Valentine’s Day is approaching, so rev your romance engines with this prose from Griswold, Poet Laureate in the year 2287. If this doesn’t convince you that nuclear decimation of the human race is a really bad thing, I don’t know what will, but this is what’s left in humanity’s Talent Coffer once everyone else has been blown to cinders.

The first pictures are selections from Griswold’s Poetry Journal. These detail a saga of Griswold’s reflections on his greatness, and contemplations of Sue.

The last picture here is Sue’s. Likely the only eligible female in this raider camp of Monsignor Plaza, she has her own thoughts on Griswold.

Unmarked Shitter outside Robco Research Center!

This unmarked shitter appears to be camping here independent of any surrounding territory. I am guessing a Wastelander NPC constructed this from found objects. It seems a pleasant spot to squat. Enclosed in pieces of fencing, this doorless outhouse is accompanied by a whole bathtub and some Standard Shitter Goodies can be found within - A random assortment of beverage and first aid.

After surviving a nuclear apocalypse only to be wiped out along with your entire town by a gang of blood-thirsty monsters, losing a game of poker to an innocent stuffed bear doesn’t seem that terrible.

This installment of Famous Toilet Episodes is pulled from one of my favorite films: Mel Brooks’ Robin Hood: Men in Tights. In this scene, Blinkin, the Loxley family servant, is “looking at porn” while ‘in’ the bathroom (which is really a fold-out relief on paper, because he’s blind). This is a pretty standard Castle Shitter, essentially a hole in the top of a wooden box that leads ‘somewhere.’ We generally assume this leads to a chamber and a huge pile that some poor asshole has to shovel out, because we all know Castle Loxley didn’t have running water or a sewer. Obviously Mel Brooks had a lot of influence over me growing up, because I too now believe you can’t call yourself ‘classic cinema’ without having at least one shitter in the production.

Today’s Sunday Mail Bag letter is the first we ever received. It’s from Bucket Brigadier drteeth76. This fan letter was received in 2014, when we were known as Shitters of Skyrim. The best part of corresponding with viewers is getting to know them a bit. Fun Fact: drteeth76 and I have something in common! We both spent time as librarians.

Psychotronics Holding Cell shitters!

While playing Prey, there have been moments where I realized that the fuckers working on Talos I got exactly what they deserved. Finding these rooms was one of those moments. Check out the shitty, dehumanizing conditions prepared for mental health ailments. The “bed” is a plywood platform with a paper-thin mattress. Or maybe it’s a sofa, and they expect the person to sleep on the cot?

It has a radiator. Can we just talk about that for a second? What twisted, illiterate contractor decided this was the go-to technology for the year 2031 on a fucking Space Station? Why do they even need heating units like this? Doesn’t Talos I use thermal padding and the Magnetosphere like any other structure of its kind?

You’ll notice as well that there’s aluminum trays, and metal cutlery. In a psychiatric ward! Maybe their excuse starts out as, “Well, we didn’t anticipate we would have psych patients needing special cutlery in Outer Space.” But you had the forethought to build multiple padded cells, so what the fuck? You have fabricators that could just poof the proper items out of polymer resin! Explain your bullshit! These aren’t even the only rooms like this on the Station. Have some floor food, you breathing liability, and a journal so you can take notes on this bullshit to present to the UN later.

For future reference, being locked in a psych ward does NOT protect you from aliens. When I got to the second room, there was a mimic in there. I think it was pretending to be toilet paper. Additionally, if you had any doubts left that this place is pure simulacrum, take a look at the poster on the wall. The dude on the poster, Aaron Ingram, is the same guy you free from the experiment chamber.

It’s all very sad and you can see from these photos that the residents of these cells have been here for quite some time (note the walls covered in hatch marks). At least they get a shitter, even they just have the toilet paper thrown in there on the floor like they’re animals or something.