Black Heart, Yellow Silk shitter!

What in The King And I hell is this? From Bucket Brigadier ILikeSocks from Hitman #6 (also called just HITMAN because Agent 47 needs you to use small words). “Gotta break into some rich spa health resort in Hokkaido, first thing I did was find my room’s shitter.” Something quite funny about this baldy stalking around with all the grace of a chest freezer in this delicate yellow silk robe. Hey, the pattern kind of matches your beauty mark on the back of your shiny bald dome. By the way, nobody could exactly stop you from just fucking off and living here forever. You’d just have to kill anyone who tried to evict you.

SPOILER ALERT: Secret shit ahead!

From Bucket Brigadier ILikeSocks, this Pacific Drive shitter comes with secrets! “There’s a shitter in the garage that is protected by a 4 digit keypad, for story reasons, with a hidden passage that activates when you use the hand drier.” Think of it as a reward for actually washing your mitts. Take notice because shitters are #DoingMorein2024: This shitter did the smart thing and took advantage of the money they received from the CARES Act to get trained as a security guard.

Safezone shitter!

From Pacific Drive, courtesy of the inimitable ILikeSocks: “The shitter is located in the safe zone/mission hub area that you return to between levels. The zone serves as your garage where you make repairs and build shit before going back out.” Of course the shitter is in the safe zone. The shitter uplifts you. The shitter protects.

Spooky Glow shitter!

From our 2022 Brigadier of the Year ILikeSocks, out of PacificDrive. Intimidation shitters! If Oblivion had shitters I imagine they would look something like this. Whence comes this eerie pink glow? “Oh I threw that flare. Game’s dark as fuck so unless I light them I cant see shit. Uh im really liking the game. It’s my kind of weird. A lot of scavenging and car maintanence.” Here we see increased variety in Pacific Drive shitters, in form as well as function. One is sunk into a fixture surround and clutches a cache of goods that may determine your very survival. The second looks a capitious gargoyle in a standalone gothic cranny in the midst of an ashen midden. Hellfire and native sulfur smite thee if you disrespect these shitters!

The Long Dark shitter dump!

Here are some beauties I’ve waited a while to pass on to you, for various reasons: I’ve been busy, and I forgot about them. But The Long Dark is not an entirely forgettable game and I’m pleased to finally share these shitters that were rusting in my files. They’re from 2019, JESUS!! I’m sorry I neglected you, you’re wonderful shitters and have no reason to hide. These are not Shitters Of The Wild, they’re from the optional story. It’s special that the shitters were written into the scenery here. You can get water from the toilet and boil it, would not recommend unless you are desperate and have sterilization tablets.

The first is simply labelled “Restroom” and can be used by anyone left alive after the mysterious Geomagnetic Disaster that freezer burnt the whole world. In our second image we see a shitty end for a bloke who for some reason picked the least comfortable place to die, or maybe he was doing first aid and his brain told him this was the cleanest place to be? Not likely in this scenario, but it does speak to the fact that in your final hour, shitters mean dearly-sought comfort. Final image looks at first not so nice, but think about all the crap you get in this one room. The newspaper is kindling, there’s definitely protein bars in those lockers, and there’s nobody else left alive to object if you wanted to leave a parting gift in the bowl that will never flush.

Soaring Pacific 71 Heavy shitter!

Don’t look at me that way, that’s the name of this airplane. And this airplane shitter is actually so beautiful. First of all I love there’s a security pinpad on the door. Yes, stay out, lessers! The code for the door is on the first class ticket and IF YOU HAD ONE, you’d be allowed to open this door. And what’s inside? A bunch of raspberry jam, of course! Honestly, it’s fine with me that the gore isn’t hyper-realistic, I’m not into that kind of thing, but what I am into is hyper-realistic shitter aesthetic. The outsplashed blue sanitation liquid. The seat lid on the ground. The pillow compartment? Take a nap in there! This is afterall much more spacious than many metropolitan apartments, and look at all the PANELS!

Queen of Pop shitter!

Grunge is an artform and the only thing that would make this shitter more amazing would be a steel-studded leather cone-shaped brassiere. Vogueing its way to the top of the charts is this Dead Island shitter complete with cinderblock squatty potty, a drumroll of unfurled TP, backlit by a destroyed outer wall. Yes, sister, work the runway! This shitter has vapors of rat plague demigod but with the finery of an aerospace magnate and it is doing the most.

Spa Treatment shitter!

You woke up like this? Can’t help but feel sorry for this shitter who just wanted to be an influencer and ended up in a literal blood bath. This shitter is like the Velveteen Rabbit. When you become REAL, honey, this is what you look like! Thanks to bucket brigadier Swolito for these Dead Island shitters!

Wayward Inn’s Zero Dignity shitter!

This is a multi-occupant, gender-neutral shitter in a fucking hotel and check out what happens when you’re using the urinal and someone walks the fuck in. I would say this is merely a byproduct of The Things We All Must Deal With Since the Bombs, but this was obviously an existing pre-war structure. Again, I simply must bellow mine question to the universe: CAN NOBODY BUILD A DOOR?

Overseer’s Home shitter!

Vault 76’s overseer looks like your non-binary 8th grade gym teacher/health class instructor and lives in an absolute château on the Appalachian cliffsides. It’s a two-story palace with the works: stash box, workbenches (armor, weapons, and tinkering), a chem station, and a projector that’s constantly showing a slideshow of local attractions available in Sutton (the town where this is). Quite a nice place and exactly what you’d expect from an overseer, which is utter denial of what the real world is like. Right down to the Vault-Tec approved shitter on the first floor. Gosh, how pretty. I don’t know how she keeps the towels so white, but good for her. Of course, I’d vastly prefer if that plunger was kept in some kind of cabinet because nobody wants to see that.