So while all the great thinkers and legendary superthugs are shitting on the ground, those who hold the purse strings - in this case, Nicolaus Slayton - squat atop gilded brass and peer at elegant ballerinas twirling about this freaking stripper pole affixed directly in the boticcino flooring. When you have a bathroom the size of an improv studio it only makes sense to get the most use out of it.
As a scientist on Bessel III you’ve set up your research outpost to do your special investigation on… stuff, and I guess at some point the Crimson Fleet takes over and ransacks that research outpost. But before then - or after? but certainly during - your shitter is a plastic bucket on the floor, just like in the olden days!
Optimal output! The future of Work From Home, at least through the dystopian lens of Volii Alpha’s city of Neon, includes an efficient shit-n-send email system. Sorry, did I say ‘home’? I meant “Work From Shipping Container.”
In the quest Ghost Town you meet Panam Palmer for the first time, who starts out as a badass bitch queen and by the end of your travels together you honestly cannot wait to get rid of her. She’s highly reminiscent of Camp Anawanna’s ginger queef, Bobby Budnick. ALL TALK!! I went from walking on eggshells to burning through this quest and offloading her as soon as I fucking could. Screw you, Panam for making me walk at 3/4 speed through the Aldecaldo camp like 12 times just to hear one line from an NPC. Damn. I almost forgot why we’re here - in the main quest with her you go to this hotel or bar thing to set up an ambush for the tough-as-nails Raffen Shiv nomad gang, so brutally rugged and hardened by the desert that it takes TWO bitches with hand pistols to take them all down. Wait - what’s that lurking in the shadows? Finally, a REAL gangster! Loaded up with a giant dildo and explosives. Hover your mouse over this image and get ready for a surprise.
In Cyberpunk 2077, this is where the game starts when you begin as a wealthy novaclass. Everything is better when you’re rich. Preem edgezone shit.
Here’s your new best choom, not Jackie Welles who gives a fuck about a gonk who dies in the first half of the game? No, I’m talking about this shitter who chills unbothered in a half-trampled shack, with the door blocking the doorway. The ceiling in here is covered in graffiti because when Jackie does something it isn’t subtly. Bottle of bleach IN the bowl, I guess that’s what he thinks cleaning is. Another one on the ledge by the shower, because that’s what he thinks soap is! Good ol Jackie, perfect meat shield and obviously his shitter would look like this.
Meander excessively to the UC building in Jemison to find a Va’Ruun Prisoner named Mir’za- who, per the Galactic Dignity Treaty, has a prison shitter. And apparently gets to keep wearing her body armor? The UC evidently believed the public placement of this shitter would cow Mir’za into feeling less-than, because she would have to use it in front of everyone. But ask yourself, as you take in the kohl kojol sunscreen smudged all over that bald head and (take my word for it) meth mouth, who is really being cowed here? You know Mir’za loves making the shift guard suffer when she situates herself on this perch. She probably stares them down. This shitter is Dark Wilson and with a corner office. The arrow points the way you will avert your gaze from the eyeball assault.
From Bucket Brigadier Mahilo who says: “From the game Cult of the Lamb for your Throne thing. I’ve got outhouses here for my cultists to poop in. You can harvest the poop as fertilizer for your crops. My cult shares everything with each other, gold, poop, corpses, etc. Don’t you want to be a part of something? If you’re going to have to pick between the dark cult of the Old Faith and the dark cult of the Lamb, why not go with the one that’s going to win?” The quest marker text (mouse rollover on image to see) needs to calm down about the putrid mess but I mean if fertilizer is your industry, makes sense!
Courtesy of Bucket Brigadier ILikeSocks: “Pacific Drive. You’re trapped in the Olympic Exclusion Zone located in the Pacific Northwest. It’s sort of a paranatural Chernobyl where some shit clearly went wrong and everything’s abandoned, full of anomalies and monster things. You need to manage your PoS car to cross the zone and escape. Your car even develops anomalies if you’re out too long. Turning my steering wheel causes the headlights to turn off and it takes place like 90% at night. The car becomes self-aware. Now everytime I get in and out of my car it opens my left door. It slammed the trunk door down on my head and caused damage. Anyway.. I’m not sure why there’s an outhouse INSIDE the building… 100% there is no indoor plumbing on this one so that little gas station cabin thing must STINK.”
The graphics in Pacific Drive have a distinctive flair similar to The Long Dark, which is also a post-apocalyptic exploring game. Do the shitters in Pacific Drive become self-aware like the car? And do they need therapy when it happens?
Submitted by 2023 Bucket Brigadier of the Year Rockin T, who says “Barry is the protag and he’s aboard a ship rn looking through the cabins. The girl attacking is a zombie. ALSO there’s a medical office key in that toilet!” The shitter is a very unamused passenger aboard a fancy boat called STARLIGHT and of course got pulled into this ridiculous mess. This shitter is from Resident Evil: Gaiden on Game Boy Color!