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Posted on February 2, 2019

This Cargo Bay Container Hidey-Hole belongs to Quentin Purvis, deceased. While not a true shitter, I thought it prudent to include this rather ridiculous display in the collection due to Mr. Purvis’ forethought of including toilet paper in his secret hiding place.

The full story here is Quentin Purvis got wind of something terrible happening, or going to happen, to Talos I. So naturally, he hoarded packaged food from the Dining Hall, and some markers to huff, and shut himself up in a shipping container. I’m guessing he thought this container would be safe from the aliens. Maybe he thought it was going to get loaded onto an outbound ship and he would be headed safely to Earth soon enough. Unfortunately for him, he never packed any O2 tanks and died of asphyxiation while the station was locked down in quarantine. But packing toilet paper was a great idea.

prey

Posted on January 31, 2019

Camden Park shitters!

At Camden Park, you’ll find no lines at the rides, the games, nor the shitters! There’s also no working electricity and no First Aid Station, so watch out for broken glass. Here’s a little fella who is determined to enjoy himself no matter what. He’s all set with his cotton candy, his milkshake AND his beer hat, plus front-row seats to a parking lot full of explosive cars and ghouls, which makes for an exciting demolition derby.

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Posted on January 30, 2019

G.U.T.S. Closet shitter!

The most eerie thing about Prey is continually finding shit like this which makes you pause and say to yourself, “Now this doesn’t look like a Space Station.” This shitter in the G.U.T.S. (Gravitational Utility Tunnel System) of Talos I is little more than a closet, with an obvious water leak, stuff laying around on open metal shelving and a pouch of biohazard fluid in the sink. What the fuck, scientists? Why isn’t everything nailed to the damn floor? What happens if a catastrophic event occurs - much like the one we find ourselves in while playing Prey - and we enter Zero G? You’re telling me that pouch is going to be flying around the room and bean me in the face like a paint ball pellet? Who is in charge here?

Oh, right. It’s Alex Yu. The guy who spends more time on the phone than in the lab. The guy whose kitchen is so crammed full of snacks that he has crates of it stacked ON his exercise equipment and whose body mass exceeds the limit allowed by NASA.

Anyway this is a sad little cubby that someone plunked a toilet into and called it good. It’s very convincing. Now, please wake me up from this nightmare and show me where the real Outer Space bathrooms are? Documenting your shitters is the only reason I am here.

prey
shitter

Posted on January 30, 2019

As you explore Talos I you are led to believe that Alex Yu is the most privileged entity on the Station. But you were utterly deceived. Because clearly Abigail Foy, GM of the tabletop roleplaying game Fatal Fortress, had the sweetest hookup of all when she was permitted to transform her apartment into a gaming paradise. When she’s just not feeling like uncovering the mysteries of the universe using Science, she just flops on the floor with her friends with some snacks or plays pinball with the actual pinball machine in her entryway. The last picture is the message you get when you hack into her computer. Whether this results in a buff or a virus in your suit interface depends on how much of her Fatal Fortress game you completed.

prey

Posted on January 28, 2019

Alpine River Cabins shitter!

Having a small business wasn’t enough for the guy who used to run this vacation destination. In a bid for a spot on Haunted Tours of West Virginia, the cabins were wired so the paintings would rotate and the floors would shake. There are a number of buildings at this location, along with some outdoor cook areas, but just one outhouse.

Here’s the Most Haunted Shitter in Appalachia. Note the secondary bucket inside the stall. There’s also a rocking chair outside. Maybe it creaks ominously when you approach, I don’t know. But there’s a water pump for washing your hands after, and the fact there’s a functioning door is enough for me; I’m sold.

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