Camp out in this haunted nook with all the comforts of home. Bedroll, lantern (keeps the ghosties at bay), convenient shitter, mead on tap, and even a little cleaning supplies in case you get bored of that book and wish to play Cinderella.
This right here is why Jarl Ulfric Stormcloak is a vinegar-based feminine wash. The first photo is where Jorleif sleeps. No, really. Ulfric’s oldest friend, who he sorta just allows to hang around the throne room and pipe in with advice now and then, sleeps on the floor and shits in a corner of the kitchens.
Meanwhile (middle picture) you have rooms on rooms on rooms in the Palace of the Kings that are unoccupied. Some have fires going in them. Some don’t. Why bother heating the parts of your castle that will never be used? It’s not like you have a family or anything, Ulfric Foreveralonecloak. Fucking asshole! You’re telling me Jorleif can’t sleep in this bed here? Shit in this chamber pot, by the warmth of a fire?
And where does Papa Bear Stormcloak shit? Well, I’m not fully and 100% sure, but this is where he sleeps, and the only vessel in the room is a silver bowl. Yeah I’m pretty sure that Ulfric shits in a silver bowl. Dandy ponce.
Another hidden shitter in Skyrim! This starts out as a sword, named Red Eagle’s Fury, which can be inserted into a stone plinth at Rebel’s Cairn to trigger a trap door in the cave. If you complete the quest, and kill the draugr Red Eagle, you’d remove the sword to reveal its name has changed to Red Eagle’s Bane. Or, you could set it on fire, and turn it into a bucket, like I have demonstrated here.
From Dice: Deception, Fate & Rotten Luck by Ricky Jay and Rosamond Purcell, 2002.
Wow, were Quentin Tarantino and Guillermo del Toro both here having gay horror sex? These photos, which will surely be admitted into evidence, feature Room 1K as last visited by the Pintsized Slasher (see terrifying mask, photo 2). The third photo is the shitter in the motel office, as taken from within the women’s room, from which vantage point one has full view of the urinal. That’s the quality contracting and craftsmanship you can count on from the inbred mutant swamp that is Point Lookout!
Kenny has sweet digs in the abandoned Herzog Mine and his guest bunk has its own shitter! Tons of toys and games will keep you from thinking about that skeleton of Old Man Herzog hanging from a noose in the hallway below. Yes, Kenny is absolutely playing checkers with a Garden Gnome. Kenny IS the Pint-Sized Slasher and I’m pretty sure that Gnome is living vicariously through Kenny.
At the bottom of the adjoining zone called Blackdamp Shaft, you can find the unique plushie named Kenny-bear. Do NOT return him to Kenny unless you FIRST remove the psycho Gnome! How do you think Kenny-bear got down there to begin with? Just take Kenny-bear with you, and leave the Pint-Sized Slasher and the Gnome to their games. Kenny-bear should see the wide frontier of the Capitol Wasteland from the zipper-hole of your backpack, not be left the doom of dissolving in a puddle of nuclear goo dripping from a cracked pipe in the ceiling.
Now here’s a real chin-scratcher. There are plenty of objects here that look the part, but which is the legitimate shitter? I’m pretty sure one is a planter. The structural outhouse has a great deal of overgrowth and other indications of disuse (such as the ‘innocent’ gnome laying nearby who we all know is a vicious killer).
No, I am putting my money on the only shitter here Marguerite is gonna be sharing private moments with as being the lovely powder room the third photo. I’m sure that sink whiskey is mostly for mouthwash. So, is this where Marguerite nurses herself back to life every morning she has a hangover?
What say you, Marguerite?
She doesn’t seem to really be up for talking just now. Anyway, ‘round back as you’re heading out, there’s a bathtub full of empty whiskey bottles. I’m sure this moonshiner would say they’re being saved for ‘art projects.’
LOOK AT THIS. This is the collateral damage of war. In the darkness of the tunnel system under Old Olney you’ll find a grimy antechamber where a down-and-out Teddy sips his medicine and smokes his last cigarette. Teddy, no. Who hurt u? Come home with me. I will love you like you deserve, I will wash you in Aqua Pura. I will spritz you down with Abraxo and sew a new button for your eye. No more tears, Snuggle.
