend this as a practice at all, because imagine if a person actually needed the bathroom??

The gay Bara RPG Robin Morningwood Adventure is full of gargantuan jiggly cartoon men with barrel chests and in between the weird fetch quests the goal is to fetch some dick anywhere and everywhere you can. This location is a bar, it’s got bars on the window too, censor bars on those asses (which you can remove to reveal the bowling ball backsides of these gents if you hover over the image). It’s naughty. Peek through the Togetherness Hole to see something that makes all three of the stalls occupied at once. Every part of this bathroom is occupied. And it needs a doorframe wide enough to fit an piano through because of the shoulder measurements on every dude in this village. In real life, don’t do any of this in a bathroom. Let the shitters do their jobs.

This shitter submission is from bucket brigadier Emrysin!

It’s my first point of research

When it comes to relaxing and recreational time wasting, I only care about one thing. If the game doesn’t have shitters, what’s the point? This scribble I did looks hellacious but I did this during a Zoom meeting and you get what you get. Adapted from the striking film poster for There Will Be Blood, art by the exceptional Ayse Deniz (hover to see the original image).

Oil Rig shitter!

A big thanks to bucket brigadier Alec for this Modern Warfare screen capture! Dear brigade, I feel that I can already sense your concerns, and I validate you. “This is ‘modern warfare’? This looks like its from the basement of a NYC office building!” But guess again, this is apparently an oil rig shitter and Jesus H. these people live like orcs. What the fuck, I’m sorry, what is this layout? The sink has misbehaved and is in time-out? Why is it sequestered in a little stall? You have to shimmy past two urinals just to get to the sink. This man’s name may be SOAP, but let’s be real, nobody here is washing their hands.

Organized ghosthunter shitter!

Another banger from Shitter of Fear aficionado ILikeSocks! This one is from a demo of The Mortuary Assistant. Is it a shitter of fear? The game is all about embalming dead folks and getting surprised by ghosts, so the shitter itself isn’t necessary fearsome to look at, but just knowing there’s probably a ghost nearby gives me the willies! Let’s pick this apart because there’s more to this shitter than meets the mortal eye. First of all, there’s no hover-sparkle required because IT ALREADY HAS A SPARKLE. I cranked up the exposure on this so you can see it clearly. Wow. I seldom seen something quite as meta as this. The seat looks like it’s a polyvinyl cushion, ew, and my but we are quite organized, are we not? This is an assistant who can certainly place “with pride in attention to detail” on that resume. But here’s an idea. How about you don’t decorate your entire bathroom with exposed rolls of toilet tissue and then just completely neglect to put one on the TP tension rod. There’ll be no holiday bonus until you can demonstrate improvement!

Shitters Needing Support

Ever get to Hardware Town? You know, the place where you’d normally buy all kinds of DIY shit to buff up your domicile, like lumber and flooring? In this case the VERY STORE needs to look inward because it desperately needs to do the work. The top images are from the showroom. Yes, these shitters were for exhibit only. Back in the day, these were the preeminent shitters that people from all over came to gawk at and admire. Now look at them. A fall from grace, but the shitters did nothing wrong.

The bottom pictures are the employee and customer restrooms at Hardware Town. These are not for show, yet here we are. Excuse me, but what sort of bullshit is going on in the employee restroom, with the 2 urinals and the toilet facing directly at them? Bob Villa doth weep! This is not a good look for Hardware Town. Lastly, those customer toilets are barely hanging on by a thread. Needs a couple caution cones, maybe a sign saying “DO NOT STEP HERE!” And we can learn something from this distressing display. The shitters here could not be crushed beneath the iron fist of nuclear annihilation, which is certainly encouraging.

“The scariest shitters of fear are those that lurk in dark stalls.”

This ominous message were the only words left by our Bucket Brigadier of the year, ILikeSocks, when he submitted this Dead Space shitter. Let’s enhance… enhance… and squint real hard to see what that graffito on the middle stall says. Another ominous message? A warning??

“Fuck this ship, it’s a shitty capitalist organization.”

Just facts here. As an historic point of interest, shitty capitalist space ship organizations almost always naturally devolve into crew genocide at the hands of slimy aliens.

Keet’s Bar shitter!

Get your purple nitrile gloves and your ACE bandages because it’s party time! In this scene from Back 4 Blood you will use a bar’s jukebox as bait for a hillbilly rock-hating, phonophobic wave of zombies. This wave has the population size of a small city, and they will (ideally) attack the source of the music instead of attacking you. From there it’s spray and pray. It’s the same idea behind Fallout 76’s timed event “One Violent Night”, and I’m sure a ton of other games too. There’s no door! There isn’t even any hardware on the frame to indicate that there were intentions for a future door. This room doubles as a storage nook for bottled water and office supplies. Zero respect is given to this shitter, yet it maintains a quiet dignity.

Special thanks to bucket brigadier Emrysin for pausing between the splatter to secure this screenshot.