Posted on April 8, 2025
The Four Mystical shitters of Hogwarts!
By the Tomes! Behold, the four mighty Houses of Magic that form the foundation of the Wizarding World! Clockwise from the top left, they are as follows:
Gryffindor! Only the purely brave and daring could find this shitter that has three entrances, and how many bathtubs with zero privacy? This is crap, sorry, this is like the same conditions the kids in Annie were dealing with. Just because it’s carven wood and bronze dolphin-shaped doorknobs doesn’t make it lux.
Next the sinister shitter of Salazar Slytherin! There’s a special faucet in here that has been vandalized and we all know what that’s for. Idk, it just looks like Pointy S to me. What is going on with that situation in the stall? This isn’t any place to read quietly or study or learn, it’s in a dungeon, but the flowers do make it kinda nicer. Another shitter in this same spot is a Puddlemere United superfan with posters plastered all over it.
Third we see the best shitter ever from the best house of all, Ravenclaw of course. Shiny! The bathtubs are the best in the entire map, no contest. They have private alcoves with sparkly curtains and places to keep towels right next to the tubs, really making Gryffindor look like a subclass of Barbarian by comparison. In a move that ought to scandalize a small subset of the population, I was able to gain entry into both the men’s and the ladies’ rooms. They each have shitter stalls with a special glyph etched onto the frames. I am pretty sure it’s a way to send secret messages between the rooms. “D-O Y-O-U H-A-V-E T-P”, for instance.
The last one is just what you’d expect. No shitter for Hufflepuff. If that’s your house, I’m sorry, you got screwed once again.
