The Orcs of Narzulbur Stronghold show us the two extremes of indoor bucketing, each at opposite ends of the longhouse. One is clean and private, the other is neither.
Septimus Signus, whacky devotee of Hermaeus Mora, lives in a frozen berth just north of the College of Winterhold. Here he has minimal creature comforts, such as an enormous Dwemer puzzle cube, to keep him company. As an old codger, Septimus isn’t going outside to poop in the snow. It’s a constant blizzard out there! So he has this bucket. I believe it’s upside-down as a tribute to how cwazy Septimus has gotten over the decades. I imagine him putting the ewer on top and saying, “Lovely!” Anyway I’d probably store it upside-down too. In that miniature cavern, it may help stifle the stink.
While gnomes are out causing mischief, teddy is here solving problems. This plucky bear is plunging with the arm of the skeleton from the potty next door. Not that the performance of this task would actually do anything to the functioning capability of the shitter, but he’s trying, and therefore no one should criticize him.
Fort Defiance was an “insane asylum” (terminology not used for many a moon now) which was repurposed into a HQ for the defunct Brotherhood of Steel. At Fort Defiance, there’s nary a trace of doctors, nor soldiers, so who rules over this mound of concrete rubble now? A GNOME!! By far the most terrifying spectre in this ghost town.
High aloft the unnervingly tall oak tree of Treetops are numerous individual rooms decorated with a homey aesthetic. It wasn’t long however before I found this gnome, and began to sweat in terror for my very life.
I also located a curious chem lab, replete with crushed acetone containers, rat poison, and gasoline. Meth kitchen, or leatherworking workshop?
At long last, I rounded the very top and saw this freak smirking at me from the edge of a precipice. I yeeted him off the brink without hesitation, and to my surprise, received 110 exp. Ypa!
The winner of the coveted Brown Ribbon of the Year award in 2015 was this REALLY nice wooden outhouse at Sunshine Tidings Co-op. As you can see, this shitter is top-notch, with potential for a bright future. The elevated nature of this stall lends itself to superior protection against pests such as radroachs and molerats while you’re having a moment alone.
There is another notable shitter on the property that I have photographed and documented here, and which is a terrible sty. The metal shack features some splintery boards perched atop cinder blocks, and an accompanying rusted metal bucket. Creative, but a definite no-go. And are settlers expected to bathe here? My companion, Preston Garvey, obviously blurted out this non sequitur before he took a peek inside.
Alternate Title: “Are you actually staring me down? You, who gives hard drugs to old ladies, and body armor to dogs with the same hand?”
