Delamain HQ shitter!

Delamain is the AI taxi service with a whole mess of problems. The fastidious, tight-laced queen running the show in blue lipstick keeps losing its shit, and there’s a rambling treasure hunt you must complete if you ever want to see this shitter.

Throughout the game, the storyline keeps trying to convince you that computers are the wave of the future, but Delamain is run entirely by computers and machines, and its rather a troubled beast. If you’re anything like me, when you got a look at this you asked yourself, “Why?” Who even is using this shitter, as there are no humanoid employees with humanoid, shitter-using asses within this corporation? Peek around in the old email logs and you’ll find out there used to be a lot of human employees until they transferred all the power over to an AI, which soon took over the company and fired everyone.

Oddly enough, the AI controls helper-bots of all shapes and sizes and yet never bothered to clean this room. Creepy and barely usable, one stall is entirely inaccessible and the other is just a very big NO. Reminiscent of the shitters from Prey, a dank-ass area rug half soaked in what could be any kind of liquid lays crumpled beneath the bank of sinks. Nearby stands a trough of urinals. The green tint of it all makes you wonder which of the strewn trash items will turn out to be a mimic. And this is where I start to question the power of artificial intelligence. Even if robot asses have no use for this space, they could have scoured it of the former human filth and garbage and reallocated its purpose. Seems as though the human programmers never considered the necessity of cleanliness and sanitation as part of their day-to-day, and thus did not program a janitor function. That “hacker stink” has roots in habitual negligence.

Fun fact! The book on the back of the toilet is a smut mag called “Sex and Chrome.”


José Luis’ Shitter!

You have been tasked with some detective work to find out how a Valentino gangster named José Luis got away with homicide. After tiptoeing into a Heywood car depot, easily bypass the many chauffeurs and sentries to locate José Luis, who looks like he emits the combined odors of Drakkar Noir, rancid onions, and a pet shop that only sells lizards. Before you dump him and his shiny tattoos into the boot of an awaiting car, get a peak at his shitter!

This sight took my breath away and I found myself staring agape at the glaring brilliance of this shitter. This bathroom is fucking amazing. Trash and detritis all over the place. Particles of disintegrating insulation float through god rays that remind you that you ARE in the presence of something magnificent and sacred and tragically beautiful. There is a lone square, black candle by the toilet (off-camera) that I’m certain is Drakkar Noir-scented and is intended as a vigil to lost innocence. The “On A Roll” magazine strategically placed, yet barely any toilet paper, the bucket under the sink pipe, and that towel as if anyone is actually washing their hands here? José Luis! Your shitter is supposed to be your greatest ally in this life! How can he treat his bathroom in this way, with impunity? Did the shitter itself spraypaint that graffiti because I’m starting to think when Marissa sang “She’s Broken, He’s OK” she was talking about THIS shitter and JOSE LUIS! The things monsters do to the ones that care about them the most! José Luis deserves everything that’s coming to him!


Cyberpunk 2077 Shitter from Somewhere!

Brought to you by ヴァニーニャ from GameSpark, who says the following: “汚いトイレもありました!” I love the gritty atmosphere of this shitter. Very punk indeed, and mysterious! Where is this shitter? Is it in a slum? Or in a high-end, exclusive, jet-setting dance club? That tarp with the spray paint? Maybe it’s not a tarp at all. Maybe it’s an art piece, and it was expensive as shit.