LOOK James, I found a pulsing, rainbow portal.

LISTEN James, as it calls to us with its pleasant chimes.

LEARN James, that when I get a little too close to it, I get sucked in and disappear with a cheek-popping noise.

Test Chamber 00 shitter!

Portal begins in this exhibitionist’s cube - or “Relaxation Vault” - its sole purpose being for you to escape it. Alongside your cozy bed and a small table where someone has inconsiderately left behind a dirty coffee mug and testing data, we find the real star of the scene. The shitter itself is oddly spherical, and even stranger, there is no portal inside the bowl which would eliminate the need for plumbing.

Cover art by Angus McKie, from “If the Stars are Gods.”

These sinks probably open a hidden passageway to the Chamber of Secrets!

“Super Mutant Orders”

It wasn’t the bomb. The wait is what killed them.

Shitter Shack!

This unexpected, private bathroom is in an unmarked location near a shack north of Ten Pines Bluff. It’s right on the shores of a super-irradiated pond of runoff water, which will kill you pretty quickly if you stray too close. Inside is a shitter and a creepy mannequin who will watch you. The newspaper is serving double duty. First you can read about the moronic dramas of times gone way by, then you can use the paper for the only real purpose it has left. Finally, you may wonder how they wired a lamp to work all the way out here, but your wonders will be replaced with the sads when you find the corpse of some guy in this here tub. Marvelous.

“This is why every major questline in Skyrim ends with you as the head of an organization. Todd just thinks it’s normal to be the leader of 8 things.”

The Faces of Todd (cross-platform).