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Posted on January 23, 2023

First Class Cabin shitter!

Submitted by bucket brigadier Rockin T this is the first-class cabin shitter from Zero Escape: Nine Hours, Nine Persons, Nine Doors! In this moment, we are peering through a crystal ball to reveal The Prophecy! Rockin T explains: “You’re in the Nevada Test Facility, which is studying morphogenetic fields, and is designed to look like the Titanic. Because one of the test facilities is on the sister ship of the Titanic, the Gigantic, which is a replica of the Titanic, and the testing facilities must be identical, the Nevada Test Site ALSO looks like the Titanic. They’re trying to check if human fear is powerful enough to transmit thoughts to another. The idea is one group solves puzzles and transmits the solutions to the other group out of fear for their lives since they’ll die if they don’t solve the puzzles and escape in under 9 hours.”

There’s always a showy, trifling kerfuffle around the ideal configuration by which the toilet paper should unroll, while far less emphasis placed on lowering the lid of the toilet seat so yucky bacterial water doesn’t spray out when you flush the thing. Just do it. Anyway, this backstory is all rather rich if not convoluted and it sounds like the logic for this experiment was birthed from the musings of a 1930s laudanum reverie. But wait, there’s more: “That was in the past, however, because this is a second test, designed to allow Junpei to transmit his thoughts back in time to save his childhood friend Akane, who is CURRENTLY stuck on the Gigantic, but like 10 years ago. She exists in both time periods and essentially remembers the future, so she creates the future in order to allow it to happen. This toilet is in one of the cabins that Junpei must try to escape. Multiple times in the game he finds important items for escaping either in or around the toilet! But he does not actually attempt to flush himself down it.”

Stress can make you really sit up straight so it’s really no surprise that we see this shitter being fastidiously clean as a crutch. What does this shitter gain from being an unpaid time-traveling escape-trinket emissary? Except personal GLORY? Well when the job MUST be done right, trust a shitter. It behooves us as the members of the Maritime Toilet Club to decorate this shitter with the 1912 George V Mercantile Marine War PNG (for services to the timeline while at Sea), which you may gaze upon by mousing over the image above (as always).

Fun Fact: “The Gigantic was invented for the game, but the Titanic DID have sister ships. The Britannic sank in the Aegean Sea on November 21, 1916, killing 30 people. More than 1000 others needed to be rescued. So BOTH the Titanic and its ACTUAL sister ship sunk n killed people.” They learned nothingggggg.

shitter
zero escape
bucket brigade

Posted on January 18, 2023

Mom’s shitter!

Submitted by bucket brigadier Rockin T! This scene is from the Undertale spinoff Deltarune, a game which is currently in a free and unfinished state of being, and has only two chapters. And yet, remarkably, it has a shitter. A paragon of essential game design!

If you guessed that this is somebody’s mom’s shitter, you would be 100% correct. The character we see here is Kris, protagonist, and this is the house where they live with their mother. Says Rockin T: “The bathroom is just part of the house that you can walk in if you want to, but isn’t lore-important until the second chapter when they’re asked to wash their hands in there.” Aside from the UltraMom decor styling, check out that Poland Spring refill jug size Pert Plus in the shower. It’s just about as large as Kris’ enormous HEAD.

shitter
bucket brigade
deltarune

Posted on January 16, 2023

Phantom Pain potty stall!

Submitted by bucket brigadier Swolito this potty stall is brought to us from Metal Gear Solid V: The Phantom Pain. These stalls are used by Venom Snake as extra pockets for hiding bodies, waiting for time to pass, and I suppose he could hide from a helicopter in here, and other things probably too. Normally you can’t really see inside. Says Swolito: “I blew the door off of it”. Dummy thicc. While I do love a squatty potty let’s just admit that this is probably NOT all that it promises to be. You’re telling me someone dug out a pit to go beneath this? Doubtful. More likely that this is just a crate dropped in with the rest of the camp. The phantom pit! Kudos to Metal Gear for this think piece.

shitter
metal gear
bucket brigade

Posted on January 16, 2023

Crossroad Motel shitter!

I just want to make one thing abundantly clear and that is in the Heavy Rain universe, these people do NOT believe in handwashing, and they do NOT believe in calling 911. And your own wife will absolutely throw you completely under the bus and tell the cops and the FBI that you are definitely a deranged killer, so you probably should have brought that shoebox full of evidence to the police the minute you got your hands on it.

I initially had some hope left over for this Oaf, but he took a piss in this toilet, and then when I went to use the sink to wash my hands he just splashed water on his face! No soap! I dislike this man, but he is under a lot of stress and it’s not entirely his fault that all this happened. I mean what happened to Jason was completely Jason’s fault, and what happened to Shaun was completely the mother’s fault. What is she doing leaving Shaun alone with this moron after what happened to Jason?

Anyway, you decide to get a room at the Crossroad Motel, and this is the shitter there. Gosh, does it ever look depressed to be mixed up in this story. You’re here to try to solve the crime on your own instead of teaming up with FutureCyberRobocop Norman Jayden, the only guy in this entire shitshow that believes in the healing power of technology. Yes, the only way to bring this killer to justice is to keep it all a secret, just like the bad handwashing habits! The trinkets you’re supposed to use as clues are little NUMBERED origami figurines that all correspond to ordeals you must survive just to get another computer chip with a tiny video clip on it of your kid peering up at you from a drain grate. Okay, then why doesn’t this idiot just open the FINAL ORIGAMI figurine FIRST and just go directly to the finish line? Fucking oaf.

It is here in this room that Madison reemerges in the story to help dress the wounds the Main Oaf sustains crawling through a tunnel of glass that defies the laws of physics as to how it got there and she neither 1) washes her hands before applying first aid, nor 2) calls an ambulance as the Oaf tosses and turns in a fever coma throughout the night. A little while later, Madison reveals her insane lifelong fetish of roleplaying as Unqualified Doctor. So it’s not exactly a mystery that when Madison offers to help the Oaf he completely refuses. Yeah, he’s capable of fucking his life up perfectly well on his own.

shitter
heavy rain

Posted on January 14, 2023

Madison Paige Easter Egg shitter!

This game has a thing for huge walls of windows and shitters in cubbyholes. And idiots in their underwear. This is Madison Paige, journalist, mere seconds before she is mercilessly slain by a pair of identical twin thugs. My God, what are the odds? When you first meet Madison you don’t know yet that she’s a journalist, instead you think she’s got to be a fucking ninja because of the way she fights off a set of matching goons, like she’s Jason Bourne or Noomi Rapace (in any of various Noomi Rapace movies).

This shitter is also truly a miracle to behold because the only way you are ever going to see it is if you execute a series of quicktime events in a sequence that allows Madison to die in her bathroom. Nice, another silent WITNESS to an unspeakable crime. Survivor’s guilt is pretty common in the shitter community and the blame lies squarely on the developers. Yeah you want to put the shitters in the scene because you know that shit sells. But think of the collateral damage! That shitter is now in the witness protection program. That shitter is Waldo! You’ll never see that shitter again or if you do, you better not refer to it by its former name because it will flat out ignore you. She does not know you. Walk away!

I would like to just quickly point out that Madison Paige has a product called “PAIN” on her linen pantry shelf. I don’t know what that is, but a bucket of pain sounds like a pretty good self-defense implement. Anyway bottom line is the entire ordeal is a stupid fake nightmare and Madison doesn’t really die so that shitter only exists on the astral plane. It was just a prank, bro! That shitter existed for only a moment in time and then was gone. Okay, but everything I said before, about the glib bandying of shitters as traumatic crime props remains a legitimate social concern. They are capable of so much more. Lets see more shitters in cinematic roles as administrators and mentors.

shitter
heavy rain

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